Blessings In Disguise
by httydhiccstridrtte
Summary: set in the rtte timeline. Astrid had been taken from Berk and raised under the hand of Viggo Grimborn and his brother Ryker. Now at 18 she has a secret, she loves dragons. As she finally tries to escape, her life is turned upside down by the dragon riders. Especially one rider that she has an undeniable connection with. Now she must figure out how to navigate these new feelings.
1. Prologue

Exhausted, weak, worn out.

That's how Hiccup lay in his cell in the depths of the night. Viggo and Ryker's had been... Brutal, to say the least. Persistent with their questions and barely giving Hiccup a chance to breath, let alone answer. Still, Hiccup remained silent. Toothless was Thor knows where. This had meant to be a standard procedure stealth mission, but of course something had gone wrong. He'd been saving Camicazi from a hunter and inadvertently gotten himself captured in the process.

It had been hours since he'd seen Toothless and the knot in his stomach was completely unbearable. His arms were chained to the wall above his head, and they were aching like crazy. He wanted nothing more than to just escape but at that point in time he was completely and utterly helpless. There was nothing that could aid him for miles.

Hiccup was logical, he realized the guards would get him for questioning at some point and the cycle would begin again. He could figure out what to do once he was unchained. Plus, fatigue was beginning to get the better of him. Anything he planned would more than likely backfire. His plans had a habit of doing that even when he wasn't tired.

The riders would come back for him. Or he'd find his way out. Either way, something good would happen. He'd been in enough insane incidents to know that, somehow, things always worked out in the end. But that could only happen if he kept a straight head. And he couldn't do that if with every passing second his eyelids got heavier.

Finally, giving in to his tiredness, his eyelids began to shut slowly. However this proved to be pointless as he was abruptly awoken by a distinct thudding noise.

Suddenly he felt something large nudge him. A sound of rustling could be heard from above him as begrudgingly opened his eyes. Much to his surprise, when he opened his eyes he was met with a similar emerald pair of staring right back at him.

Toothless?... Toothless?!

"H-hey bud!" he greeted, still unsure if he was hallucinating or not "W-what's going-"

"Shhhh!"

If he wasn't already awake before, he certainly was now. His head turned sharply to see a shadowy figure beside him. A torch in the corner of the cell dimly lit the cage, but not well enough for him to see who this person was.

"Who are-?"

"I said shhhh! Keep your voice down!" The person hissed.

They were definitely female. He knew that much.

"What are you doing?" he whispered

She glared in response "Do you not know how to be quiet?"

"Hey I whispered!" he insisted, still talking quietly "And you didn't answer my question"

"I'm" she paused to tug at his chains "Letting you go. But seriously, you gotta keep your voice down, a guard might hear you"

"I was-"

"Not quiet enough" she cut him off knowingly, her words barely audible. She finished loosening his chains "Now lets get you out of here"

His eyes narrowed "And how do I know this isn't a trap? How can I trust you?"

"Viggo quits when he's ahead. If he had a night fury in his grips, why would he jeopardise that?"

Hiccup processed the woman's words. What she said made sense. A big part of this battle was due to Viggo's obsession with Toothless and hunting him down. It was a fair point. Still, many questions stormed wildly around his brain.

"You work for Viggo?"

She nodded very reluctantly, something he couldn't help but mentally note.

"Why are you helping me?"

"You ask way too many questions" muttered somewhat angrily "Look, I don't like what Viggo does, okay? I hate it. So I try to help when I can"

It still didn't make sense to him "How can you work for Viggo and also-?"

"Long story. Don't have time to explain. Now come on!" she whisper-shouted, pulling him up roughly.

The woman dragged up to the deck hurriedly, desperate to get them off the ship. Hiccup looked back and noticed a guard laying on the ground, seemingly out cold. Confusion festered in him faster by the second.

Who was this person? And what was she capable of?

Eventually they got to the deck and Hiccup mounted Toothless. He still couldn't see his supposed saviour, the darkness entrapped her figure, leaving her as a mere mystery in his mind.

"Who are you? You still haven't said"

"It's better you don't know" she responded vaguely "And you can't tell anyone about my existence either. Promise me"

"I don't-"

"Promise!"

He noticed her desperation and gave in "Fine"

Now it was her turn for her eyes to narrow "Say it"

"Say what?"

"Say that you promise"

"I thought you didn't want me to talk any-"

"Just say it"

"I promise I won't tell anyone about your existence"

"Good"

"One more thing" he said quickly.

"I swear to Thor if you ask me one more question..." she mumbled with a threatening tone.

"It's not a question" he reassured "I just wanted to say thank you"

Her eyes widened, almost as if it was her first time hearing the phrase. She clearly wasn't used to it "O-oh. You're welcome"

She walked over to a small door before stopping. She looked over her shoulder at Hiccup. Despite the darkness, her eyes stuck out quite clearly. They had almost no emotions, yet they were screaming a million things. Her sapphire eyes pierced into him, it was an image he knew would stick with him.

And then she was gone. She had fled the scene as quick as she had arrived. Hiccup left the ship as quietly as he could.

Throughout the flight home, Hiccup tried to process. He'd raided Viggo's ships hundreds of times, and not once had he seen that girl. She helped the dragons, and clearly she knew what she was doing. After all, she had managed to gain Toothless's trust.

But still, how could you work for dragon hunters and then free them at every chance? It didn't make sense.

When Hiccup arrived at the Edge, unsurprisingly, everyone else was asleep. In fairness, it was the middle of the night, he couldn't say he expected anything else. In a way, it made his life easier. At least this way he had a chance to rest before being bombarded with a ridiculous amount of questions in the morning.

Making his way to his hut, Hiccup finally allowed his exhaustion to take over. He crashed onto his bed, falling asleep instantaneously.

However, throughout the night...

Those blue eyes remained in his mind.

_**Hope you guys like it! Don't worry, I know a lot of you will have already read this in the Previews chapter of 'Astrid the (fake) Princess' so I'm also publishing the first chapter as well.**_

_**I would type my normal outro, but gods, you must have that memorized by now. You know what to do.**_

_**Shohini :)**_


	2. The Hofferson Girl

"So is everyone clear on the plan?" Hiccup asked the gang as they stood in a circle around the board in the arena

Receiving a firm nod from everyone in response, Hiccup seemed satisfied with the situation.

"All right then. I suppose for the rest of the day just go spend time with your family or do whatever. But get a good amount of rest tonight. We saddle up in the morning"

Hiccup bid goodbye to the rest of the gang but remained in front of the board. He looked over the map of the fleet of ships. Maybe this would finally be the time where he got to see _her _again.

He didn't know what it was about her, he'd barely known her ten minute if that, but he couldn't get her out of his head. He didn't understand it. She said she worked for Viggo, but she freed him and Toothless. Viggo would never let a night fury out of his grasp, not for anything. So clearly what she had done had been some form of rebellion. Still, he had so many questions. Did she do the same for other dragons? How did she learn to love dragons whilst working for Viggo and Ryker? How long has she loved dragons for?

He had tried to find her time and time again but to no avail. Every mission they went on, he would find a way to sneak below deck of each ship and look for her but with no success. Hiccup didn't know if she was really good at hiding or if she just simply wasn't on those ships but either way it filled him with the same sense of disappointment. He really wanted to talk to her. If she really loved dragons so much, maybe he would be able to convince her to join him and the others. He didn't care about the background, a chance to recruit a new dragon rider was special to him, and he intended to take it.

Still, he couldn't obssess over that for the rest of the day so he decided to push the thought aside and walk through the village. The riders were back on Berk for a visit because, simply put, they missed their families. They loved the independence of The Edge but Berk would always be their true home. Plus, Hiccup had a tendency to overwork, not only himself but the dragons too, when Viggo and Ryker were involved. He figured coming back to Berk would provide a nice balance.

His first thought was to go to the Forge and help Gobber out. However, he was surprised to see only Mr Hofferson outside the Forge.

"Need some help Mr Hofferson?" Hiccup asked grabbing an apron.

"If you could Hiccup, I just need to get this axe sharpened. Gobber went to get some lunch so I thought I'd just wait" he said handing the weapon over.

Hiccup took it with ease and began working "So any special occasion? You don't normally get your axe sharpened this early on in the week"

Although Hiccup didn't work a regular basis at the Forge anymore, he had for Gods know how long prior. He'd definitely memorized a thing or two about the villagers.

"Just a gift for my wife" the older man said, something off in his voice.

Mr Hofferson had always been a kind man. Rather cheery and optimistic, which is why it surprised him so much to speak in that dejected tone.

"Well that's nice of you. Is it an anniversary or a birthday or some other special event?"

He heard a soft sigh from behind her "Some days are just harder to get through than others I suppose"

Hiccup eventually finished sharpening the axe and returned it. Mr Hofferson shot him a smile tinged with sadness.

"Thank you lad."

"It's no problem" he smiled kindly, hoping to lift the man's spirits ever so slightly.

Mr Hofferson simply nodded and stalked off to find his wife. Hiccup couldn't help but watch as he left, perplexed by the behaviour he'd just observed. The Hoffersons had always been kind to him, even throughout his years as being seen as a runt. The family had had a soft spot for him since his childhood, and he couldn't be more grateful to them.

That's why he hoped everything was okay, or at the very least, that everything _would_ eventually be okay.

xxxx

"Hey dad" Hiccup said as he sat at the table with his father that night "Do you know if everything's alright with the Hoffersons?"

"Why do you ask son?"

"Well Mr Hofferson was at the Forge today and... I don't know he just seemed quite sad"

"And with good reason" Stoick replied "Hiccup, did nobody tell you what today is for the Hoffersons?"

At that, confusion rose within Hiccup "No. What's today for the Hoffersons?"

He sighed morosely "Today marks the eighteenth anniversary of the Hoffersons losing their daughter"

Of all the answers Hiccup had been expexting, that was not one of them.

"W-wait... The Hoffersons had a daughter?"

"Yes. A wee lass, couldn't have been more than eight months old when she was taken. She was only a couple months younger than you"

"What happened to the daughter? Was she in an accident?"

"No, no. Nothing like that" he dismissed "A man came into the house and stole her straight from the crib. Left before anyone could do anything about it. We sent out search parties for weeks, months even. But it was no use."

"What was her name?"

"I'm afraid I can't say. I promised the Hoffersons that I would not speak her name in private or in public. I keep my promises"

"I just can't belive it" he shook his head "That girl would be my age"

"You know you and the Hofferson girl used to play together" Stoick chuckled fondly "Your mother swore the two of you would get married one day"

"Seriously? When we were babies?"

"She was completely sure"

"Wow"

After that they gradually descended into other conversations. However, the topic still remained firm in his mind. He brought it up again with the gang as they sat around a table in Meade Hall.

"Hey gang" he said in a hushed voice "Did you guys know about the Hofferson's missing daughter?"

"Oh yeah I've heard the story. What an awful thing to go through!" Fishlegs piped up sympathetically.

"Us too! Mom said if we didn't behave well we'd get snatched up in the night, just like the baby!" Tuffnut exclaimed excitedly.

"And we never got taken so... Well done us" Ruff chimed in proudly

"Well I'm surprised you didn't get taken" Tuffnut muttered.

"Uh hey! If one of us were to be taken in the night for bad behaviour it would so be you!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh! Remember when we were five and you set cousin Truffnut's beard on fire?"

"That was one time!"

And thus began yet another unnecessary round of bickering between the twins. Camicazi quickly grew tired of this and promptly thumped both of them over the head.

"Hey!" Came their simultaneous response.

"It is weird to think about" Cami continued, ignoring the twins "She might've been with us today"

"She might've been our friend" Heather chimed in

"I heard that she died in the forest and when it's completely silent, you can still hear her screaming." Tuffnut said with a spooky voice.

"I heard they threw her into the ocean and her rotting corpse curses every ship that sails by" Ruff countered.

"Mine's cooler!"

"No mine!"

"No m-"

"Guys!" The wild blonde threatened, hand raised in the air "Don't make me hit you again"

Both twins shrunk down "Sorry Cami"

"That's more like it" she smirked before turning to Hiccup "How old was she?"

"My dad said she couldn't have been more than eight months"

"So it was like a literal 'snatching from the cradle' situation" Snotlout laughed.

"Snotlout, I'm begging you, don't say that" Hiccup said tiredly.

"Why not?"

Heather whispered the real meaning in his ear.

"That's what that means?! Ew!"

Suddenly the gang were having a full on conversation about this girl, but Hiccup was too entrapped by his thoughts to notice.

How could defeat Viggo, or even simply find this girl, if he wasn't even observant enough to know what's going on his village?

xxxx

"You shouldn't do that Astrid" Dagur warned as Astrid approached a terrible terror.

"Would you look at the poor thing Dagur? He hasn't eaten in days" Astrid knelt down giving the dragon a fish.

The terrible terror accepted and scoffed the fish down at an unbelievable speed. He nuzzled Astrid's hand, causing Astrid to smile as she picked him up.

"He's shaking" she told the red head, keeping the dragons close "You guys are letting these dragons freeze and starve to death"

"As we should. There are too many dragons around, the world could go with a few less"

"Funny, I'd say the same thing about people"

"Dragons are beasts"

"Humans are the _real _beasts" Astrid countered sharply "A dragon wouldn't let a human freeze death, or starve to death for that matter"

"They're scaly, savage-"

"Intelligent, wonderful, beautiful, shall I continue?"

"Why are you even feeding that dragon? Viggo and Ryker to only feed them when they allow it"

"Yes well I don't follow a lot of their rules"

"Very dangerous"

"As dangerous as your hair?" she scoffed.

He growled "You're lucky you're Heather's best friend"

"I know" she cast a sarcastic smile his way.

"You know, you're on thin ice Astrid"

Astrid looked over her shoulder with no emotion. Soon she'd be gone, she'll have escaped this personal version of her Hel. Soon she'd finally be free.

"Then it's a good thing I know how to swim"

_**So yeah! This book won by 2 votes! But to those who wanted the modern AU, Trust me when I say it's definitely on it's way.**_

_**Now in terms of the Stormfly debacle, here's my idea (That I got from two reviewers! So thanks you two! You really helped!)**_

_**Camicazi keeps Stormfly and Astrid gets to ride the light fury. I'm still fleshing out the details a little bit but I think it should work really well!**_

_**A lot of people wanted Astrid to keep Stormfly, and I did too but I absolutely adored the idea of Astrid and a Light Fury (I also liked the idea of Astrid and Garff, so thanks to that reviewer!)**_

_**I'll only do that if you guys want me to.**_

_**You know what to do.**_

_**Shohini :)**_


	3. Discovery

Hiccup's nerves were through the roof.

He had originally been planning to to do a stealth mission on one of Viggo's and Ryker's fleets, but upon further contemplation, decided against it.

Instead, he decided to go one step further and go straight their base. Ryker was fairly easy to defeat. He relied on brute strength, that was his weakness. He didn't take power of mind into account. However, he was only half of the operation. Viggo made up for the brains, and that's where the problems came in.

No matter what he did, Viggo was always one step ahead. So Hiccup went two steps ahead. Hiccup knew where the base was, he'd been sent there after being kidnapped once or twice. He'd stayed up all night perfecting a plan, briefing the riders quickly in the morning and leaving as fast as possible. Hiccup knew it was risky, and to some extent he felt guilty for suddenly throwing this on the riders. They knew the old plan and to have to completely abandon and learn a new plan within the span of merely twenty minutes... It would be overwhelming for anyone.

"Hiccup, are you sure this is the best idea?" Heather asked

"Honestly? No" he said truthfully "I know this plan could've done with more planning, but if we went to another fleet, we would have been doing exactly what they wanted"

"Well that's reassuring" Snotlout scoffed sarcastically.

"Look, I know I shouldn't have sprung this on everyone, and I'm sorry about that. But we'll get more information from their base than anywhere else. It makes most sense to look there"

"You guys, Hiccup's the smartest of all of us. And he believes in us, he cares about us. He wouldn't get us to do this if he didn't think we could" Camicazi said flying Stormfly closer "Don't worry Hiccup, we've got your back"

"Thanks Cami" he shot her a grateful smile "And come on gang, we've faced worse than Viggo's base"

The other riders couldn't help but nod in agreement. Though their time at the Edge had been fairly joyful, it was not without it's death-defying moments. They'd all been captured at least once, either as part of a group or individually. It wasn't easy, but in the end it was always worth it.

"Hey Camicazi, seriously, thank you" he told her again

"No problem, it was true after all" she shrugged.

He smiled "You're a really great friend"

She returned his smile, but it seemed slightly strained "Yup. Great friend. That's me"

Maybe had the circumstances been different, Hiccup would've actually the longing look in Camicazi's eyes. Then again, it's not like he'd noticed it before and it had been there since they were twelve.

Viggo's base finally came into sight and an odd sense of elation filled him. This might finally be the time where he sees her again.

... Not that that was a reason he changed the plan or anything.

Well, it was and it wasn't. The reasons he'd given the gang were the primary reaons for changing course. Every fleet had been armed heavier than usual, indicating that they may have been expecting an attack of some sort. Viggo more than likely assumed Hiccup did not have the guts to go straight to the base, which automatically made it's position more vulnerable. He'd focus too much on the ships and in turn neglect the protection of his base.

However, it occured to him in the middle of the night. The mystery girl had not been a single ship, not that he could see anyway. And so he wondered if maybe she was at the base. Maybe she was helping the order of operations rather than executing the operations. It was worth a shot.

The riders landed quietly. Hiccup couldn't help but look around nervously. This was it, this was their chance. The threat of failure loomed morbidly over his head.

''Everybody knows what to do?"

He received nods from everyone in response "Okay, good"

"I think I might still know my way around here" Heather spoke up.

"Great. Try and remember as much as you can" he told her enthusiastically.

"So remember everyone, look around, get as much information as you can. And no one touch anything" he threw a pointed gaze in the twins' direction

"Geez you set off ten booby traps and you're branded for life" Ruffnut said in an offended tone.

"I concur with you sister. So unprofessional"

Hiccup simply shook his head "Meet back in hour"

And with that everyone went off in different directions. He looked over at Toothless, who seemed somewhat distracted. It was as if he sensed something.

"So where should we start bud?"

His dragon simply took off running, leaving Hiccup both dazed and confused. Quickly, the rider began to follow.

"Toothless!" he exclaimed, running as fast as he could with his prosthetic "Slow down bud!"

And suddenly Toothless halted. Hiccup finally caught up, ready to scold his dragon for going off so fast without him, but when he saw what Toothless saw, everything left his mind.

"Oh my gods..."

In the depths of the forest, there was a white night fury.

"He's not the only one"

xxxx

"I TOLD YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HELP THE DRAGONS ANYMORE!"

Ryker's voice boomed around the little office. He punched her in the gut and Astrid groaned in pain.

"And I told you" Astrid began calmly, mustering her coldest glare "The dragon was about to die"

"SO LET IT DIE" He roared.

"And why would I do that?" she automatically shot back "Do you not need to keep these dragons alive for your auctions?"

"BUT THAT DRAGON WAS WEAK"

"Then what's the point of having him if he's only seen as weak?" she countered fiercely "Why not let him go if you see him as weak and unhelpful?"

"Listen here you little-"

"Ryker" Viggo cut in "Let me talk to her alone"

The burlier brother huffed and went to leave. However, just before he left he stood in front of Astrid, menacing looks haunting his eyes.

SLAP!

Although her cheek stung, Astrid could not say that it bothered her much. She was far too used to it.

"Now, Astrid" Viggo came to her "How long have you been with us?"

"Eighteen years" Astrid replied coldly

"Yes. Found you when you were a baby. Nothing but a note, and why was that?"

Astrid looked down.

"Say it, Astrid"

"My parents didn't want me" she spat out, it was a method of punishment. Viggo always liked to remind Astrid that she was unwanted.

"Exactly. Nobody wanted you and we took you in. And this is how you repay us?"

"I thought I was helping you"

"So you say, but I've been having this conversation with you since you were fifteen. Surely, you'd realize it's not helpful by now"

"Viggo I am grateful for all you've done for me. That's why I tried to help-"

And then he was close. Too close. A cold metal pressed to her neck. Astrid wished she could say this was the first time it had happened.

"Don't cross me Astrid. Think about where your loyalties lie" he growled "And remember, the traitor always dies"

She met his glare evenly "Yes sir"

And with that, he released her. She made a bee line straight for her room, or cell more like. Astrid didn't have much to pack. She took a few essentials including her axe and her dragon's saddle, hiding both underneath her cloak.

She didn't look back as she ran to the forest. This was it. She was leaving. The internal debate had been long and difficult, but she had to leave. Astrid couldn't stay in a place where her morals were challenged so greatly. She had no idea where to go or how she would survive, but she'd make it.

Her dragon finally came into sight but Astrid froze. Not only was her companion occupied with another dragon, it was a night fury. And Astrid knew from experience that with the majestic dragon, came his pesky, albeit ever so slightly attractive, rider.

_'Oh for Thor's sake'_

"He's not the only one" she heard his voice, laced softly with amazement.

The two dragons circled each other, observing one another. Both were clearly in shock. The night fury was certainly very excited.

Astrid hid behind a tree, axe firmly gripped in hand. Realistically, she knew the boy would never hurt her dragon, but she was still protective. Her best friend, despite being so comfortable around her, was still very cautious around humans. She vaguely saw the light fury build up a plasma blast but was promptly stopped by the counterpart dragon. His rider, Hiccup she barely remembered, edged closer. Astrid prepared to throw her axe. She did not care about her this guy's reputation, he had not earned her trust. And if she didn't trust a person, they did _not_ go near her dragon.

"HICCUP!" A foreign voice screamed.

And naturally, her scaly companion got spooked. She bounded off, going straight past her. However, once she realized whom she had just gone past, and stopped abruptly. Instantly she went back and licked her happily, eager to see the blonde girl.

"Hey, hey girl. Shhhhh, shhh, come on girl you gotta be quiet" she whispered, hushing her dragon. The light fury stared at her with expectant eyes.

Astrid peaked her head out, he was talking to someone. Another girl, she assumed. She couldn't hear everything but she managed to make out bits and pieces.

"What happened?"

"... Got seen by a..."

"... 've got to be kidding me..."

"... go now..."

And then she heard footsteps. They got quieter and quieter until they were almost non-existent. She peeped out again, and they were gone. Still with slight reservation, she walked out.

"It's okay girl, you can come out now'' she beckoned.

Before Astrid knew it, she was knocked onto she ground and being nuzzled eagerly. Astrid couldn't help but giggle as she accepted the affectionate actions.

"I know girl, I know" she laughed "I missed you too''

Starlight jumped up and down, she'd never seen the dragon so energetic before.

"Someone's excited after meeting the night fury, huh?" she smirked.

And with that she stopped altogether. She huffed raising her paw and gave her, what Astrid could only assume was, a punch to the arm.

"Hey!" Astrid exclaimed smiling. Her dragon was so much like her, it gave her a weird sense of pride.

She placed the saddle on Starlight's back and began making a few adjustments. Hopefully those riders would create a big enough distraction for her to escape. Eventually everything was ready. She threw herself onto Starlight's back.

"Let's get out of here girl"

xxxx

Hiccup and the riders managed to escape the base successfully.

... For about ten minutes.

Tuffnut had realized that he'd left his precious Macey in the room he'd been snooping in. So that was Tuff and Ruff gone. Hiccup, being the leader he was, followed the twin to make sure they didn't get themselves killed. Camicazi followed Hiccup and then Heather followed Camicazi. Fishlegs followed Heather and Snotlout didn't want to be left behind so he flew along too.

"Hiccup what are you doing?!" Camicazi asked, rushing through the wind.

"You and I both know how much destruction the twins are capable of. Someone's gotta look out for them"

"Can't you just come back for Macey later Tuff?" Heather asked.

The male twin let out a gasp of offense "Do you realize what you just asked me?!"

"Forget it" Heather mumbled, not wanting to deal with the insanity.

Suddenly Toothless got that look in his eyes again. He was sensing the light fury. Hiccup noticed this and looked at him with concern.

"Toothless? You okay bud?"

Toothless raced forwards past all the other riders. He flew faster than he ever had before. He flew with such great speed, Hiccup almost struggled to stay on Toothless.

"What's going on with him?" Snotlout asked

"I have no idea!" Hiccup yelled back, until it hit him "Wait a minute are you...?"

A white blur came into light and everyone let out a collective gasp.

"Is that-" Camicazi began to ask in shock.

"OH MY THOR! ANOTHER NIGHT FURY!" Fishlegs squealed excitedly.

But it wasn't just another night fury. There was an extra blur on top. _A person._

"And she has a rider!" Hiccup exclaimed.

And then the dragon did something nobody expected. She shot a plasma blast and flew into it, completely disappearing, along with her rider. Once again, the riders were left in awe.

"Is she made of sky?!" Tuffnut asked excitedly

Toothless flew forwards again, trying to figure out where she was. The other night fury finally came into sight but it was just a little too close and...

"AAHHH!"

Black collided fiercely into white. The impact was rough and overwhelming, causing the female rider to stumble from her dragon down to the forest below.

"Toothless! Dive, bud!"

Toothless flew down after the cloaked girl. Hiccup had nearly reached her when she was entrapped by the bushy trees of the forest.

Hiccup managed to catch her just before she hit the ground. He looked at her and noticed she was unconscious.

"Hiccup, is okay?" Heather asked from the sky.

"I think so! But she's unconscious, we should take her back to the edge"

Heather nodded and went back to the other riders. He looked over to his side and saw her dragon growling at him productively.

"It's okay" he said soothingly "We're not going to hurt her. We just want to help her"

Clearly the beautiful dragon was not calmed by his words, and looked to Toothless. Luckily Toothless was somehow able to settle her nerves, not completely, but enough to let Hiccup hold her rider.

They rose to the sky "Alright gang change of plans. We need to get this girl back to the edge and help her"

"What about her-"

"Her dragon's coming with us. We can all freak out about her existence later"

"But what about Macey?"

"We'll have to come back for it another time"

"W-what?! Bu-"

"I'm sorry Tuff"

And with that they left. Tuffnut looked up to the sky whilst Ruffnut covered her ears.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

_**I've got so many ideas for this story! I'm already working on the next chapter so hopefully that'll be up soon!**_

_**Also, I've made a decision, my modern AU 'Accepting the Past' will be published after I've published 5 chapters of this story!**_

_**You know what to do**_

_**Shohini :)**_


	4. Who Is This Girl?

"So why are we helping this girl?" Camicazi asked

"She's another dragon rider and she rides another night fury. We have to find out about that" Hiccup replied as if it were obvious "Besides, she's only here because we crashed into her. It's the least we could do"

Said female rider was lying on the ground of the clubhouse unconscious. She had been since the fall and had made little signs of waking up.

"But she was coming from Viggo's base, isn't that a little-"

"Look I know it's weird that she came from Viggo's base. But right now she needs help, so that's what's important" Hiccup told her firmly.

Cami shrugged, still a little uneasy "As long as you know what you're doing"

Hiccup nodded.

"I just can't believe it!" Fishlegs exclaimed "There is actually another night fury out there! Who knows how many more there are in the Archipago! You've been dreaming of this since you met Toothless!"

"I have" he admitted "Honestly, this whole thing is a bit overwhelming right now. I think all the excitement will kick in when she's awake and I actually have some answers."

"Well can you describe her dragon for me? She won't really let any other person that close to her"

"You know what, just trace the night fury and make it white"

Fishlegs nodded eagerly.

"When do you think she'll wake up?"

"I'm honestly not sure" he shook his head "Soon, hopefully"

He knelt down beside her. As if the gods above had heard his hopes, her eyes shot open. Blue met green.

And Hiccup completely froze.

He _knew _those eyes. He had a distinct memory of those eyes piercing into his soul after he'd been freed. It was finally happening. This was the girl. Months of searching had finally come to this.

However, he didn't have much time to process. Before he knew it she was staring at everyone aggressively, holding her axe out to the nearest person... Who just happened to be him.

"STARLIGHT! Where is she?! I swear if you've so much as _touched _her I will-"

"Okaaaay there, let's maybe move the axe away from me" he chuckled nervously, moving the weapon away from him. Her glare remained firmly fixated on him, but she complied, taking the axe away from his neck and hugging it against her chest protectively.

Still cautious, he held out his hands to calm her "Starlight, I'm assuming is your dragon?" she nodded in response "She's just in the stables with Toothless and the other dragons"

"Stables-- Other dragons-- where am I?" she asked, clearly confused.

"This" he gestured around him "Is what we call, The Edge. We're dragon riders, just like you"

"Well, I wouldn't say _just _like me'' Astrid pointed out. Then suddenly a look of realization passed across her face and she turned to Hiccup eagerly "Hang on, you wouldn't happen to know...?"

"Astrid!"

"Heather!"

"Of course the two hot girls know each other" Snotlout mumbled.

The two girls lunged at each other excitedly. It didn't make sense to Hiccup at first, but then it clicked. Of course Heather knew Astrid. She'd been with the hunters for a short period of time. It made sense that the two had met. Hiccup wanted to be angry with Heather for hiding Astrid's existence from him, but found he couldn't. After all, he'd done the exact same thing.

"I can't believe you're actually here!"

"Me neither!"

"You finally escaped!"

"Yup! Used your little your mission as my distraction and just took off! Though it didn't quite go according to plan" she threw an amused look in Hiccup's direction, who simply blushed and rubbed his neck.

"How's Dagur?" Heather asked, voice becoming more reserved at the sensitive topic.

"He's good" Astrid told her softly "He talks about you a lot"

"I bet he does" she scoffed.

"No, really, he does" Astrid insisted "He wants to see you"

"Well I don't want to see him" Heather replied sharply.

"And you don't have to, not for a while at least" she reassured.

"Well never mind that" she shook her head "I'm just glad you're here"

"It's kind of weird being here" she laughed "When I left, I was actually going to look for you. Kind of... Don't know anyone else"

The happy reunion was cut short by Camicazi, who was unhappy at how quickly the stranger had settled in "What's your name again?"

"Astrid" she held out her hand and then promptly put it down when Cami ignored the gesture.

"So Astrid, how long have you worked for Viggo? Why did you want to escape? You're not some sort of, oh I don't know, spy are you?"

Astrid's quick senses had been ever so slightly diminished by the collision and she found herself unable to answer the constant questions.

Seeing Astrid's discomfort, Hiccup stepped in between the two girls "Okay Cami, enough with the third degree"

"I'm just trying to get answers"

"Not right now" he turned to Astrid "Why don't we introduce ourselves?"

"I think I might already know the names"

He blinked "You do?"

"Heather only talked about you guys like all the time. Let me see" her eyes scanned the room "Fishlegs?"

He nodded.

She looked at the young man flexing his muscles "Snotlout?"

"You know it babe"

She shuddered before turning to the more hostile rider "Camicazi?"

She nodded with indifference. Astrid looked at the twins.

"I'm Hiccup"

"No, I'm Hiccup!"

"We're both Hiccup"

She smiled "Tuffnut and Ruffnut. Which leaves..."

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third. Great name, I know" he held out his hand, smiling sarcastically.

She laughed and shook his hand "It's a pleasure"

"Do you want someone to take you to the stables to see your dragon?"

Astrid was about to nod when she noticed a white peeping in at the entrance "I don't think that'll be necessary" she then beckoned her friend over gently "Come here girl, it's alright"

Starlight walked in cautiously, Toothless following behind her. She nuzzled Astrid gently as Astrid smiled "I'm okay girl"

"As far as I can tell she's not injured" Fishlegs spoke up "I'm sorry if there's any injuries I didn't notice. She's a little... Defensive"

"I'm sorry about that" Astrid grimaced apologetically "She's not used to other people"

"Nothing to be sorry about" he dismissed "I just can't believe she actually exists"

"Yeah it's so cool!" Ruff piped in "There's another night fury!"

"Actually I think she's more like a Bri-"

"She's a light fury"

That shut Hiccup. He chuckled nervously "Yours is better... Probably..."

"H-how did you find her?" Fishlegs asked

"In the forest near Viggo's base. I was collecting resources like food and stuff and... There she was. My axe was being sharpened by one of their men so I didn't have any weapons, except a measly knife. I knew a knife against a dragon I'd never encountered before was useless, besides, I was injured at the time. Dislocated shoulder from a meeting gone wrong with a timberjack. There was no fight. She fired a plasma blast at me, so obviously I ducked. I realized she still thought of me as a threat so I got rid of the knife. After that she stopped attacking me. Didn't try to interact with me, just left me alone. I disabled some of Viggo's and Ryker's traps"

"Why?" Ruffnut asked.

"I figured since she let me live, the least I could do was let her do the same" she shrugged "Any dragon I've ever fought has always attacked me first. Although Starlight did attack me first, it was only because she felt threatened. Once I made it clear I wouldn't harm her she was completely placid. Anyways, a snow storm came in, a bad one too. When night fell I was completely trapped. Starlight helped me. She put a wing around me to keep me warm. She was actually helping me. I realized... I didn't actually know anything about dragons. Just what Viggo and Ryker had taught me. So I decided to learn for myself and what I discovered was amazing. We became friends" she hugged Starlight.

"Did she regurgitate fish for you?" Hiccup asked, thinking back to when he met Toothless.

"No, of course not. Wait- Did your dragon do that for you?" she asked, hiding her replusion.

He looked away "Maybe"

"Anyways" she got back to the story "Like I said, we became friends. Or at least, began to. The snow storm lasted longer than we expected. I was in the forest for quite a while. I fed her, and in return she kept me warm. She could've flown away but she didn't. She helped me. We just kept meeting and learning about each other. After seeing everything I'd seen, and knowing everything I knew, I couldn't go back to just trapping dragons. So I helped them in secret. Fed them, nursed them, even let them go sometimes. Viggo and Ryker had no idea, until a guard saw me and snaked me out" Astrid growled at the memory.

"I'm guessing they weren't too happy at the idea"

"You'd be guessing right" she frowned "Gods, I got the beating of my life. I think I might still have a scar or two actually"

Hiccup flinched, something about the idea of this girl coming into any harm didn't sit well with him "I'm sorry"

"Why? It's not like you did anything"

"I know. But that's an awful thing for someone to go through regardless"

"Nah it's okay" she smirked, much to his surprise "It's only fun if you get a scar out of it"

"Yup. Pain. Love it" he shot back sarcastically.

She smiled a little which he returned. Camicazi frowned angrily.

"Why were you even with Viggo and Ryker in the first place? As far I can tell there are no other women in his base. Unless one of them has a secret wife. Or you're like their sister or something"

"Trust me, I'm not related to them. They always reminded me of that. Said I was no where near good enough to be their sister"

"So how did you end up with them?" Tuffnut asked before gasping "Wait, did you like travel back in time to join forces with them? Is something disastrous going to happen in the future?! _When_ are you from?!"

"Uh..." Astrid hesitated, clearly unsure of how to answer.

"Alright Tuff, enough with the time travel" Hiccup stopped his crazy best friend "How did you end up with them?"

"They said they found me when I was a baby with a note. They raised me. Taught me everything I know, unfortunately. I've been with them the last eighteen years."

"Why didn't you escape sooner?"

"Like I said, eighteen years" she pointed out "It's a long time. Although I'll admit, it was only three years I spent unhappy"

"Wait a minute, eighteen years with them, three unhappy, when did you meet Starlight?"

"Oh um, when I was fifteen I think" Astrid answered

"Oh my gods" Hiccup said in amazement

"What?"

"You met your light fury around the same time I met Toothless!"

"Toothless? Who's- Oof!" she was cut off by said dragon nudging into her and accidentally knocking her down.

"Toothless!"

"I'm guessing this is him" she gestured to the night fury resting his head on her lap.

"Sorry, he's kind of excitable" he grinned "And apparently he seems to remember you"

"Remember me? Why would he remember me?" once she looked into the night fury's mesmerizing emerald spheres it hit her "Ohhhhh, I freed you guys a few months ago. No wonder you looked so familiar to me"

"Wait what? Freed you?" Camicazi looked at Hiccup confused.

Once again, Hiccup laughed nervously. It was beginning to become a habit for him "Camicazi, do you remember when I saved you from those hunters a few months ago"

"Yeah" she said, getting an idea of where the story was going

"Right, well I returned to the Edge and to you guys the next morning because Astrid here let Toothless and me go in the middle of the night. She undid my chains and helped me escape"

"And you didn't tell us this because...?" The blonde asked.

"Because I didn't want him to" Astrid replied for him "I made him promise not to tell anyone about who I was, and I'm glad to see he kept it" she smiled at Hiccup.

"Well, figured it was the least I could do"

"And why did you make him promise that?" Cami asked, small amounts of aggressiveness in her tone.

"I didn't want anyone to know about me" she told her simply "I thought it would only complicate things if people knew about me. I wanted to keep things simple. Live in private and save the dragons. Thought it might be harder with people trying to fight me and seeing me as some sort of obstacle to eliminate." she turned to Hiccup "Though you didn't make that easy"

"I didn't?"

"No! You kept trying to find me. And you got pretty close a few times as well. You weren't easy to hide from"

"Wait, so I nearly found you a few times?"

"More than a few, now that I think about it"

He found himself unable to suppress his smile of satisfaction.

"I won't lie, that makes me happy"

"So you've been hiding this from us for three months?"

"He didn't do anything wrong, he was just keeping his pr-" Astrid tried to defend

"I wasn't talking to you" Camicazi growled.

"Okay Cami, enough" Heather said "Astrid do you mind if the riders talk in private for a moment?"

Astrid nodded casually "Go ahead"

All the riders went to the other side of the clubhouse, forming a huddle.

"I don't trust her" Cami whispered instantly.

"Yeah, you've made that clear" Hiccup scoffed.

"Well can you blame me? She worked for Viggo for eighteen years"

"If you think about it, it's more like ten. She wouldn't have been working when she was a baby so she probably started work around five and it seems like she stopped working from fifteen till now so..." Fishlegs spoke up.

"Thank you, Fishlegs" The wild blonde got out through gritted teeth.

"Look, we can trust Astrid. I know her, she kept my secret from Viggo and protected me while I was with the hunters."

"Well if Heather trusts her, I can definitely try" Fishlegs said "Besides, she seems to have a lot of knowledge about dragons, it might come in handy for the book of dragons"

"We are NOT showing her that!"

"Cami, calm down" Hiccup said "Look, I agree we shouldn't show her the book of dragons straight away but we should try and trust her"

"Well obviously if Heather trusts her, I do too. Whatever my babe thinks, I think" Snotlout smirked, causing everyone to roll their eyes.

"I think we should trust her! Make things more interesting around her!" Tuffnut exclaimed.

"Agree brother! Let's mix things up!" Ruffnut agreed

"Hiccup you can't be serious-"

"I want her to stay" he said with no hesitation "Look, I know the risks of letting her stay, but I think it's worth it." he looked over at the blonde girl playing with the two furies "Toothless trusts her. And he clearly likes her dragon"

"But Hiccup-"

"If she actually still worked for Viggo why would he let her keep the light fury? Wouldn't she be in captivity by now?"

Nobody could argue with that logic.

"Exactly. Honestly, I think she could be a dragon rider one day" he looked over at her once more "She's... Different from anyone I've met before. Good different"

Heather couldn't help but notice the way he looked Astrid, she grinned to herself.

"Everyone clear?"

The gang all nodded, some more begrudgingly than others, and disbanded.

"So Astrid, just make yourself comfortable"

"Oh I really should be go-"

"It was a rough fall. Just take a few days to rest, please?"

The way he was looking at her, she couldn't find it in her to say no "Alright, just for a few days"

"Great! I'll give you a tour! You can stay in my hut! Bet you'll love it babe" Snotlout sauntered over and slung an arm around her.

Astrid backed away, grip tightening on her axe.

"Yeah, that's not happening" Hiccup deadpanned "I'll give you the tour. Cami, Heather, make some space in your hut"

"What?! No way Hiccup"

"Cami-"

"No!"

"You know, it really won't be necessary" Astrid intervened "Really, I'm fine sleeping in the stables. I want to be close to Starlight anyways. At least, for the first night"

"Still do it" he smiled at her "Just in case you change your mind"

After that everyone went about their own business. Heather tugged Hiccup back.

"You think she's cute, don't you?"

"W-what?! No!" Hiccup stuttered nervously "Why would you even ask me that?"

"I saw the way you looked at her Hiccup" she smirked

"T-that would be unprofessional! She might become a dragon rider one day and I wouldn't date a dragon rider. I can't do that. Besides, I-"

"Hiccup" she cut in knowingly

Flustered, he gave in "Fine! I think she's cute, okay?"

She laughed "I knew it!"

"But that's not why I want her to stay. I do genuinely think she could help us"

"Oh I know that. I just wanted to hear you admit it!"

"I hate you" he glared playfully before going to meet Astrid.

Little did they know a certain rider had heard what they were talking about, and she was furious at the insinuation.

xxxx

"Why is this spot empty?"

"Camicazi has her hut in the garden area, and Heather isn't a permanent rider so she normally shares with Cami when she's here"

Astrid nodded "I see. So what will this spot be used for?"

"I don't know yet. Maybe a guest hut or something"

"Or an armoury!" she exclaimed "What can I say? I like my weapons"

He simply chuckled "Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"Go ahead"

"When you were flying on Starlight, was it?" she nodded "Right, when you were flying on Starlight, you completely disappeared into thin air. How did you do that?"

She held up her cloak "Light fury scales" she explained "Dragons shed a lot"

"Hey that might be good for armour..." he said, millions of ideas popping into his head.

"Maybe" she agreed "Basically what happens is her skin heats up when she shoots a plasma blast and then her scales become reflective so she can disguise herself in the blast. So whenever that happens, I just cover myself in my cloak to help me disappear too"

"That's so cool!"

"Thanks" she smiled "It was either that or get my hair all messed up whenever I flew through one of her blast"

He couldn't help but laugh more "Yeah, I know the feeling"

He turned around to throw a pointed look at his dragon, who shot him a toothy grin in response.

"Useless reptile" he muttered shaking his head, sporting a slight smile.

"Would you not be in the hands of Viggo if it weren't for that 'useless reptile'?"

"Fair point" he admitted "I would also be in the hands of Viggo if it weren't for you"

"I'm sure that's not true" she dismissed "What I did was nothing"

"It was not nothing" he disagreed "You really helped me that night. I was honestly completely stuck"

"You would've figured something out" she told him "I've been watching you guys for a long time. I've lost count of the times I've seen you escape"

"I've lost count of the times we've been captured"

"I can imagine" she smiled "Both you and Viggo are very... Persistent"

"That's one way of putting it" he said dryly.

"For you it's a good thing. For Viggo not so much, though he can't see that"

"I'm surprised he let you stay after he found out you were helping the dragons"

"He's... More sentimental than he'd ever admit" she said slowly, trying to find the right wording "Having a person around you for fifteen years, surely you develop some amount of attachment. At least that's what I'd like to think. Either that or he wasn't willing to accept that he invested fifteen years into me all for nothing"

He watched her carefully, almost studying her. There was some amount of her sadness in her eyes, he wasn't sure if she even realized it.

"You still care for them, don't you?"

She hesitated "I don't know. I mean, yes and no. Viggo and Ryker were nice to me when I was younger. Like I said, they raised me, it had it's good moments. They always made it seem like they were the heroes, because if it weren't for them I don't what kind of life I would have been living. But as I got older I realized that the life they'd supposedly allowed me to live, wasn't the one I wanted. They weren't heroes, they were just people that fit the circumstance."

Hiccup watched her get lost in her own thoughts. He considered interrupting, but decided it would not be of any use. She was in too deep.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be away from them. They were aggressive, abusive and manipulative by every definition. But... They did play a big part of my life. I can't exactly call them father figures, but it had to be a close second. So, I guess the young girl in me cares about them as influential parts of my life. But actually caring about them as people? Not so much"

"This must have been really hard for you" he said sympathetically.

"It was" she replied, looking straight ahead "But it was inevitable. I couldn't stay there and be a part of something so... Vile. Something that practically goes against every single thing I believe"

"I get that" he told her genuinely "Before Berk united with dragons, I nearly left with Toothless. I didn't see a way for things to change and I didn't want to be a part of it"

"What changed your mind?"

"I began to leave, but while I was on the flight Toothless flew into a volcano and that's when we discovered the Red Death. Knowing that new information, I didn't want to leave and let Berk wrongly judge the dragons. The plan kind of backfired"

"How so?"

"It's a long story" he chuckled, suppressing his nerves "But long story short, Berk changed, the people changed"

"You're lucky" Astrid scoffed, somewhat cynical "Viggo and Ryker would never change their minds about dragons"

"I'll admit I don't see it happening anytime soon" he said uneasily, it wasn't nice to say, given her strained closeness with the pair, but he wouldn't give her false hope either.

"I'm just glad I got away with Starlight. If I had to choose between them and her, I'd choose her in a heartbeat"

"It's impressive how long you kept her a secret"

"Thanks. It wasn't easy"

"I can imagine"

"But the point is, I'm finally away from there"

He smiled gently "I'm glad you ended up here"

"Well the cause for it wasn't the best" she joked before her expression became softer "I'm glad I ended up here too"

xxxx

"Why would you ask Hiccup that?!"

"What?" Heather asked confused, moving a few clothes around.

"Don't act so innocent, you know what you asked him!"

"I really don't Camicazi. You're gonna have to tell me"

"You asked him if he thought that Astrid chick was cute!" she yelled angrily.

"Oh that" Heather smiled, attempting to calm her friend "That was just teasing"

"But you don't need to encourage him!"

"Cami" she said somewhat sadly "You know how he feels about you"

When Heather and Camicazi had first met, they became quick friends. Camicazi was admittedly a little hostile towards her at first, but quickly eased up. Heather learnt of Cami's crush and decided to take matters into her own hands. She interrogated Hiccup about his feelings on the matter, all the while keeping Cami's crush a secret. He insisted that the two were just friends and that's all they would ever be. Heather often had a sixth sense when it cames to affairs of the heart. And the way Hiccup spoke of Camicazi, there was admiration, adoration and love.

But it all came from a place of friendship.

Disheartened, Heather had revealed the news to Camicazi, who was understandably. Still, she persisted with this idea that maybe he would change his mind. But that could never happen if some new girl came into the picture.

"It could still happen" she insisted "He-"

"Only sees you as a friend" Heather finished for her quietly "Cami I'm sorry. But I want you to move on and find someone worthy of you, not just sit and pine for someone you can't have"

"I thought you were meant to be my friend" she accused sharply.

"I am your friend!" the raven haired rider exclaimed "And as your friend, I want you to be happy. Moving on from Hiccup will allow you to do that"

"Still, a friend wouldn't go up to their friend's crush ask if they found some random girl cute" She childishly argued

"Look, of course I'm your friend. But I'm also Hiccup's friend, as well as Astrid's. I noticed the way they looked at each other and jokingly brought it up to him. It was just friendly teasing. Come on, surely you knew he'd find someone eventually"

"I just never imagined him with anyone else" she admitted with a sigh.

"I know, and it won't be easy. It may not even amount to anything. But you should at least get used to the idea"

"I know" she said sadly "I still don't like that girl though"

Heather groaned "Can't you just give her a chance?"

''Not until she proves herself"

"She will. She's one of the strongest people I've ever met"

Cami nodded stiffly "We'll see"

**_So in case it wasn't clear, Cami's hut is where Fishlegs said Heather's hypothetical hut would have been, had she become a permanent rider._**

**_The reason I changed Heather's story about how she became friends with Camicazi is because it's a different story. Cami isn't a stand in for Astrid, and without Astrid the entire story changes, including the relationships in it._**

**_Quote from next chapter: "I know what it's like to risk things. Fairly sure that's why I have a metal leg"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	5. Settling In

"Since when do you make breakfast?" Heather asked.

"Oh, you know, woke up early, besides we have a guest so I figured it's the polite thing to make breakfast..." Hiccup replied, cooking.

"Hicccup's got a girlfriend! Hiccup's got a girlfriend!" Snotlout teased.

"Very funny" the lanky teen rolled his eyes.

"Well Hiccup, you've never really cooked for a guest before" Fishlegs offered meekly.

"See! Even Fishface sees it!"

"Shut up Snotlout"

"You don't deny it!"

Blood flowed to Hiccup's cheeks as he looked away flustered. Camicazi sat in the corner, stewing and seething.

"Good morning" Astrid said softly, entering the clubhouse.

"Astrid!" Hiccup exclaimed happily at the sight of her "Did you sleep well?"

"As close to well as possible" she admitted, sitting at the table "I'm still adjusting"

"I'm sure you will soon"

"With time" she replied looking around the clubhouse "Thank you for letting me stay here, I really appreciate it"

"It's no problem" he smiled "Where's Starlight?"

"Resting. She had a rough day yesterday"

"How are you feeling?" Camicazi asked

"Better" Astrid responded, surprised by the calmness of the fellow blonde "Not quite one hundred percent, but I'm getting there. Should be back to normal soon, I heal fast"

"So you'll be leaving soon then?" she asked pointedly.

There it was, Astrid shrugged "More than likely. If not by this evening, then definitely tomorrow"

Hiccup sat next to her and placed a plate of food in front of her "You don't have to leave yet, take as much time as you need"

"I appreciate it, but I don't want to over stay my welcome and-"

"Hey, don't even worry about that" he waved it off dismissively "You're not over staying anything. And besides, you and Heather will probably want more than a day to catch up"

Heather nodded in agreement "Yeah, come on Astrid, there is so much I have to fill you in on.

Astrid contemplated it "I guess we do have a lot to talk about..."

"But you don't need to stay if you don't want to, don't feel obligated or anything. Nobody will care if you decide to leave" Cami cut in, passive aggressiveness seeping into her tone.

"That's not true" Heather said sitting at Astrid's other side

Astrid smiled gratefully "Thanks you guys" she looked down briefly at her plate, playing with her food "I'll think about it"

Hiccup smiled, holding in a sigh of relief. He really didn't want her to leave yet.

"HICCUP!"

All heads turned to see the two Thorston twins posing dramatically at the door. Hiccup mentally braced himself for what was about to happen.

"It... Is time!"

"Time for what Tuff?"

"Time to retrieve my precious Macey!"

"Oh Thor" he grumbled tiredly "Look Tuff, can we maybe go get Macey tomorrow? We're all pretty tired today"

Tuffnut stared at him in horror "But you promised!"

"You did promise that" Ruffnut stuck up for her brother

"Look, we will get it back. Just maybe not today"

"Excuse you! Macey is a 'her' not an 'it'. And Viggo will get his annoying hands on HER if we don't go today"

"Then we'll get HER back if they do. We've beaten them plenty of times before. We don't have to go today"

"But you promised!" he repeated desperately

"When?" Hiccup asked "When did I actually promise?"

"It was heavily implied through your words!"

"Can we just go another day? I was supposed to help Astrid settle in"

Astrid placed a hand on his shoulder "I'm sure someone else can help me settle in. You should go with them, it seems important to them"

Hiccup hesitated as Ruffnut grinned "I like her"

"I can help you settle in" Heather offered happily and Astrid's eyes lit up at the suggestion.

"That's a great idea!"

Seeing that Astrid wanted some quality time with Heather, Hiccup realized he might as well help the twins. He surpressed his disappointment. It's not that he was sad that she wanted to spend time with Heather, on the contrary. It was understandable, besides, it was refreshing to see Heather so happy. He was disappointed because he'd been looking forward to spending more time with her but he was sure they'd spend more time together, or at the very least, he certainly hoped they would.

"Okay you guys, I guess we'll go get Macey today"

Tuffnut let out a gasp of elation "YES! Thanks H!"

"I'll come with you guys for back-up" Camicazi volunteered.

"Yeah I'll come too. You guys will need as much protection as possible. And everyone knows I'm CLEARLY the best at protecting all of your butts" Snotlout bragged, clearly trying to impress Astrid.

The aforementioned teen simply ignored this and got lost in her own thoughts.

"Okay so it's settled. Camicazi, the twins, Snotlout and me will go back to get Macey from Viggo's base. Fishlegs and Heather will help Astrid get a little more settled in."

"Can I give you some advice?" Astrid asked tentatively.

"Um, sure. Go ahead"

"Well you're going back to Viggo's base, not just one of his fleets, right?" Hiccup nodded in confirmation and Astrid continued "Right, well you went in through the back last time, you want to go through the front, that's your best bets''

"And why is that?" Camicazi interrupted "Surely going through the back again is our best option. Viggo obviously thinks we wouldn't go through the back again, so his weaker guards will be on that entrance, easier to beat"

"And Viggo knows that's that you would think like that. Viggo's clever, he gets into his enemies' minds and figures out how they're thinking, then he uses it against them. He does it everytime"

"Astrid has a point, Viggo does like to keep ahead of his opponents, and a lot of our plans have failed in the past because he's been able to predict our next move" Hiccup agreed "Can you show us where exactly where these entrances are?"

Camicazi fumed "And how can we trust her? For all we know, she's sending us into a suicide mission!"

"I promise you, that's not what I'm doing" Astrid told her genuinely "I want Viggo to be defeated just as much as you do. What he's doing is wrong, no matter what he's done for me, I can't deny it. I want to help you"

Camicazi wanted nothing more than to argue and yell and get everyone to see this strangers lies, but she couldn't. Not when they all sounded so sincere.

"We believe you Astrid" Hiccup reassured, placing a hand on her shoulder "Do you have anyway of showing us where all the entrances are?"

"Yes, actually" she pulled out a map from underneath her cloak and unfolded it. She layed it out on the table and pointed to a particular spot "This back entrance will have some of the stronger guards, but Viggo will be cautious. As far as Viggo knows, you don't know about these side entrances, and Viggo's smart, but he's not smart enough to think that far ahead. What you do is go through the front, it's obvious but it'll make them think they have power, then during the fight someone has to 'accidentally' find the side entrances which are here and here" she pointed to two parts of the map "That way you have the knowledge for future reference and Viggo and Ryker don't figure out that someone helped you find the side entrances"

"Any other tips?"

"You shouldn't all go in through the sides. Send one of your stronger fighters to the back, make Viggo and Ryker think they've figured you out, like I said, it makes them think they have leverage. It makes them more vulnerable, they'll be too caught up in winning and that's when you hit"

"Why do you carry a map of Viggo's base with you?" Cami interrogated.

This time, Astrid was prepared and answered instantly with a shrug "In case I needed to go back. I do know the base pretty well but better safe than sorry"

"As long as we get back Macey!" Tuffnut yelled.

Hiccup smiled at Astrid "Thank you"

Astrid returned his grin "It's no problem, just be careful"

"Do we really seem like the kind of people who wouldn't be careful?"

Astrid gave her a look that saw straight through him.

"Never mind, don't answer that"

Astrid simply laughed in response before getting up from the table "Is it okay if I take some fish? Starlight needs her breakfast"

Fishlegs nodded "Go ahead"

The young shield maiden took a barrel of fish and headed for the exit.

"I'll come with you" Heather said

Heather dragged Astrid out of the clubhouse excitedly and Hiccup couldn't help but let his eyes follow her retreating figure. He really didn't know why but he liked this girl, a lot. More than he ever would have expected. However, once Heather turned around grinning and mouthing 'you've got it bad', he rolled his eyes and went back to his food. He was blushing like crazy.

Cami was also red, but for a completely different reason.

xxxx

"I still can't believe that you're here" Heather said happily, hurling her axe into a tree.

"Honestly, I can't either" Astrid beamed, retrieving her axe from a tree.

"And I can't believe that you were riding a light fury and didn't tell me!" Heather exclaimed, though there was no anger in her tone.

A look akin to guilt crossed her face "I thought about it. But asking you to keep me a secret was hard enough, to add such weight on top of that seemed unfair to you. Besides, the way you described Hiccup, I was worried if you somehow let it slip, he would try find her and meet her"

Heather nodded in understanding "I'm just happy you escaped Viggo, I know how difficult things were for you back there"

The young shield maiden hesitated before throwing her axe again "For a really long time, I didn't think this would happen"

"What? Seeing me?"

"Well, yes but also" she paused for a moment "Just leaving Viggo and Ryker in general, I didn't know if I could do it"

"Because of the sentiment?"

"Partly, yes, but it was more than that" Astrid yanked her axe from the bark "If I had left back then, I wouldn't have known where to go. I didn't know anyone outside of the base and when you travel around like people Viggo and Ryker..."

"You make more friends than enemies" The raven haired rider concluded for her.

Astrid nodded "Exactly"

"I know we talked about this when I was with the hunters but, remind me again, why did you never look for your parents?"

"I wanted to but I had no idea where to start, the only thing I have from my parents is my axe" she cradled the weapon to her chest "According to Viggo and Ryker, it came with the note. They gave it to me as soon as I was able to hold it properly. It means the world to me, but I knew it wasn't enough to find them, I couldn't just go and ask every viking in the Archipelago if they recognized it. And even more than that, weapons can look similar, people can lie because they possibly want the weapon and then there's always the possibility that my real parents may still not want me or that they might be..."

Astrid trailed off, unable to finish her thought. Heather flashed her a sympathetic look. The blonde girl's grip on her axe tightened as she shut her eyes and held back tears.

"I'm sure you'll find them eventually"

"I hope" Astrid agreed, beginning to return to normal "Though I'll admit I'm not too hopeful. I think too many years with Ryker and Viggo squashed my ability to hope for things"

It was meant to be a joke, but it really just sounded like a sad statement. Astrid had never hoped for much growing up, she found that the rare times she did it ended in disappointment. Throughout her childhood, she'd constantly hoped that Viggo or Ryker would tell her that they loved her, appreciated her, simply cared about her. But it never happened, it shamed her to admit it, but to this day she'd never even heard someone say_ 'I love you' _to her.

"Well who knows, maybe you'll learn to hope again with the riders, it is one of our key characteristics"

"You certainly are an optimistic group" Astrid commented, smiling.

"Thanks to Hiccup, he has enough hope for all of us, and others" Heather laughed.

"It's quite refreshing to meet such a nice group of people who are so welcoming" memories of a certain rider's hostility raced through her mind "Well, mostly"

"Camicazi will come around eventually" Heather reassured, sensing her reservation "She's just being a little cautious"

"Can't say I blame her" Astrid admitted "I am basically the enemy"

"You know that's not true" she disagreed.

I've worked for Viggo and Ryker for so many years now..."

"But you're not like them. You helped the dragons so much, you cared for them and saved them from Viggo and Ryker, what kind of enemy does that?"

Astrid sighed "Was it wrong to leave? At least when I was with them I was still helping the dragons. Now I'm just... Letting it happen"

"No, you're with us now and we'll-"

"I don't know if I'm staying Heather"

Her raven haired best friend tensed slightly "I really think you'd like it here"

"As do I. And if it weren't for the... Complications of it all, I would stay in a heartbeat"

Heather understood. In some twisted way, after getting to know her brother she didn't want to betray him. Well, she did in some ways. He was a bad person, and Heather knew that, but still, he provided the only form of family Heather ever wanted, craved However, she had to do it in the end. It was easier though. Heather had only really known Dagur for a few months at most, it was fairly easy to remember his sins. Astrid had been there her whole life, things weren't always so black and white in her situation.

"It's just... The Viggo of it all"

"Don't forget Ryker" Astrid reminded lightly "He may not necessarily hold the brains, but his brawn can be quite effective when needs be" she grimaced.

It was only in that moment, Heather noticed the faint handprint on her cheek and the blossoming bruise on her arm.

"Oh gods" she gasped, it shouldn't have surprised her, she had been with the hunters after all. Yet, seeing those marks on someone she cared about, it still shocked her.

"Oh don't worry about that" Astrid said casually, sensing her concern "Stuff like these" she gestured to her bruises "Heal quickly. Besides, a man in the northern markets sold me some paints that help them heal and hide them at the same time. I obviously need to apply a little more tonight"

"I'm just glad you're out of there"

"So am I" the blonde warrior sighed "But it doesn't mean I can stay here"

"Astrid-"

"My intention when I left Viggo and Ryker was to escape. Just that. I never intended to join his mortal enemy and the group that basically goes against every single thing he stands for"

"Don't you already kind of go against everything they stand for?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

She paused, pondering over the statement "I suppose I do. But at least when I rebelled, I did it by myself. To go against him by joining the bane of his existence... It seems like too great of a betrayal"

Now it was Heather turn to sigh "I thought you said were going to at least think about it"

"It's not like all these thoughts came off the top of my head" she joked slightly, trying to lighten the mood. Seeing the sadness in her eyes, Astrid decided to give Heather a small amount of hope "Look I'm not saying I won't stay here. It's just... A lot to get over"

''Where would you go?"

"I'm not sure, after you left you flew solo for a while, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well what if I did that? How was that for you?"

She wanted nothing more than to simply lie and say it was awful, but if the idea made Astrid happy, she could never lie.

"It was amazing. Refreshing and really eye-opening. I learnt a lot about myself on my own"

Her best friend looked at her, hopeful glint in her eyes.

Well, at least this next negative part was the truth "But it was also very lonely and there were times where I didn't know how I would go on"

Astrid's shoulders slumped ever so slightly.

"But if we let the negatives stop us from doing what we wanted then we'd never do anything" she added optimistically.

"It's definitely one option" Astrid decided.

"And staying is one too?"

The former hunter simply smiled softly in response.

Heather then decided to change the subject, realizing this may be a losing battle. If Astrid didn't stay, Heather at least wanted to enjoy the time they had together.

"I bet Hiccup will be disappointed if you leave" she teased lightly "He seems to really like you"

"W-what?!" Astrid exclaimed, cheeks bright red, as her precious weapon went flying Thor knows where.

"Oh come on Astrid, I see the way you two are together" Heather said smugly.

"Isn't he with... What did you say her name was?... Camicazi?" she asked hesitantly.

"Hiccup and Camicazi? No, they're not together"

"Oh, really? But I thought..."

"They're very good friends, but they're not a couple. He doesn't see her like that"

_'But she sees him like that'_ Astrid thought somewhat morosely.

She was not blind to the way Camicazi looked at Hiccup, she clearly wanted more than the friendship they already had. Hiccup seemed to be oblivious to this. However, whether this was out of choice or sheer ignorance Astrid could not tell. The bottom line was that Camicazi had more than friend feelings for Hiccup, and that was enough to cease any miniscule growing feelings Astrid may have had.

It was true, Astrid had initially felt a feeling akin to attraction towards the leader when she first arrived, but it was a short lived flame, one that she would force herself to put out, even is she didn't necessarily want to.

She was a guest. She already felt bad that she was staying, it was not her place to interfere with their routine.

"Oh well, that doesn't matter to me" Astrid tried, and failed, to say casually.

"Does it not?" the raven haired rider asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope." Astrid persisted.

"Mhm. Sure"

Heather saw something between the pair, even though they didn't see it yet. _Yet_.

xxxx

"But Hiccup please just listen-"

"I've listened plenty Cami"

It was true, Hiccup had spent the majority of the flight listening to Camicazi talk his ear off about the Astrid situation.

"I'll listen to you babe" Snotlout winked.

Cami rolled her eyes and turned back to Hiccup.

"I don't understand why you're accepting her so easily"

"She's proved herself to me"

"How?"

"She saved me, and Toothless for that matter" Hiccup said like it was supposed to be obvious.

"But she'd been planning on leaving for a while, probably during the time she let and Toothless free, she may have done it to get in your good graces"

"Okay Camicazi now you're being ridiculous, why would Astrid try to get in the good graces of a person she never thought she'd ever have to see again?"

Hearing it out loud, it did sound a little silly "Fine, you're right"

He sighed with relief "Thank you"

"Not so fast" she said sharply "You were right that that was a silly theory. Not about everything else"

"Why won't you just trust her?" he groaned in frustration

"Because, she may have proven herself to you, but she hasn't proven herself to me"

Hiccup sighed that, at least, he could understand "Okay I get that. But you have to admit Cami, you could've been a little more welcoming"

The wild blonde kept a face of indifference "Maybe, but I'm just being cautious"

Hiccup and Camicazi went back a long way, he knew her better than any of the other riders and vice versa. There was more to her story than she let on. She was holding back, he could tell from the way she was holding herself, shoulders tense and posture rigid. There were definitely thoughts that he wasn't hearing about.

"And I understand, but for all you say about being cautious and wanting Astrid to prove herself to you, do you really want her to? Are you willing to let her?"

The way her body stiffened was answer enough.

"I knew it"

"I just think you're letting your emotion cloud your judgement. This girl saved you once and now you refuse to accept that she may be dangerous to have around. I'm just saying, it's a big risk and I don't think you know-"

"I know what it's like to risk things. Fairly sure that's why I have a metal leg" Hiccup deadpanned.

"Viggo and Ryker raised her" she argued uselessly.

"Stoick the Vast raised me. He was an infamous dragon killer, slaying any dragon that came in his way. Fifteen years I lived under those rules, then I met a dragon and things changed" he countered.

"That's different-"

"How?"

"When things changed for you, you tried to show your father the truth, she didn't"

"Like you said, that's different"

"How?"

"My dad never hit me"

That effectively silenced her. Camicazi had never considered the _physical _element of it all.

"Look Cami, I'm not asking you to tell Astrid all of your secrets, I'm not asking you to become her friend, I'm just asking you to _try_. I won't lie to you, I really want her to stay a lot, but she'll never do that if she feels unwelcomed"

Still, the wild blonde seemed unsettled at the idea so Hiccup perpersisted.

"Camicazi please, I really need your support for this. You're one of my best friends"

There were those words again. Those words she hated with a burning passion. Those words that restricted her to a level of closeness that would never please her. Those words she wished Hiccup would stop using to describe her.

She gave in with a huff "Fine I'll try, but let's see if her little plan works first"

It did. Almost perfectly, actually. Hiccup and Snotlout had done their fighting at the front, Camicazi at the back, and somewhere in the middle of it all Ruffnut managed to find the side entrances Astrid had been talking about. Plus, Tuffnut regained his dear Macey, so all in all it was a success. Tuffnut rejoiced the whole flight back, Ruffnut begrudgingly listened, Snotlout bragged about how he was the reason they pulled the whole thing off and Hiccup couldn't stop grinning.

Camicazi just scowled.

**_Hope you enjoyed it! Our riders have quite the rocky road ahead of them..._**

**_Quote from next chapter: "I didn't see that coming, but I feel like I should have"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	6. Friends

"Astrid?"

She looked up from her plate of food and noticed the stocky blonde approaching her nervously.

She smiled kindly "Hi um... Fishlegs, right?"

He nodded and she gestured for him to sit down, an action he did promptly.

"How are you enjoying your stay?"

"You're making it sound like some sort of holiday" she joked, attempting to lighten the mood "But I'm enjoying it very much, thank you"

"That's good" he smiled before becoming cautious again "Would you mind if I asked you a couple of questions?"

"Questions about what?" she asked cautiously.

"Just about your light fury. We've never encountered one before. It's just so we know what to do if we ever see one again"

Astrid hesitated slightly but soon relaxed "Sure. Why not?"

"Really? Great!" he exclaimed excitedly "Where should we start?"

"Well the first thing you should know is that Starlight is fierce but she's loyal. She'll help anyone who needs it, but you have to earn her trust first. That seems to be a common trait amongst all light furies, and most dragons in general really" Astrid recounted

Fishlegs nodded, taking notes "Have you seen many light furies?"

She thought back to her countless secret adventures "A few. They're pretty rare though. You won't find them just anywhere. I got lucky meeting Starlight. Apart from her I've only met three others"

"And they all had similar personalities?"

"Mostly. Some were more hostile than others. One thing about light furies is that their trust is a little harder to earn than other dragons. They're not as used to humans as some other dragons might be. Be slow in approaching them and, in whatever way you can, prove yourself. Prove you're not a threat, they may not trust you, but they won't hurt you"

He wrote furiously "These are all really good tips, thanks. Can we go over basics now?"

The blonde runaway nodded with confidence. She'd had Starlight's stats memorized since she was 15. Though she doubted they'd ever meet another light fury, but having the information wouldn't hurt.

"What are her abilities? Other than the cloaking thing"

"Well she has reflective scales, which is how the cloaking happens. Other than that she also has camouflage, stealth flight and retractable"

"Toothless has retractable teeth too"

"Well they are fairly similar"

"I wonder if they share any other abilities"

She pondered over the statement for a few seconds "They might do but I'm not sure"

"Anyways" he got back on topic "Class?"

"Strike"

"Wing span?"

"42 feet"

"Attack?"

"15"

"Speed?"

"20"

"Armor?"

"18"

"Firepower?"

"14"

"Shot limit?"

"6"

"Interesting. Venom?"

"0"

"Jaw strength?"

"6"

"Stealth?"

"18"

Each question had come out more eager than the last. This Fishlegs fellow was certainly a dragon enthusiast, and that may have been an understatement. She didn't mind, on the contrary actually. After spending so much time with people who loathed dragons, it was refreshing to be around someone who adored them so much. His love for them almost had a child-like innocence to it, in the same way Hiccup's did, and Astrid found it to be wonderful.

"Alright, I think that's all I need" he gathered all his notes together "Really, thank you for doing this. It's just good to know if we ever see another light fury and don't have you to consult"

That was another thing she liked. Fishlegs seemed to be the only one who could come to terms with the idea that she might leave.

"It's no problem" she dismissed grin uhh before adding on "And thank you for understanding that I may not stay" she joked lightly.

"Well it would be nice for Heather, and maybe Hiccup, if you stayed. And I would like it as well, you seem to know yourself. But you're your own person so it's your decision."

Astrid's grin widened at that last sentence. The idea that she could _finally _be her own person was exhilarating.

"Oh and Astrid?" Fishlegs asked with a little hesitancy

"Yeah Fishlegs?"

"Could we maybe do this again before you leave?"

"Sure" her eyes lit up "Anytime"

xxxx

"Ugh!" Camicazi stormed into her hut.

"What's wrong? Did something bad happen during the mission?" Heather asked concerned.

"Nope. Everything went friggin perfect" Cami stated furiously, sitting on herher bed.

"If everything perfectly then why are you so ups- oh" she interrupted herself as the puzzle pieces began to fit together.

"Yup" the wild blonde seemed got out through gritted teeth "Now Hiccup has even more of a reason to like the little hunter"

"Hey, don't call her that. She's not like that anymore" Heather chided lightly before sitting next to her. She nudged her playfully, hoping to lift her spirits "Look on the bright side, at least you won't have to listen to Tuffnut go on about Macey"

"True" Cami laughed lightly before her smile turned sour "You wanna know the first thing he said when we got back?" she scoffed cynically "He said 'I'm gonna find Astrid and thank her for helping us', he was so excited"

The raven haired rider couldn't help but feel sympathy for her friend. Even though she didn't approve of the hostility towards Astrid, she did understand where it came from.

"I just don't get it" Camicazi shook her head "What's so amazing about that girl? Is it just because she saved him? I've saved him hundreds of times and he's not once looked at me the way he looks at the mere _thought_ of her"

Heather sighed "Human attraction is a complicated thing" she placed a comforting arm around her shoulder "It's hard to say why he likes her so much"

"He really wants me to give her a chance"

"And are you going to?"

"I don't know" she admitted "I want to do it for him. But it's... Hard"

"Maybe it wouldn't be as hard if you actually talked to her"

"Maybe. But in the back of my head I'll just be thinking 'you shouldn't be here' and 'I want you to leave'. Hiccup asked me if I'd actually be willing to give her a chance, and if I'm being honest I don't know if I am"

"Astrid's a good person, Cami. Her life has been... Tough"

Memories flashed through her mind as she remembered how Hiccup had reminded her of Astrid's physical treatment.

"She's trying to escape. All she wants is to live in peace, we should really just help her" Heather said softly.

"I think I just need a few days to wrap my head around it"

"I get that" she nodded "As long as you come around eventually"

"I think I will" Camicazi paused "I really hope I will, if for nothing else, for Hiccup's sake"

xxxx

"What do you think, girl?" Astrid asked as she sat beside her dragon that afternoon "Do you think we should stay?"

Starlight mewled softly in response and snuggled next to Astrid.

"I know, it's a really nice place. They've been so kind to us" she agreed sighing. A playful smile tugged at her lips "And I know that you've got a little crush on a certain dragon"

Her scaly companion huffed and turned away from her. Astrid laughed.

"Oh come on Star! I'm just teasing!"

She remained silent.

"Starlight, please girl?"

Still, no response.

"I'm pretty sure that he likes you too"

At that, Starlight turned her head, curiosity peaking.

Astrid smirked to herself "It's so obvious, have you seen the way he looks at you?"

It was true, one thing Astrid loved about the dragons was how expressive they were. Starlight and Toothless hadn't seen each other much so far, it had only been one day after all. But what they had seen of each other was more than to enough to show Toothless's feelings. He was completely smitten. Everytime he saw her he got this giddy smile. It was quite cute actually.

"Oh yeah, he's totally love sick"

Her scaly best friend warbled with glee.

"You really like him, don't you girl?" Astrid asked gently "And he seems to like you too"

The light fury noticed her rider getting lost in her thoughts and nudged her to bring her back to reality, an action Astrid responded half heartedly.

"Maybe you should stay" she suggested, mind a million miles away "I could leave"

Star clearly didn't like the idea, and she let it be known through a sound of protest and another nuzzle.

"I know, I'd miss you too Starlight" she hugged her dragon "But maybe it would be for the best"

Astrid sighed, leaning against her dragon.

"I don't want to take you away from Toothless. I know you want to get to know him. I want what's best for you girl" the blonde warrior said, resting her head against the dragon's scales.

Starlight crooned softly _'I want to stay with you'_

Astrid flashed a sad smile "I know you do Star" she sighed "I don't know, that's just one option"

Her scaly companion gave a small smile, at least, Astrid thought it was a smile.

"Maybe we could stay a couple more days''

"Now that sounds like a good idea to me"

Astrid turned around to be met with the lanky leader of the riders grinning and walking towards them.

"Hiccup! Hi!" She exclaimed happily, negative feelings beginning to disappear, his grin was infectious "How did the mission go?"

"Perfect, actually. We couldn't have done it without you. Thanks" Hiccup said gratefully.

Astrid smiled dismissively "Oh I played no part in it. You would have found those entrances eventually"

"But we found it a lot sooner because of you, you really helped us today"

"I'm glad everything went well. Is... What did you say her name was?... Macey? Is she okay?"

The lanky teen gave her a crooked grin, sending the butterflies in her stomach wild "Macey isn't a person"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, no, Macey isn't a person"

"What is she then?"

"Macey is... A mace" Hiccup explained, holding back laughter.

"A literal mace? Like, the weapon?"

Hiccup nodded, chuckling.

She blinked a few times "I did not see that coming, but I feel like I should have"

He only laughed more "Yeah, we're definitely an... Interesting group"

Astrid shared in his laughter "Definitely"

"So, you're thinking of staying then?"

Astrid bit her lip, hesitating. She didn't want to get his hopes up too much "I'm considering it"

"Well I think you should, not that it matters, but I really think you should"

"Oh really?" a playful smirked graced her face "And why is that?"

"Well for one thing Toothless seems to like your dragon a lot" he winked.

Said love-struck dragons were currently immersed in the other's presence. Toothless was very eager to be with Starlight, as he jumped up and down playfully. Starlight almost seemed slightly put off by the ball of energy in front of her, but nevertheless, she responded to his juvenile advances with a certain amount of playfulness herself. Astrid smiled as she watched the two. They really were quite the pair.

"I can assure you the feeling is mutual" the blonde girl smiled

"Well that's a relief, wouldn't want Toothless going through his first heartbreak already" Hiccup joked "You should see the way his eyes light up whenever I mention Starlight"

"Whenever I mention Toothless, she just gets all flustered and turns away from me. Or punches me in the arm" she smirked to herself "She's a lot like me"

"Getting flustered about crush?"

"Oh gods no, I meant the punching" she laughed.

"Huh, didn't take you as the punching type"

"Well you've only known me one day" she smiled smugly moving a little closer to him "I'm full of surprises"

"Oh yeah?" he mirrored her smirk, moving closer too "What kind of surprises?"

"Well that would ruin them"

"But did you not tell me about the punching?"

"That was a one off"

"Intriguing"

"Extremely"

With each word they moved a little closer, and then Astrid registered how close they were. Maybe it was exaggerated in her mind, but it felt just a little bit too close. She cleared her throat and created some space between them. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed and did the first thing she always did when she felt overwhelmed.

She punched him on the arm.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, though there was no anger, just a smile.

"Consider yourself lucky" she gave him a half-hearted "I don't punch just anyone"

"Really?" she swore she imagined it, but she thought she saw his eyes lit up "Who do you punch then?"

"You've gotta be real special"

"I'm honoured" he said with mock pride.

"As you should be"

The pair burst into another fit of laughter. Astrid couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much. In one day, she'd laughed more than she ever had in the past decade. Being with the riders was a new environment for her, she was beginning to actually feel comfortable. She liked it here, liked the people, that was dangerous. In her experience, wanting led to bruises. She didn't need any more bruises.

"So, will I get to discover more of your surprises?"

"_If _I stay" she emphasised "Which will only be for a few days, if I do"

"Only for a few days, right" he nodded "And maybe a few more"

"Hiccup"

"I know, I know, but I really think you'd like it here"

_'Not the first time I've heard that today' _

Apparently she must have thought aloud, because Hiccup responded.

"Well it's true"

"You don't really want me to stay, you want Starlight" she looked away casually "And she could stay and be perfectly fine without me"

"That's not true" he frowned.

"I mean, I know she'd miss me but she'd survive-"

"That's not what I meant" the auburn haired rider shook his head "I mean, yes, what you're saying is true, she would survive without you. But she wouldn't be _fine_. A bond between a rider and a dragon is special, she could survive without you, but she wants to _live _with you" he paused, then spoke again, hoping his blush wasn't too obvious "And.. I kinda really do want you to stay"

Once again, she blinked at him, trying to figure out if she had heard him correctly "Really?"

He nodded eagerly "I want you to stay" he said with more confidence "You're a good strategist, you proved that today. You could be really helpful to us in the future. Plus, it's always nice to make new friends"

"You w-want us to be friends?"

She was dreaming. This felt too unreal. There's no way he wanted her. Nobody wanted her.

He flashed another crooked grin, setting off the butterflies once more "I didn't search for you for three months for nothing"

And that brought her back to reality.

A scoff left her mouth before she could stop it "Like I'm gonna believe that you really wanted to be friends with one of Viggo's dragon hunters "

"I didn't want to become friends with one of Viggo's dragon hunters" Hiccup replied "I wanted to be friends with the dragon hunter of Viggo's that _didn't_ actually hunt dragons"

"Okay" she said, her tone becoming sharper, almost like a guard "But did you want to be real friends or just pretend so you could get information about Viggo?"

She didn't mind giving them information about Viggo, she wanted him to be defeated, but they didn't have to give her a false pretense of friendship to do make her do so.

He looked at her surprised, as if he couldn't believe she asked that question. Hastily, Astrid continued, not giving him a chance to reply.

"Just because we don't have to be friends to for that to happen" Astrid explained "I can help you, you don't owe me anything in return"

"That's not why I want to be your friend" Hiccup replied, shaking his head "I want to get to know you. You've worked for Viggo and Ryker you're entire life, but from the person you are now, you wouldn't be able to tell. Astrid you're intelligent, caring, kind, compassionate, anyone can see it. You save dragons from one of the smartest villains in the Archipelago, and you do it right under his nose. You're literally like my dream person"

That sentence got a rise in her as she looked down, blushing wildly. Clearly he caught onto his little word slip as he started stuttering like crazy, trying to fix it.

"I mean-- I didn't-- I mean what I meant was-"

"I get what you meant, it's okay" she smiled reassuringly "So friendship's on the table?"

"Most definitely" he held out a hand "Friends?"

"I'll warn you right now, I'm not good at the whole friends thing, I've only ever had one"

"Well for the majority of my life I only had one friend and then somehow managed to get this friendship group for a few years" Hiccup's smile grew a little "So I don't have much experience either"

"Still more than me though"

"Maybe" Hiccup shrugged "But I've still got a lot of learning to do. I was thinking we could learn together"

Astrid's eyes twinkled "I would like that"

He had his hand still held out "Friends?"

Hesitantly, she shook his hand, ignoring the spark of electricity that shot through her "Friends"

**_So I certainly did a lot of research on the light fury for that first scene, I hope it wasn't boring to anyone!_**

**_I'm really excited for the next chapter, it fleshes out Astrid's character and gives an insight to her life before. It should be really good (If I write it well obviously)_**

**_The Modern AU will be published soon! Definitely before the next chapter is published!_**

**_Quote for next chapter: "There were scars that she would always hide, and stories with them that she would never tell"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	7. A Scar and its Story

**_Warning: Graphic (ish) depictions of violence. Don't know if this warning was necessary but I'll put it to be safe. Skip the second scene if you need to. _**

To Astrid, every scar has a story.

She could look at her body and pinpoint every bruise and scar to a particular memory. There were various discolorations of her skin. Her black eye had come from looking after a Deadly Nadder's hatchlings. A yellowish-brown staining of flesh lay on her forearm from when she'd given a monstrous nightmare a little extra food. The red splodge on her shoulder had arrived after an angry shove from Ryker. Not all stories were fairy tales. Not all stories were good.

Her blemishes did not shame her. They just weren't exactly elements of herself that she wanted to advertise. Astrid had a deep-seated fear that, if anyone saw her scars, _all _they would see was her scars.

She did not want to be defined by her scars. They were not what made her the person that she already was. Her strength had been intensified with every beating, but it had not been result of them. She was strong long before the torture began. People would forget that if they saw her. Just like that, she would become a survivor, a victim. Both made her sound weak. That's why she hid her scars so vigorously.

Astrid hissed as the paint came into contact with the latest bruise. It was still fresh from her last beating, the day she had left.

Some were always worse than others, that one had been... Mild. And that's putting it lightly. After so many years of the same thing, she was used to the pain. Obviously it wasn't as painful as it had been before. Too many years of the same torture, over and over again, the pain had dulled over the years. It still hurt, but Astrid didn't feel scared when they happened. In a way, she just accepted it, as much as she would want to fight back, it would just make things worse.

She had always considered herself to be a warrior. Astrid fought fiercely for what she believed in, and the things she cared about. Accepting being beaten on a regular basis didn't sound very warrior like. But Astrid didn't have much of a choice. She got beat for protecting and helping the dragons. If they didn't take out their frustrations on her they would just hurt the dragons more, and she would never let that happen.

With each passing year, more and more scars littered her body. It was strange to her how she could look at something as simple as her arm, and find that her flesh was just a background colour to all the invading bruises. Black, blue, purple, grey. All of these colours seemed more common upon body than her regular skin colour.

Some scars were easier to hide than others. All of the worst bruises and scars remained hidden under her clothing. Blossoming on her sides, stretching across her ribs, laying on her stomach. Some were covered by her skirt and leggings. If Astrid looked at herself, stripped down to her bare self, she would see more scar than person.

The paint was helpful for more obvious areas, like her arms and face. The only problem with the paint was that it ran out far too quickly. Though that wasn't necessarily a fault of the paint, it was more that she had too many markings to cover up. The man who supplied her with the paint was an ex hunter. He too had seen the error in his ways and left as soon as possible. Having known of Viggo and Ryker's awful nature, he took pity on her, giving her the paints for free. Thank the gods for that, she could never afford them otherwise.

Grimacing, she carefully unwrapped her wrists, being mindful of the sensitive scars that layed beneath the fabric. She cringed when she saw them. It was the worst kind of punishment.

xxxx

_Flashback_

_She was only 10._

_She could've sworn she saw a_ _stray gronckle wondering around in the Northern Markets._ _From what she had already seen, gronckles were one of the easier kinds of dragon to capture. Her 10 year old brain couldn't stop spiralling about how proud Viggo and Ryker would be. So, newly gifted axe in hand, she went after it with a doomed sense of optimism._

_Tree after tree, she fought through the forest to keep up with the beast. It seemed out of it's element, she could use that to her advantage. How a gronckle ended up in the Northern Markets she would never know. All she knew was that in the moment it was there, ready for her to hunt. If she brought back a gronckle's head to Viggo and Ryker they'd be so happy with her._

_Maybe... Maybe they'd even tell her they loved her._

_Gods, what a thought.,_

_However, it was that very childish thought that had to distracted her to the point of clumsiness. The young warrior tripped on a rock, unintentionally alerting the creature to her presence. As it sped up, so did Astrid. Determination flooded her entire being. If she could just __get a little closer then her the angle would be perfect and-_

_Too late. It disappeared._

_The ghastly thing flew away, leaving a crushed young girl to stare. Astrid remained silent for a few seconds, processing what had just happened._

_"AGH!"_

_The yell of fury was accompanied with a violent hurling of her axe. It hit a tree with such force, it even shocked her slightly. She never realized the true extent of her strength. If only that a strength had been there a few seconds earlier..._

_"UGH!"_

_Astrid all but yanked the axe out of the bark before tossing it again. The activity seemed to be quite relaxing for her, relieving even. So she did it again. And again. And again._

_Half an hour passed without Astrid noticing. The trees surrounding her were permanently marked with her rage.__ It hadn't quite been everything she needed, but it had taken a load off of her shoulders. As much as she would have loved to go on for another hour or two, she knew her leaders would be looking for her.._

_Poor Astrid had barely made it 5 steps into the market before a hand grabbed her shoulder_

_"Aye lads! We found her!" Ryker's brutish voice rang out before it became much quieter "You have no idea how much trouble you're in"_

_He forcefully dragged her to Viggo, grip tightening with every step. She almost whimpered, but stopped herself. Whimpering was a sign of weakness, and she would never show that as long as she lived._

_When she was at the hands of Viggo the greeting was much worse than she ever could have imagined. He said nothing, he just stared. And the look in his eyes was absolutely unbearable._

_The way he was looking at her. Her leader was not relieved or happy to see her. Nor was he angry or upset to see her. He wasn't worried or concerned or scared for her. It wasn't even a glare. It was just a cold stare. Colder than any look she'd gotten from him before. It somehow bore the power to pierce her soul and look through her all at the same time._

_They got back to the base and Ryker angrily threw her into a cell. Unprepared for the amount of force used, the young girl stumbled and fell __into the corner. She looked up to see Viggo staring at her in the same way as before_

_"I'm disappointed in you Astrid" he said with a level voice "I thought we taught you better"_

_Hearing him say he was disappointed in her sent a dagger straight to her gut "P-please Viggo I-I'm sorry-- I saw this g-gronckle and I thought-"_

_"Thought what? That you would capture it?" he laughed mercilessly "Oh my __dear Astrid, you're too weak. You just can't do anything right can you?"_

_Something akin to sadness piled up within her "I nearly got it, really I-"_

_"Nearly means nothing" he interrupted sharply "If you 'nearly' escape the dragon that's about to kill you, the dragon still kills you"_

_"B-but-"_

_"No buts" he told her "And stop __stuttering, you're meant to be a warrior_

_And so she did. Pushing down her nerves, she spoke with more __clarity "I just wanted to help"_

_"You could helped by getting another hunter"_

_"I wanted to do it myself. I can help you Viggo. I have injured many dragons for you before"_

_"That you have. But you've never killed one. Why?" he imposed the question before answering it himself "You're too weak. You still have a soul, an unfortunate quality reality. You'd think after ten years it would be gone by now"_

_True, her soul was still there deep inside. Injuring dragons brought her copious amounts of pride and yet the idea of actually bringing one to the brink of death made her sick._

_And... She didn't always like injuring dragons. Yes, it did give her pride. But it was more the idea of the reward rather than the actual action made to receive it. Sometimes when she would look at a dragon and see it's pained face she'd feel** guilty**. Not that she'd ever admit that to anybody. But when she saw their faces, it would just gnaw at her stomach that she was the cause. Of course she'd just push those feelings aside and remind herself of the beasts they truly were._

_"Give me a chance to kill one and I'll prove myself"_

_"Surely that chance was today and you failed. You failed Astrid"_

_"I just need practice. Please Viggo, if you'd just let me out into the world with all of the other hunters I could-"_

_"You? Out in the world?" he barked out laughter "Oh you do make me laugh Astrid. Why would you want to be out there? Is the base not enough? Keep in the mind that without the base you'd be homeless"_

_"I know and I love the base but-"_

_"But what?" he growled "You want to know what will happen to you in the real world? Come here"_

_With a great deal of hesitance, she walked over. He harshly grabbed her wrist and in one swift movement, pressed his blade against it. This time Astrid was helpless to the whimper that escaped her lips. The pressure was light, not hard to enough to scar but certainly enough to bleed. Soon he released her arm and she stared at the faint red line sloping across her wrist._

_"That is what will happen in the real world. People will hurt you" he told her before taking a piece of cloth and wrapping her injury "We help you. We heal you. Will you remember that?"_

_His smile should have been comforting but it just felt so wrong._

_"Y-yes sir"_

_"Again"_

_"Yes sir"_

xxxx

And that had been the beginning of a long line of wrist tearing. To be fair, those events had been rare and spread fairly apart. But each memory of them became clearer than the last.

The second time it happned after that was when she first got caught freeing the dragons. Then it happened again when she released a prized thunderdrum into the wild before an auction, Viggo and Ryker had lost a chest of gold over it. The third time was when she'd let Hiccup and Toothless go, gods that one had been bad. And then finally again when she'd accidentally revealed that Hiccup was looking for, and nearly finding, her.

There were two things that she'd noticed over years. The first was that each one became increasingly violent. What had started as light presses had evolved into violent slashings. No mercy. No care. Her original goal had been to be the hunter that Viggo and Ryker prayed for, now she was the complete opposite of that. She was the epitome of everything they hated, and she was paying for it.

The second thing was that, actually, Viggo and Ryker had not helped her. As each attack became more aggressive, she received less help. It eventually regressed to the point where she was wrapping up her own wrists, her and nobody else. She still remembered how it had hit her. The realization that these people who claimed to heal her, never helped her. She was the one helping herself. And she needed to _get out_.

And so she'd escaped. Truthfully, she hadn't known where she would end up, but she never would have thought it would be with a bunch of dragon riders. All she'd wanted was to see Heather, clearly she got more than she bargained for.

Now she was free. It was a foreign concept to her. As much as she'd dreamed about this moment, she'd never thought about what she'd do when it actually happened. From now on, it was up to her. Where she went, what she did and who she did it with. Her loyalties no longer lay with Viggo and Ryker.

Did that mean they could lay with the dragon riders?

These people were a constant thorn in Viggo's side. Ryker had constantly complained abouttheir ability to escape his traps. They hated these people. These riders, in truth, probably had been the cause of a few of her scars. Inadvertently, of course. Every time they defeated the hunters Viggo and Ryker got angrier. The angrier they got, the more scars were written on her body.

Her stories were painful. They didn't come with happy endings. The stories of Astrid's body held horrors that she would never speak of. Heather didn't even know the full extent to her life with the hunters. She knew about the beatings, but not about how bad they got. She had protected Heather a number of times, taking beatings for her when Heather had been suspected of helping dragons or being a traitor. She had never minded, and Heather would always apologize but Astrid didn't need it. She was protecting her friend, that was enough.

Memories haunted her in the depths of the night. Left alone, she was a prisoner to her own thoughts and feelings. She could not stop them, escape them, or control them. Astrid could only accept them and let them alter her way of thinking. In those moments, Astrid felt weak. She felt helpless. In those moments, Viggo would win. And Astrid hated herself for ever letting that happen.

Hurtful words flooded her memories. Yet still, she pushed them away. There were scars that she would always hide, and stories with them that she would never tell.

_'Weak'_

_'Useless'_

_'Nothing'_

_'What good are you?'_

_'Your parents didn't want you'_

_'Nobody wants you'_

Grimacing, she wrapped her wrists.

Some stories were better left unsaid.

**_Sorry to anyone who found this boring!_**

**_I know this was sort of a filler chapter but I really wanted a chapter solely focusing on her and her old life. I wanted to show how they had affected her. Next chapter gets a bit more interesting!_**

**_Oh and before I forget, make sure to look at my new Modern AU called "Accepting The Past"! I hope everyone likes it!_**

**_Also, final apology, sorry if the cutting scenario was triggering or upsetting for anybody! I didn't know if I would include it but in the end it just felt right_**

**_And a question. I recently wrote my first one shot. It's kind of a blindsised au where Hiccup actually goes through with kissing Astrid in the forest without being interrupted. It explores Astrid's feelings about being blind and looks into her feelings towards Hiccup. Would you guys be interested in reading that? Should I publish it?_**

**_Quote from next chapter: "I really like her, a lot. But I don't why, and I have no idea what to do about it"_**

**_Shohini : )_**


	8. The Northern Markets

It had been a couple of weeks. Turns out Hiccup could be really persuasive when he wanted to be. He'd managed to convince Astrid to stay, not indefinitely, but a little while longer. And Camicazi had been trying. She wanted to give Astrid a chance, really, she did.

But it didn't help when she walked into the clubhouse and everyone surrounded her as if she were a frickin valkyrie.

"What's going on?" she asked, joining the circle.

"Astrid's showing us some battle moves!"

"So we're getting battle moves from a _hunter_?" she asked sceptically "How do we know these moves will help us? What if it's a set up for them to-"

"Cami" Hiccup said quietly with a warning tone.

She did want to give Astrid a chance. Or, at the very least, she wanted to try. But it was hard. At every corner, her mind screamed at her not to trust this girl. She was a hunter. She _is _a hunter. No matter what this stranger said, she was still with those hunters her entire life. That history didn't just go away. The riders would ultimately get hurt because of this Astrid chick, they were just too blind to see it.

Why were they being so blind? Snotlout wasn't all that surprising, he just followed whichever girl was closest to him like some sort of twisted puppy. Fishlegs liked that she knew so much about dragons, but being a hunter, of course she would. The twins were... Well, the twins. Even Heather she could understand, from what she'd gathered Astrid had acted as some sort of protector and friend, though Camicazi still had a few suspicions over that. And Hiccup...

Well Hiccup was the worst of the lot. She really couldn't figure out what was so special about her. She knew that Astrid had saved him, so what? If she had one rune for all the times she had saved him she would be the richest viking on Berk. And yet, he had never become enamoured with her in the way she so deeply wished he would.

Camicazi had a sneaking suspicion that it was because of the girl's dragon. Toothless obviously liked the light fury, and in turn, Hiccup liked the rider. She wanted to think that Hiccup was only trying so hard to welcome the girl for Toothless, so that he could get closer to Starlight.

Yet, somehow, she knew that wasn't true.

The thing was, he liked Astrid before he even knew about her light fury. At first, he only liked the idea of her but now it seemed as though he liked her even more because of the person she was. It infuriated Camicazi to no end. She had tried for _years _to get Hiccup to fall for her, but he seemed to be falling for this villain in disguise in days. All her hard work for nothing.

Someone had to protect him. Protect the rest of the riders, and she would gladly be that person.

"It's okay" Astrid reassured "Look, I could say this 1000 times and you still may never believe me; But truly, that life is behind me. I am not a hunter, and I never will be again"

Why did this girl sound so honest? Even she almost believed it for a second!

"Still" Cami persisted "Aren't hunters' moves specifically meant to hurt dragons?"

"Not necessarily" Astrid explained "These are hypnosis moves, they're effective but they don't hurt anyone. Works on humans and dragons"

"There's no way it works on humans" Fishlegs said sceptically.

"Seriously Fishface? Or should I say Thor Bonecrusher?" Snotlout countered.

"I'm sorry, who whatcrusher?" Astrid asked confused.

"It's a LONG story" Hiccup held up a hand "But long story short, he was hypnotized and Thor Bonecrusher was his alter ego"

"Do I wanna-"

"Nope" Hiccup answered for her, remembering his father's anger after the situation was resolved. _Boy that was a lot of yelling_.

Astrid smiled slightly "Got it"

"Okay fine, it worked, but Gothi had her staff"

"You don't need a staff, I mean it helps, but it isn't essential. If you do it right, anyone can be hypnotized"

"Anyone?"

"Okay, I'll admit it works better on certain people"

"Like?" Camicazi questioned further

"Generally it's better on those who are weak-minded"

"Why don't you show us?"

"Um, I can, but I'll need someone to demonstrate on"

"Oooooh me! Me me me me me!" The male twin raised his hand eagerly.

Snotlout's eyes shined with amusement "Please hypnotize him"

"Alright fine" She gestured for Tuffnut to come over.

He rushed over "I can't wait!"

"Just follow my finger, okay Tuff?"

"Yup!"

She moved her finger slowly, it didn't take long for his eyes to trail along. Once she was sure he was in a trance, she snapped her fingers and he collapsed to the ground. The other riders watch, half in glee and half in slight surprise. They had never thought it possible to hypnotize without a staff or at least some piece of equipment.

"So... What are we gonna do to him?" Ruffnut asked, evil glint in her eyes.

"Oooh I have some ideas!" Snotlout joined in the mischief "We could do-"

"Absolutely nothing" Astrid replied.

Snotlout gave her a blank stare "What's the fun in that?"

"I thought this was a hypnosis trick" Cami piped in.

"I suppose it's only a hypnosis trick if you actually use the hypnosis part" Astrid admitted "I tend to just clap to wake 'em up after I've helped the dragons"

"So we can't make him act like Chicken?" Ruffnut asked, despondent.

"I mean, you saw me do it" she shrugged "I'm sure you'll figure out how to do it yourself. And besides" she paused to wink "Just because he isn't hypnotized, doesn't mean he can't _think _he is"

The grin returned on both of their faces "I like her"

"Okay, not bad" Camicazi admitted "What else ya got?"

"Well..." she thought about for a moment "I do have this one thing that's pretty good if you find the chance to use it"

"Let's see it then"

"I'll need another volunteer"

"I got you babe" Snotlout sauntered over "Everyone knows I'm the strongest out of everyone here. Obviously-"

In one simple move he was on the floor, out cold. He lay as still as one could be, he had never been so quiet. Now the riders couldn't help but watch in amazement. They had been trying to get Snotlout to be quiet for _years_. This girl truly was the best kind of mystery, or at least, that's what Hiccup thought.

"Okay I'll admit it, that's pretty impressive" Camicazi smirked "You'll have to teach me that"

Hiccup beamed at Cami, overjoyed that she wasn't being so hostile anymore. They stared at their two friends currently laying statue still. Well, mostly, Tuffnut began to stir slightly.

"So... What now?"

"Well Tuffnut will wake up when I clap my hands and it should take about half an hour for Snotlout to wake up"

Astrid clapped and Tuffnut sprung up in the blink of an eye.

"What cool thing did you do to me?!"

Astrid turned to the other riders and smirked "Why don't I let Ruff tell you?"

"You will now act like Chicken whenever you see him!"

"Seriously?!" Tuff exclaimed "Awesome!"

"Oh I could have some fun with this" Ruffnut grinned to herself.

"Huh?"

"Nothing!"

"How does this stuff work on dragons?"

"Well all dragons have a sweet spot, it doesn't knock 'em out, but it does make them kind of drowsy"

Hiccup nodded "She's right, I found the spot on Toothless maybe a week or two after I met him, didn't know humans had them"

"It's a little more complicated with humans" Astrid said "On a human, it has to be just the right amount of pressure, too little or too much and you could do more than just make them pass out. It's a pretty delicate process"

"Heather did you know any of this stuff?" the wilder blonde asked.

"Kind of" she shrugged "I mean, I knew the moves, but I never learnt them properly" she then turned to Astrid "Hey Ast, show them the hand thing"

"Hand thing?"

"It's just the way that first trick works on dragons. I can show you with..." she looked over her shoulder to find her loyal dragon eating her breakfast on the other side of the room "Oh for Thor's sake"

"She can't stop eating for a few minutes to help you?"

"That would just make her grumpy. Trust me, you do _not _want to deal with her when she's grouchy"

"Fair enough" Hiccup thought over Toothless' love for fish.

Astrid looked at him, something akin to hope in her eyes "Hey Hiccup, would you mind if I maybe used to Toothless to...?"

Hiccup looked to said dragon for his clarification, and when he didn't seem to mind, nodded with a small smile.

"You're seriously going to let _her_-" Cami began to whisper, but stopped after seeing Hiccup's glare. She really needed to stop this.

Astrid began moving her hand slowly, similar to how she'd done with Tuffnut. Toothless quickly followed her lead, gummy grin showing. Then, with an intricate twist of her hand, Toothless was on his back. To say Hiccup was surprised would be an understatement.

"How did you do that?"

"Honestly, I don't know how or why it works" Astrid said casually kneeling down "They showed the move to me a long time ago, don't think they ever explained it though"

Astrid began playing with Toothless as Hiccup spoke "Could you show me how to do that?"

"I don't see why not" she scratched Toothless' belly "You like that? Yeah? Good boy!"

He purred with satisfaction. At some point in all of this Starlight had stalked across the room. She nudged Astrid with slight jealousy. Astrid simply smiled.

"You want some attention too girl? Alright, C'mere" she grinned.

Hiccup watched as Astrid played with the two furies and couldn't stop the smile radiating across his face. His feelings were so obvious, but luckily Astrid was too occupied with the two dragons constantly pawing for her affections. Her laugh was harmonious to him. Heather watched with glee whilst Camicazi held back a scream of rage.

Giving this girl a chance was a lot more challenging than she thought.

xxxx

"Woo hoo! Come on Star, a little faster!"

Hiccup looked with admiration at Astrid. She camouflaged into the sky with such ease and grace, it was almost something to envy. All the time she had been with the riders he'd never seen her so care free. She looked beautiful, but he would never say that out loud.

He barely knew her. It had only been two weeks and yet he still felt like he'd known her his entire life. They had had conversations every single day that she'd been here, and each was better than the last.There was something that unexplainably pulled him towards her. The more he found out about her, the more he wanted to know. It baffled him how someone under the care of Viggo and Ryker could grow up to be so gentle and kind. Astrid

It was magnetic in some ways. Truthfully, she was dichotomy of the person he was supposed to fall for. As heir of Berk, who he courted actually mattered. Idealy it would be outside of the tribe, someone with position and power and influence. As an ex hunter, Astrid didn't exactly fit that description, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He didn't know if he was falling for her, per say, but there something there. And he couldn't just ignore it.

Still, on a fundamental level, many things also brought them together. Like him, she also had a fierce passion for protecting dragons. She had also grown up craving approval from someone. They had both felt somewhat outcast in their environments. Hel, she had even met her Light Fury around the same time he had met Toothless.

"You're really in deep, huh?" Heather asked, coming beside her.

He looked at Heather and sighed "I don't get it. She's just a person, we haven't spent that much time together, but I can't get her off my mind"

"Sometimes this stuff happens without reason Hiccup, it's not a bad thing"

"No, I know that" he admitted "I just don't know why it's happening, I mean, I can't stop thinking about an ex hunter..."

She shot him a slight disapproving look "I didn't take you as the type to care about that stuff"

That comment froze him "That's the thing, I don't actually care. And I kind of feel like I should, but I don't. The fact that she came from the hunters doesn't bother me"

"Now that doesn't surprise me" Heather said with a knowing smile "Hiccup, you've never cared about a person's past, only about the person they've become today. I mean, you did it with me. Astrid isn't any different"

He considered her words "I suppose you're right. Her past doesn't even matter to me. I just want to be around her"

From the corner of his eye, he saw Heather smirk "I don't think I've ever seen you like this"

"That's because I've never been like this before" he paused, still staring at Astrid "I really like her, a lot. But I don't why, and I have no idea what to do about it"

"Well for one thing you could try get closer to her"

"I wish. How do you propose I do that?"

"We were all planning to go to the Northern Markets this afternoon, right?" he nodded and Heather continued "Spend time with her, talk to her and get to know her even more"

His face lit up at the very suggestion "Good idea! Thanks Heather!"

She winked devilishly "Don't thank me just yet Hiccup"

"Wait what? What does that mean? Wha-- Heather!"

But she was already gone. That girl was up to something.

Toothless nudged his hand and looked to Starlight and back at him with pleading eyes.

"Not right now Bud. This is Astrid's and Starlight's time together, let's let them enjoy it"

The Night Fury crooned with disappointment so Hiccuo cracked a smile, attempting to cheer him up "Soon, okay?"

He seemed content with that answer. It was at that moment that the previously mentioned pair swooped past them. Astrid waved at them with glee, and Hiccup didn't even hesitate to wave back. He felt the blood rush to his cheeks. He wanted to walk away, but found himself unable to break away from her gaze.

He truly was in deep.

xxxx

"So where are you going again?" Astrid asked.

"The Northern Markets" Hiccup replied "It's been a while and we're running a little low on supplies and stuff. You're welcome to join us"

_'Please join us'_ he thought eagerly

Astrid was about to reject the kind offer, not wanting to intrude more than she felt she already had, but then her arm decided to act as a reminder. There were still bruises that were taking longer to heal than she expected. Her paint supplies were almost finished and she was struggling to cover her secret shames. Not only that, but without the paint, the pain only intensified. Her agony was practically screaming at her.

"It might be a good idea" she admitted "But I don't know how I'd get there"

"Well you'd fly with us, obviously"

"I know that but I can't go on Starlight"

Hiccup raised an eyebrow "You can't?"

"I can't" she confirmed "What if a hunter is there and sees us? I can hide myself, Starlight not so much"

"But what if they see you with us and tell Viggo you're a dragon rider?" Fishlegs piped up.

"Like I said, I can hide myself" Astrid replied with ease "Besides, I'll be able to spot where the hunters are pretty easily"

"Takes one to know one" Camicazi sneered without thinking. All eyes landed on her and she realized her blunder, cringing "Oops"

Astrid was unfazed by the curt comment "Actually you're right. I know what the hunters are like, how they act, what they think, where they think it's best to stand so that they can "get the best angle" which actually means where the sun doesn't get in their eyes"

Hiccup couldn't help but feel bad. Astrid was used to Camicazi's snide remarks when she shouldn't have to be. In bits and pieces she had revealed things about her past life to him, and he knew how the hunters had undermined her. It seemed that insults were just a part of Astrid's daily routine. He could empathize to a certain extent, he had been in a somewhat similar situation before he met Toothless. The only difference was that he, at least, had one or two friends behind him. From the sounds of it, Astrid had had no-one until Heather, and even that was brief. He wanted things to be different for her here.

"That could actually help us. If you know how to spot hunters, you also know how to avoid them"

Astrid nodded "If you guys are all okay with it, then I'd love to come along. I'm still a little worried about Starlight though"

"Don't be too worried, Astrid" Fishlegs reassured her "We have a lot of rescue dragons that we haven't relocated yet to keep Starlight company. Plus, our flock of Night Terrors know the protocol in case something goes wrong and we're not here"

"I guess that makes me feel a little better" she confessed before turning to Heather "Heather, can I ride with you and Windshear?"

The raven haired rider hid her smirk "Sorry Ast, Windshear's got a bit of a back injury, she can't handle too much pressure"

"Who do I ride with then?"

"Oh, I have an idea, why don't you ride with Hiccup?"

_'So that's what she was planning'_

Hiccup knew he should have been irritated at Heather's blatant attempts to push he and Astrid together, not be couldn't. Not when he was secretly _so _thankful for it.

Astrid considered the options. Camicazi, who really didn't like her all that much, no matter how she tried to deny or hide it. Snotlout and the twins, which really spoke for itself. There was always Fishlegs, he was nice, but she didn't know him that well yet. Hiccup was the best option.

She turned to him "Would that be okay?"

"Yes!" he responded a little too eagerly, so he cleared his throat "I mean, yeah sure, that's fine"

"Okay, great" She smiled, choosing to ignore his strange behaviour. She leaned down to Toothless "It's okay with you too, right?''

He responded by enthusiastically licking her face, sending her into a fit of giggles "I will take that as a yes"

"I think he likes you more than me" Hiccup chuckled.

"Geez, I wonder why" she quipped back sarcastically, small smile growing "Maybe I'm just that cool''

"Or maybe you ride a dragon that he is head over heels in love with?" he quipped back.

"Or maybe it's that" she conceded, laughing slightly "But, I mean, I'm not that bad"

_'I beg to differ' _Camicazi thought bitterly.

"You are pretty awesome" Hiccup said in an almost dreamy tone, luckily she didn't catch on, though everyone else did.

"Thanks. You're alright I guess"

"Ah come on, you get awesome and I get alright?" he pouted

"I guess you'll have to change my mind"

"Because I haven't already been doing that the past two weeks?"

"Fair point. I can bump you up to pretty cool"

"I am honoured to be considered 'pretty cool' by you milady" he bowed jokingly "But I will get you to call me awesome eventually"

"Oh you will, will you? And how will you do that?"

"I have my ways"

"I'm curious"

"As you should be"

The two burst into glorious laughter, completely fading off into their own little world. For a moment, it was as if the other riders weren't even there. Then, of course, the peace was broken by none other than Snotlout.

"Can we get going? I'm sick of these two flirting" Snotlout said tiredly, gesturing to Hiccup and Astrid.

"We are not flirting!" the pair exclaimed simultaneously. They looked at each other, then looked away blushing deeply.

Camicazi watched the scene unfold with a scowl on her face.

"So what will you do if word gets round that you're one of the dragon riders?" Camicazi asked, swiftly changing the topic

"It won't, because without Starlight there's no way you even prove I ride a dragon" she shrugged "Besides, I'm not technically one of the dragon riders"

"Yet" Hiccup added

"Hiccup" Astrid warned.

"Astrid" he mocked lightly

"Let's just go, yeah?" Astrid asked, mounting Toothless and shaking her head jokingly.

"Yeah" Hiccup confirmed, getting on in front of her "Let's go gang''

As they soared through the skies, Hiccup couldn't shake how thrilling it was when Astrid held onto him. Realistically, he knew she had to, she would fall off of Toothless if she didn't. But when they came into contact, there was still some sort of click. Some kind of joy that sparked within him. He couldn't explain, and somehow that made it even more enchanting.

When they arrived at the markets, Hiccup immediately mourned the loss of contact.

"So Astrid, you wanna walk around, see what there is to buy? You can help us avoid the hunters" Hiccup asked casually as he could, hiding his nervousness.

She grimaced apologetically "I wish I could, but there's something I actually need to buy"

"Oh... Well I could always come along if-''

"No!" Now it was Astrid who had to clear her throat "Sorry, it's just something I should buy in private. Maybe I could come and find you after I've bought it?"

Hiccup nodded, ever so slightly disappointed "Sure, that works too"

"Thanks Hiccup. I won't be long, see you in bit!" she said gratefully walking off.

Camicazi wasted no time in coming to Hiccup's side "I bet you she's not actually buying anything"

The lanky young teen groaned with frustration "This again Cami? I thought you were going to give Astrid a chance"

"I want to. But come on Hiccup, the way she was acting a little suspicious"

"She just wanted to buy something by herself!" Hiccup defended "She's not doing anything wrong"

"What if she's not buying anything? She wasn't even carrying any runes!"

"That we could see" he shot back instantly "For all we know she has a secret pocket"

"What if she's meeting a hunter? She said she knows how to spot them!"

"And she said that she knows how to avoid them. Why would she want to see the people who have continuously hurt her for the past 18 years?"

"It could be a-"

"It's not a set up"

"It might be"

"But it's not"

"But it might"

"But it's not"

"But-"

"It's not"

"Let's follow her and find out!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

The wild blonde crossed her arms "You heard me! Let's follow her and see if she's actually buying something or if she's meeting a hunter"

"And if she's actually just buying something?"

"I'll drop it"

He looked at her sceptically.

"Really, I will!"

Hiccup looked at her reluctantly "Fine! But only because I know Astrid isn't going to br meeting with any hunters!"

Cami smirked, this was her chance to prove she was right about the little hunter "Let's go!"

**_*sigh* Oh Hiccup, what have you done?_**

**_Cami will have a pretty interesting journey in this book, I'm excited for you guys to find out how through the course of the book._**

**_I am so sorry that I haven't updated in so long! I'm kind of in the middle of life changing, future altering exams (the pressure totally isn't soul crippling haha). But anyways, that's why I haven't been updating much. The good thing is that I'm on my half-term right now so I'm gonna try to do at least one more chapter this week. My last exam is on June 14th so the updates should be more frequent after that._**

**_But seriously, thank you guys so much! The feedback to this book is so much better than I could have ever imagined! I love reading your reviews, they always bring a smile to my face!_**

**_Now, on another note, I'm also publishing my one shot tonight. In case you don't remember, it's a Blindsided AU where Hiccup goes through with kissing Astrid and how it affects things. It would mean a lot to me if you guys read it._**

**_Quote from next chapter: "Maybe this is my own fault"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	9. A Pair of Spies

Astrid wandered around the markets hoping to find her supplier quickly. Her bruises and scars were really aching and the sooner she had the paint, the better. Eventually she found him, standing in the corner greeting everyone who passed cheerfully.

"Solveig!"

Upon seeing her, his face lit up even more "Astrid! How are you meh dear?"

"I'm good actually. And yourself?"

"Couldn't be better!" He chuckled "It's certainly been a while!"

"Yes well, I suppose I've been a little busy recently" she admitted smiling gently "I finally left Viggo and Ryker"

His smile only widened "Good for you! I was wondering when you'd stand up to them"

Astrid giggled nervously "I didn't exactly stand up to them"

"What did you do then?"

"I might have run away" she admitted.

"Thank the gods" He looked to the sky then back at her "I was beginning to worry about you. I wasn't sure you would ever leave"

"I guess there's only so much one can take. Eventually I just realized, enough is enough. I couldn't allow myself to be treated like that anymore"

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that" he smiled gently "How have you been getting by the last couple of weeks?"

"I ran into a group of people who took me in" She was careful not to mention that they were riders, just to be safe.

"And they're treating yer well?"

"Very well" she nodded "They've been nothing but kind since I got there''

_'Well, mostly'_

"That's good to hear" he said kindly, over the years he had become very fond of Astrid, having helped her for so long "So what can I do for ye lass? More paint?"

"Yes please'' she said "I'm really sorry, I hoped I'd be able to find some runes to pay you this time but-"

"Ah don't you worry about that" he dismissed "I'm always happy to help"

"Thank you" Astrid said gratefully.

"It's no problem lass"

Solveig was so kind to her, it was hard to believe that he used to be a hunter. She still had memories of his ruthless behaviour, how he had bragged about his merciless tactics with the dragons. At the time, she had admired him. She remembered how confused she was when he announced that he was leaving. He lived a life of such glory, she couldn't wrap her head around why he would want to give that up.

Gradually, it began to make sense to her. She remembered when she found him in the Northern Markets after a particularly rough beating. He explained the reason he left, his wife was pregnant with their first child. He said that the world of hunting was dangerous and that he wanted to be in his child's life for as long as he possibly could. He spoke of legacies and how he wasn't proud of the one he was leaving. Over the years everything he said pieced together in her mind. In some odd, and slightly disconnected way, she understood his words. The only thing was that she thought his legacy was a perfectly fine one to leave behind. Still, despite her confusion, she respected his decision and gladly accepted his help when it was offered.

It was only after she met Starlight that the words truly settled with her. Killing dragons was not something to be proud of, it was simply _wrong_. Admiration soon returned for him, but in a different, much better way. Now she could admire his strength in realizing his mistake, and having the will to walk away. For years she worked to do the same thing and now she finally had, it was exhilarating.

"And you? How's your family?"

His eyes sparkled with passion "Couldn't be better! My wife, she just gave birth to our son not too long ago"

"Solveig, that's great! Congratulations! That's your third child now?"

"Yeah! He's great, he looks so much like her" his adoration was clear in his voice, his eyes, it was nearly something to envy "I'm just glad she's okay, that they're both okay"

Astrid's features softened "Without being too intrusive, was the pregnancy difficult?"

"Aye lass, you could never be too intrusive, not afte' all the years" he reassured her "It wasn't the easiest of pregnancies. The birth did a number on her but, thank the gods, she's okay"

"Doesn't surprise me. Eira's a very strong woman''

She had met Eira a fair few times, as she often accompanied Solveig to the Markets. She was a kind woman with a very nurturing presence. Astrid could see how her strength shone through, even from the first meeting. She could understand why Solveig left for her. As she grew up, Astrid had never experienced any sort of love and therefore understood love by any kind of form, but if she had to guess what romantic love looked like, she'd have to say them. There was something different in the way they looked at each other, it was as if they were the only two people in the world. Astrid had always wondered if she would ever find that, if she even wanted it. Love seemed like such an out of reach concept for her, she would often push it to the back of her mind. Still, there was always that fraction of her mind screaming_ 'what if?'_

"Truer words have never been spoken" he praised "You remind me of her in some ways"

Astrid smiled and shook her head, denying the claim.

"No, really" the elder man persisted "I see a lot of that strength in you too"

Astrid's smile softened further, if that was possible "I'm honoured that you can make such a comparison"

"It's only the highest praise I can give" he chuckled gently

"I have a lot to live up to" the blonde said "Could I get the paints now?"

he sighed and gave her the paints "I suppose you won't need much of this anymore"

"I probably won't need as much as before" she admitted "But don't worry Solveig, I'm still coming back"

He smiled with relief "Thank Thor, it would get lonely without your visits"

"Can't get rid of me that easily" she joked

"Wouldn't want to" he chuckled "Yer happy, right Astrid?"

She nodded, grinning "I really am"

They shared a peaceful moment before she spoke again "Well I really should get going now, the others are waiting for me"

"Take care of yerself Astrid"

"This sounds suspiciously like a goodbye Solveig" she beamed "I'm coming back soon"

"Aye, I know" his features feigned care "Doesn't hurt to say though"

"Fair enough" she blonde conceded "Take care of yourself too, Solveig"

She was about to walk away until she heard his voice call out behind her "Astrid!"

She turned around "What is it?"

"You know that if you ever need it, we have a room for you"

She nodded humbly "I know and I appreciate it, but I couldn't do that, not when you have a new baby in the house" she bit her lip "And besides, I actually really like the people I'm with now"

They shared a look of understanding before she walked away to find the riders. When she left Viggo and Ryker, she forgot about Solveig, Heather was the only person that came to mind. She knew too well that Solveig would offer his hospitality when he found out of her situation, but she didn't want it. She didn't know if she considered him as a father figure. True, he was kind and caring, but in her head that wasn't really what a father was meant to be. She'd only had Viggo and Ryker to base her model of families on. To her, fathers were meant to push you, and never let you feel satisfied with yourself. Solveig was someone she cared about, but he wasn't like her father. She didn't want him to be, he was too nice.

It was funny to her how true her words were. She wasn't used to feeling happy. With the hunters, the emotion had been restricted from her too many times. It was hard to feel joy when you know that the people around you would just squash it down once they realized. These past two weeks had hands down been the best of her life. She was beginning to trust the riders, her shields were beginning to come down. That had never happened before. She always thought that if her walls came down, she'd feel scared. But she didn't. It sort of felt natural. Astrid didn't know if she was going to stay forever, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't considering it

Astrid was pulled out of her thoughts by too familiar voices and, once again, her happiness was squashed.

But this time it was so much worse.

xxxx

Hiccup and Camicazi had been watching the entire encounter from some bushes. They watched as the man passed her a little pot.

"Ha! She just bought something"

"From someone who looks like a hunter" Camicazi pointed out.

"That conversation didn't exactly look secretive to me"

"None of the riders are around!"

He raised an eyebrow.

"That she knows of" she amended "The point is, why would the conversation need to be secretive?"

"You never know who's listening!"

"Clearly" she scoffed "They were talking for a while though"

"It looked pretty friendly to me"

"Of course it did" she shook her head "Get your heads out of the clouds Hiccup, I know you want her to be innocent-"

"And you just want her to be guilty" he cut her off sharply.

"But that may not be case" she continued regardless "There is a chance that she isn't as detached from the hunters as she says she is"

"She bought something, she wasn't lying to us"

"Bought without paying" Camicazi pointed out "For all we know it was an exchange, our secrets for whatever is in that pot"

"Well there's no way of figuring that out because neither of us heard the conversation properly"

"So what now then?"

"So now we give her the benefit of the doubt and you drop this theory that Astrid's a traitor"

"What?" Camicazi asked incredulously "Why?"

"Because you said she was meeting with a hunter, which she wasn't and you said that if that happened you would drop it"

"But he looks like a hunter!"

"Cami look at him" Hiccup gestured to the elderly seller, cheerfully trying to sell a toy to a little girl and her mother "Does he really look like a hunter?"

Her shoulders slumped "... No but-"

"No buts" he told her "Come on Camicazi, please"

She looked away angrily "Fine" she seethed "I'll drop it"

"Good. Now let's go before-"

"Hiccup? Camicazi?"

Dear Gods.

They were so _busted_.

"A-Astrid! Hey! Hi!" He stuttered nervously.

She crossed her arms and raised and eyebrow "What are you guys doing?"

"N-nothing! We were just-"

"Spying on me?"

He couldn't bring himself to lie to her, but he didn't want to admit to it either "Well..."

That one word was answer enough for her.

"Why would you do that?"

Hiccup desperately racked his brain trying to come up with some sort of reason for his behaviour, but came up blank. There was no way to frame the way he was acting in a positive light and he really didn't want Astrid to be angry with him.

Her focus shifted to the female rider "Camicazi?"

"Who says we were spying on you?" she attempted to cover "We were just looking around, it's a free land"

Astrid looked at them deadpan "Right. That's why you were hiding behind a bunch of bushes, because you were looking around"

"I dropped something?"

"You don't sound too sure of yourself. What did you drop?"

"My uh..."

"We spied on you because there was a little suspicion that you might be meeting with a hunter" Hiccup finally confessed, meeting her eyes.

He expected to find anger in her eyes, but instead all he found was hurt. Raw, pure, hurt. It made him feel worse.

"You... You thought I was meeting with a hunter?" her voice had never sounded so meek "That's how little you think of me?"

Hiccup began to fumble about, attempting to tell her that that wasn't true at all, but because he was flustered his words weren't working.

"I guess I deserve that" she murmured "I mean, it's only been two weeks, it hasn't been that long. And apparently no matter how many times I try to tell you guys I'm not, I'm still just an ex hunter to you, aren't I?"

He shook his head vigorously "No! Of course not''

"Is that why you invited me to the Northern Markets today? To see if I'd go behind your backs?"

"Astrid-"

"What was this, some kind of initiation? A challenge to determine whether or not I'm a good person? You weren't sure if I'd betray you so you let me feel welcomed and feel like I've maybe found a place to stay, and then you just put me in a place filled with my past to see if I crack or something. You don't believe in me"

"That isn't what-"

"Well I passed your test, good for me" she stated flatly, clapping sarcastically

He noticed a sort of realization pass across her face and he knew that he needed to stop whatever she was thinking right now "Astrid-"

"So none of this was real, right? All that stuff in the stables about being real friends and wanting me to stay, you didn't mean that"

"Of course I meant it! I want to be your friend and I want you to stay, I meant every word"

"At least you know I'm worthy of staying, thanks to this little stunt" she spat out bitterly "You know what Hiccup? We're not friends, I'm not sure we ever were"

Hurt washed across Hiccup's face and overtook his features "What are you talking about? Of course we're friends"

"Are we? Because I'm pretty sure friends don't spy on each other"

"We are friends Astrid!" he reached out for her.

She recoiled from his touch "Friends trust each other. Obviously you don't trust me, and you probably never will. Because, guess what? I am an ex hunter. That's something I wish I could change but I can't. And the fact that you spied on me today shows that you can't see past that"

"But I can! I have!"

"No you haven't" she responded coldly "Today proved that"

Hiccup couldn't think of anything to say. What Astrid was saying wasn't true! He'd just been talking about how he didn't care for her past earlier that day. He had only been spying because he believed that she wasn't betraying them. As much as he wanted to say that, Astrid was too upset. She wouldn't listen, let alone believe him.

The blonde warrier looked at Camicazi "I'm not even surprised that you did this" then she looked back to Hiccup "I'm _hurt _that you did" she stated before walking away.

"Astrid, wait!" He rushed forward and grabbed her wrist.

She flinched and yanked her wrist away "Don't touch me"

"Astrid please, none of this what-"

"I thought that you accepted me for who I am, instead of seeing me for who I was. Instead of seeing me for the person I haven't been in three years" she shook her head sadly "I was sort of beginning to trust you guys and I was actually kind letting my guard down a little bit. I was even considering staying"

Hiccup's eyes widened as he opened his mouth to speak. Astrid didn't give him the chance.

"You know since you were spying, you might as well know what I was saying" she glared at the pair "I was talking about how I _really_ _liked _the people I was staying with, about how well they were treating me, about how they'd been nothing but kind since I got there"

Guilt filled both Hiccup and Camicazi.

Hiccup stepped forward and grabbed her hand before she could move away "Please" he begged on the edge of desperation "Just let us explain"

"I don't see what you have to explain" she ducked her head down and shook her head sadly "Maybe this is my own fault. I never should have trusted you"

"Astrid-"

"Let's just go" she pushed past him and walked away before he could say another word.

Hiccup could only stare as she stormed off. He barely registered his fellow rider coming to stand beside him.

"Hiccup" Camicazi said in an uncharacteristically quiet voice "I'm sorry"

He looked at her and sighed "It's not your fault. At least, not completely." He looked down briefly "We should head back"

They walked back to the other riders in silence. Camicazi couldn't believe that that girl had actually managed to make her feel guilty. For the first time since Astrid arrived, Cami felt genuinely remorseful about her actions.

"Let's head back to the Edge gang" Hiccup said mounting on Toothless. He looked at Astrid, waiting for her to get on.

Instead she turned to Heather "Is Windshear feeling any better?''

Heather noticed the slight pleading look on her friend's face and nodded, confused "I think she's better now"

"Good" Astrid walked over and got onto Windshear, ignoring Hiccup in the process.

The gang took to the skies and Heather looked at Astrid.

"What happened?" she asked quietly.

"Why don't you ask the pair of spies when we get back?" Astrid retorted, subtly gesturing to Hiccup and Camicazi.

Heather mentally rolled her eyes.

_'Oh for Thor's sake Hiccup'_

xxxx

"Astrid?" Camicazi asked tentatively, coming into the stables "Are you in here?"

"In here!" she called from the corner

Starlight growled slightly and Astrid held out her hand to placate her "Easy Star"

She walked over cautiously "Hey"

"What do you want Camicazi?'' She asked, getting straight to the point.

"I came to" Gods, she couldn't believe she was saying this "Apologize"

"O-oh" Astrid said, clearly surprised "Go on"

_'At least she's calmed down'_

"Look, we shouldn't have spied on you, that was a mistake, I'll admit it. But, in a way, you were right. I couldn't see past the fact that you are - _were _\- a hunter. And I'll be honest with you, I still haven't fully. I guess that'll take time"

Astrid nodded with indifference "I appreciate your honesty"

"It wasn't Hiccup's idea to spy on you, it was mine. I found it suspicious that you were buying something without any runes on you and thought something might be going on. I'm the one that convinced him to come with me"

She heaved a sigh "I suppose it's fair that you found that suspicious. I can't say I wouldn't think the same had the roles been reversed"

"So you do see my point?"

"I do" she conceded "The man who I was 'buying' from is a fellow ex hunter. He knows me very well, that's why I didn't pay him. Trust me, I wish I could, but unfortunately I just don't have the runes" she explained.

Camicazi blinked a few times "That... Makes a lot of sense"

Had the circumstances been different, Astrid would've laughed at the realization contorting on the fellow blonde's face. But, even if she didn't want to be, she was still a little upset.

"Is there anything else Camicazi?"

"Just, please don't blame Hiccup. He only agreed to come with me because he said he knew that you wouldn't be meeting a hunter. He believed in you, he has right from the start. He didn't do anything wrong"

"But he did" Astrid pointed out.

"When?" Cami asked, not fully following.

"Even if it was your idea to spy on me, he didn't have to agree. Nobody was forcing him. The second he said he would go with you he did something wrong. I don't care about the reasoning. It's still an invasion of my privacy"

Camicazi remained silent for a brief moment "I guess that's true"

"I appreciate your apology" Astrid told her honestly "I know it can't have been easy for you"

_'Yeah, no kidding' _Cami thought to herself.

"And I think it was very kind for you to defend Hiccup but I'm still a little upset"

She nodded "I suppose that's fair. I just didn't want you to be mad at him"

"He's not blameless in this, I have every right to be upset" she said firmly "But you're a good friend for trying to show me otherwise"

"But you're not mad as before though, right?"

"Maybe not as much" She confessed "I was never mad at you guys, I was upset and I was hurt, even a little disappointed, but not angry"

"Nooo" the blonde rider groaned "Everyone knows that's worse"

Astrid's eyes had a glint of mischief in them "Hey, what's true is true''

"I guess I deserved that" she stood up "Are you going to talk to Hiccup?"

"Probably tomorrow" Astrid replied "It's getting late, and I really need to clear my head more than anything else" she bit her lip "I have a lot of thinking to do"

Camicazi nodded, hesitating slightly "Are you going to leave?"

Her tone wasn't pointed or rude. It was filled with pure curiosity.

"I... I'm not sure" Astrid confessed "I mean, it's not just because of today. There's always been a part of me considering the option. I'm just not sure I could take Starlight away"

"Oh gods, Hiccup would be unbearable" she pictured the scenario in her mind.

"Hiccup?" Astrid eyebrows furrowed slightly "Wouldn't Toothless be the unbearable one?"

"That's the thing, Toothless would be devastated so Hiccup would do everything he could to cheer him up, but none of it would work and then Hiccup would be all sad too, _completely unbearable"_ she emphasised the last part.

_'He'd probably be depressed about you leaving too' _she said to herself somewhat morosely.

"I'll take that into consideration" Astrid laughed lightly.

"So... Apology accepted?"

"Yeah" she nodded smiling "Mostly, it was nice apology, but I think it might take a day or two to get over"

Camicazi nodded "Fair enough" she was was at the door and paused "Hey, Astrid?"

"Yeah Cami?"

"You're not all that bad''

She was surprised when she meant it.

**_Next chapter will be up as soon as possible! It's in the works as we speak (type? read? Oh, never mind)_**

**_I hope you guys liked this chapter! You're (hopefully) gonna love the next one ;)_**

**_Quote from next chapter: "Our pasts shouldn't define us, but sometimes I fear that's all it does"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	10. Midnight Flight

"Come on Star, let's go" Astrid whispered as they exited the stables.

Briefly, Astrid looked at the sky above her. That was where she needed to be right now. Amongst the stars and away from the troubles that land brought her. The sky was the only place that offered Astrid the freedom she craved so deeply. Ironically, it was in the clouds where her mind became less foggy. All she needed was to be up there and _feel_. Feel something, anything that wasn't negative. Feel the wind in her hair. The goosebumps given to her by the cold air. The warmth of her cloak as she wrapped it around herself to camouflage into the sky. Feel the calmness around her as she disappeared, just for a little bit.

Ah, now that was most definitely something she needed, to disappear. Just for one second. One wonderful, fleeting, beautiful moment. A moment of peace. In that moment, she didn't have to be a hunter, not if she didn't want to. This would be hers. Astrid didn't have to be anything she didn't want to be, and in turn, she could be whomever she wished to be instead.

And all she wanted was to be a _person._

There were times when she just felt so dehumanized. Like, in some odd detached way, she wasn't fully human. Maybe it was just the part of her that was a hunter. The part of her that used to hurt others on a twisted warpath for approval. All that part of her had ever wanted was a simple admission of affection from Viggo or Ryker. Back then, when that side of her controlled her, she was very unfeeling. Dragons were just creatures, put on earth for people to kill. She would injure whatever dragon she could to get a raise in respect from the others. Guilt was just amongst her sea ofof surpressed feelings. It's not like the dragons mattered, they were just beats to her after all. Oh how wrong she was.

The old Astrid brought chills to her spine. That Astrid was vicious, cruel even. It was a version of herself that she wasn't proud of. Her entire life she had been taught that it was every person for themselves. It was a lesson that had taken years for her to unlearn. Now she left that concept behind, and she tried to understand the idea of teamwork. It was a dark fraction of Astrid. She hated thinking that she used to be that person, it worried her to think that she still had the potential to be that person. But no, hunter Astrid was behind her. She would never be that person again.

Though not everyone seemed to believe that.

Her feelings about the whole situation were a lot stronger when it came to Hiccup. She couldn't quite put her finger on why, but when she discovered that he was spying on her, it hurt her in a way that it probably didn't need to. The sting was sharp enough to kill. Hours later, she still remembered the sinking feeling in her stomach as she discovered the truth. The heaviness in her heart was still there, lessened thanks to Camicazi, but still too obvious to ignore. At this point, she should have been used to it. After all, that was feeling was there constantly with the hunters. Yet, this was different, it was worse. It might have been because of the personal side of things. With Viggo and Ryker, she wasn't close with them, no matter how much she wished she would be. With Hiccup, she felt accepted, and she hadn't felt that way in a long time. Over the weeks they'd become close. She even thought that he might...

But, no. He didn't. He couldn't. Maybe it was for the best. It would just mess things up anyway. Except she still kind of (really) wanted him to.

Ugh, this whole thing was messed up.

Escape was within her reach.

"Astrid?"

_'Great, just the person I want to see right now'_ she thought to herself sarcastically.

"Hey Hiccup" her lips pressed into a thin line

"W-what are you doing?" he asked with a hint of worry in his voice.

"Relax, I'm not leaving" she reassured sensing his concern, though her tone was less than friendly "Not yet anyway. I just... I need to get away for a little bit. Clear my head and stuff"

"Not yet?"

She bit her lip "I don't know what to say Hiccup. It's not that I'm definitely leaving... But I can't say I'm staying either"

Hiccup was about to say something when he noticed Starlight growling at him softly, glare firmly fixated on her features.

"She's not your biggest fan right now" Astrid told him.

"I figured as much, though I can't say that's uncalled for" he chuckled nervously

She noticed Toothless looking at her sadly and beckoned him over "C'mere Toothless"

Toothless went over slowly and she gave him a warm smile. She guided him over to the light fury "You two are absolutely fine"

Her words proved to be true as the light fury's face instantly neutralized as Toothless came closer. In less than a second Toothless was giving a gummy grin and playing with Starlight.

"So... Late night flight, huh?" Hiccup asked awkwardly.

"After today, I certainly need one" she raised a hand to her forehead tiredly "I have a lot to think about"

"L-like?" he stuttered, anxious because he already knew her answered.

"What to do with Starlight. If it were just me I know what I'd do but..." she looked over at the pair of furies "I don't want to take her away from here"

"She's settled in much better than we thought she would"

"I think Toothless is a big part of that" she admitted "And it helps that I'm here too, because she's already used to me, probably makes things easier for her"

"She seems to be getting along with the other dragons"

"Yeah. She really likes it here" Astrid sighed grimly "That's part of the problem"

"You could always stay, the both of you" he suggested sheepishly.

She turned her head sharply to glare at him. He shrunk back "J-just throwing it out there"

"There are a lot of things I could do, but right now, it feels like there are too many options to choose from"

"What if Toothless and I j-joined you?" he suggested nervously "Help you sort out your thoughts a little bit?"

"I'm not meeting with anyone, Hiccup. You don't need to follow me" the negative memory made her tone sharper than she meant it to be

"N-no I know that. I j-just thought i-it might be nice, t-that it might give us a chance to t-talk"

"I'm not sure we have a lot to talk about" Astrid stated flatly.

"Well then I... I g-guess I have a l-lot to say"

She hesitated "I don't know Hiccup..."

"Come on, please?" he pleaded "Look, I know what I did was wrong. Trust me, I've been beating myself up about it since we got back. But I was really hoping we could at least talk about it"

Astrid still wasn't sure so Hiccup persisted.

"It will also give Toothless and Starlight more of a chance to play together. If you do leave, which I hope to the gods that you don't, at least it gives them more time to be together"

Oh, damn him. He actually made a good point.

"Okay I guess, you and Toothless can join"

"Great!" he cheered.

"Don't flatter yourself" she said, once again, tone sharper than she intended "I'm doing it for Starlight and Toothless. Not you''

He shrunk slightly "R-right"

She couldn't help but feel guilty when she saw his face. It's not like she wanted to be this way with him. She missed their playful, jokey conversations, but now she didn't know how to be anything else. In the back of her head, something was just screaming at her to keep her shields up now. And that really sucked for both of them because Hiccup didn't like being treated that way and Astrid didn't like treating him that way. But it couldn't be helped, he'd made his mistake, he had to face the consequences.

And soon enough they were in the clouds, and Astrid felt free. Something about being in the sky just felt _right_. Right in a way she couldn't quite describe, not even if she tried. It was nice to feel like the only person in the world, even if it was just for a moment. Then she looked at Hiccup, and she was dragged back down to earth. Her problems anchored her to the ground, no matter how high she went. Astrid had never really realized that until Hiccup was with her. Problems don't just stay on the ground. Astrid carried her problem in her heart, her head and, rather unfortunately for her, in the form of a lanky auburn teenager and his dragon. Problems are harder to deal with issues when people are around.

There was a dull ache in her chest as she contemplated the idea of being alone.

xxxx

Toothless and Starlight played in the background, lost in their own little world. Astrid and Hiccup sat together in a deafening silence. Everything was being thought, yet nothing was said. Astrid hated everything being so silent.

"Can I just start this off by saying that I'm really sorry?" Hiccup broke the silent after, what felt like, an eternity.

She nodded silently, face passive "You can"

"Well I _am_ really sorry" he repeated, because he knew that his words hadn't settled with her yet "Spying on you was wrong, and I had no right to do that. But I wasn't spying on you because of the reasons you think. I was just doing it-"

"Because you knew that I wasn't meeting with any hunters, because you believed in me right from the start. Cami nagged you until you agreed to go with her. I know, Hiccup" Upon seeing his confused face, she explained "Camicazi came into the stables earlier. She apologized and explained everything"

Hiccup couldn't help but notice how her tone was still clipped "But you're still upset?" It was more of a statement than a question, but he still needed an answer.

"I am" the young warrior confirmed gravely "I said it to Cami and I'll say it to you, I don't care for the reasoning of it, your action was wrong. You're right, you shouldn't have spied on me. There were better ways to deal with that situation, and I think you know that"

He let out a sigh "Yeah, I do know that. I just, I got a bit flustered, I guess. I wasn't thinking when I agreed to do that"

"The thing is, I left the hunters for a lot of reasons, one being that I hated what they did. But it wasn't just that. They didn't trust me, with good reason to be fair" she paused as they both let out small laughs "But they were always trying to spy on me and watch my every move. I was forced to sneak around them all the time. There was a big loss of freedom. It was a part of why I left. I've never experienced freedom before, I don't know what it feels like. I thought I was getting some freedom here... Until today"

Hiccup bit his lip, faults becoming all too clear to him. Of course he knew that he'd hurt Astrid, but it hadn't occured to him just how deep it ran. In all the time she'd been with them, it hadn't fully hit him how her time with the hunters would affect her now. She hid her pain so well. Of course he wasn't stupid, it wasn't like he thought it didn't affect her at all. But he had never realized how much.

For the first time since they arrived, she actually looked at him "I _need _freedom. If I leave one place where I'm being followed around to go to another place where I'm being followed around, it kind of seems pointless. I mean, it's still better treatment, and it's definitely a better cause, but there's still something I don't get to gain, ya know?"

All Hiccup could do was nod, his words somehow felt like they would be too much and not enough all at the same time.

"I-I know I shouldn't be, but I'm more upset with you than I am with Camicazi. And that's wrong, and I know that, but I just can't help it" she confessed to him in a rush "I thought we were friends Hiccup. I thought you knew me better than that. To find out that you really thought I would go that low it... It hurt. And even though I know your real reason now, I can't ignore it" she cringed at how vague she sounded, but there was no other way to put it.

Gently, he reached to take her hand in his own. He paused to gauge her reaction, and when she made no move to push him away, he spoke "We _are _friends, I promise you, we are. You're right, I could've handled the situation better. Instead of letting Camicazi convince me to spy on you, I should've stopped her from doing it in the first place. Trust me, if I could go back in time and change it I would. But I can't. I can only be sorry and hope that you forgive me. I don't care that you used to be a hunter, you're not that person anymore, that's what's important. I'm sorry for making you feel unaccepted"

Casually, hand still in his grasp, she leant back and blew some stray hair out of her face "Okay"

"Okay? Does that mean that I'm forgiven?"

"It means that you're getting there" she explained softly "It'll still take a couple of days to fully go back to normal, but it's a start"

"Oh thank god!" he exclaimed with relief "You have no idea how awful I felt!"

"I may have been a little harsh with you two" Astrid admitted "It hasn't been all that long since I arrived, maybe it wasn't fair to expect you to fully trust me already"

"It's not like you were overreacting though" he reasoned "We shouldn't have done that and-"

"It's over now'' the young warrior said with finality in her tone "Let's... leave it in the past"

He nodded "It's in the past"

Almost instinctively, she rested her head on his shoulder. It happened before she could really think about it, but even even when she had, she didn't want to stop it. The tranquillity was almost too good. Astrid couldn't remember when she'd last felt at peace, or even if she ever had before. The stars twinkled in the midnight sky all surrounding the beautiful moon. It was very near picturesque. Them, their dragons and the boundless skies. Soon, a tingling feeling shot through her, and it hit.

They were still holding hands.

Clearly Hiccup had already had the same thought. She looked at their hands and when she looked back up he was already staring back at her. His eyes were fixed intently on her. Maybe she was imagining it, but she could have sworn he was moving closer. She was captivated by his eyes when...

"Woah!"

"Ah!"

...They were knocked over by their dragons.

Both of them couldn't help but chuckle. Astrid got up and extended her hand for him. This time she was quicker in letting go of his hand, not allowing herself to feel those same sparks again. There were too many complications. Yet, she wasn't able to shake the giddy feeling entrapping her entire being.

Were they about to...?

No.

But...?

Nope.

"Trust the dragons to ruin a nice moments''

"To be fair, we've probably ruined some nice moments for them too"

"When?"

"Their first meeting?" she suggested with a light giggle "Kinda cut that short"

"Oh yeah, I remember that" Hiccup said thinking back "Wait, you weren't there when they first met"

"Well..."

"You were?"

"Behind one of trees" she told him, trying not laugh at his surprised expression.

"How did I not notice that?"

"I'm very good at hiding" she winked jokingly.

"Clearly" the leader laughed.

"Hey, I managed to hide myself from you for months, and my love of dragons for years"

"You are extremely stealthy. You could probably teach that to us. The rest of the gang and I could use some lessons"

"But some more than others?" she asked rhetorically with a pointed look.

"Maybe..." he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly "Oh, who am I kidding? Yes, definitely yes''

Astrid started laughing before the cold air pricked at her skin. She rubbed her arms "Come on, it's getting late, we should head back"

"Oh my god" he whispered

She turned back to him, confused at his tone.

"What is it?"

Wordlessly, he gestured to her arm and she noticed some of bruises becoming uncovered

_'Dang it, paint was still fresh'_

"Astrid when- I mean I-I know when- Why- How-" He stuttered out.

She sighed to herself, the secret was out, no point in hiding it now. He already knew to some extent, this only confirmed. He probably would have seen eventually. Besides it was only the bruises, he didn't need to see the scars yet, he hadn't quite earned that yet.

Tentatively, she walked towards a small stream. Astrid leant down and cupped some water in her hands. She rubbed it on her arm until the paint wore off. Greyish yellowy patches began to reveal themselves.

"Astrid..." She heard his voice, laced with sadness, call out softly from behind her.

"Hiccup, don't" her own voice was tight, acting as a sort of guard for her "Please, don't"

"Don't... What?" he asked, confused.

"I don't need your pity. Or your sympathy. There's no need for it, I just..." She trailed off, trying to find the right wording "I guess I wanted to cover up my past" It got even quieter as she added "Our pasts shouldn't define us, but sometimes I fear that's all it does"

"But we already knew about-"

"Knowing is different from seeing" Astrid countered "Seeing it makes everything so much more _real"_

He could see what she was saying. Though he had known about her previous, somehow seeing the evidence made it worse. It made the truth unavoidable. He couldn't imagine anything happening to Astrid, he just couldn't. The mere concept drove him crazy.

"Stop looking at me like that!" She snapped suddenly.

"L-looking at you like w-what?" he asked slightly perplexed at how the mood had changed so quickly.

"Like I'm some sort of victim! Like some helpless scared girl who needs saving! As if you... As if you feel sorry for me" she all but spat out, turning away from him

Not missing a beat, Hiccup went in front of her and gripped her arms, being mindful of her bruises "Astrid, listen to me. I don't feel sorry _for _you. I feel sorry that it happened to you because I know that you didn't deserve any of it. You went through so much with those _hunters"_ the word was venomous on his lips, anger rushing through him as he thought about what they did to her "You're right, our pasts do define us, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. You've come out of your past so strong. I admire you Astrid, I really do. You're so brave to even find the courage to try to escape. I don't think you see how amazing you are. Every bruise and every injury they've caused you are victories. They're reminders of how you fought against them and won. You aren't some scared victim Astrid, but a survivor"

The blonde girl simply stared at him awe-struck. He had said everything she wanted, maybe needed, to hear. It was perfect. Butterflies swarmed in her stomach.

"Thank you Hiccup" she said gratefully "I admire you too, a lot"

He smiled gently and wrapped his arms her, she automatically backed away "W-what are you doing?"

Hiccup shot her a confused look "Hugging you?"

"Hugging me?" it took a few moments for it to click with her "Oh. Hugging me..." And then she looked down slightly embarrassed "I've only ever been hugged by Heather"

His heart broke for her.

When she looked up, he was staring straight back at her. His arms were still held out and he approached her a little more cautiously. He gave her a questioning gaze, and she knew exactly what he was asking. She nodded a little.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, sparks exploded inside of her "Is this okay?"

After a moment, she wrapped her own arms around his neck, pulling him closer "Yes"

xxxx

"I'm glad you came tonight" Astrid told Hiccup as they walked to the stables.

"Me too" he agreed "I'm glad we got this whole thing sorted out, I don't know how I would've slept"

"What did we say?"

"It's in the past. Thank Thor"

"Oh relax" she said casually "My plan was to talk to you about this all in the morning, so we would've been fine one way or the other''

"Still, I prefer sooner than later"

"Fair enough"

Silence fell upon them for a few moments, then Hiccup broke it with a question that had been gnawing at him.

"Are you still leaving?"

She bit her lip hesitantly, not a promising sign "Honestly?"

"The way you say it, I almost want to say no"

"I still don't know" Astrid informed him "I won't leave right now. Starlight and Toothless are getting along so well, I can't take her away, it wouldn't be fair to her. And I know that she still needs me. This whole thing is a big transition for her too and I need to be there for her. Maybe when she's ready, I'll leave and she can stay-"

"I thought I already explained to you why that was a bad idea" Hiccup cut in frowning.

"I know, but who knows what things will be like in a few months? Or even in a few week?"

"Months" Hiccup said automatically "Definitely months"

"All I'm saying is that we have to wait and see" she giggled at his eager manner "But it's still at least another three weeks or so"

"I'll take what I can get"

Suddenly they were at the stable doors and Astrid couldn't help but wonder how the time slipped away from them "This is me"

"So it is" he almost sounded dismayed, almost "Listen Astrid, about earlier..."

Her heart leapt into her throat. What about earlier? The hand holding? The (maybe) almost kiss?

"With the whole..." he nodded at her arm "You know"

Oh.

"I'm sorry if that got too personal or anything but-"

"It didn't get too personal, don't worry" she reassured him "I'm glad I told you, I feel closer to you now"

He smiled and stepped forward "I feel closer to you too"

When he stood there in the moonlight, flashing his crooked grin, Astrid felt like her heart would burst. Her feelings were getting harder to ignore. Of course she knew she could never act on these emotions. There were no positive outcomes it. Plus, it would feel like a betrayal to Camicazi. Hiccup would fall for her eventually, she just knew it. They made a lot more sense than she and Hiccup ever would. Still, when he stood there she couldn't help it. Without fully thinking, she brushed her hair out of her eyes and punched his shoulder.

"That's for spying on me today"

"What?! I thought we said that was in the past-"

She grabbed his armor and yanked him towards her, kissing his cheek.

"That's for... Everything else"

And with that, she and Starlight went to their pen. As she left, she could've sworn she heard Hiccup's nasally voice say "_W-what are you looking at?"_

**_Hopefully all the Hiccstrid in this chapter makes the wait worth it! Sorry about that by the way! Exams have been CRAZY!_**

**_But they finish today! So yay!_**

**_Quote from next chapter: "This whole thing is so confusing"_**

_**Shohini** **:)**_


	11. Stories

The gang walked in the next morning to find Hiccup happy as ever. They all shared confused glances.

"Hey guys!" he greeted cheerily when he noticed them.

"Morning Hiccup" Cami said slowly, sitting in front of him "You okay?"

"Couldn't be better!" he beamed.

"I think he forgot that Astrid's mad at him" Tuffnut whispered.

"No idiot! He's clearly in denial!" Ruffnut whispered back.

"Oh yeah! Didn't cousin Snuffnut go into that?"

"Yeah! Apparently it drove him crazy and he dove straight into a yak stampede"

Tuffnut gasped dramatically "We can't let our dear Hiccy run into a yak stampede!"

Hiccup, who had been listening to the twins' rather loud whispering, raised an eyebrow _'Hiccy?'_"Ruff, Tuff, don't worry, I'm not going to act like your cousin Snuffnut" he laughed lightly.

"He's already denying it! It's too late for him!" The female twin wailed.

"No seriously! Astrid isn't mad at me anymore"

"Shush Hiccy! It's okay! We've got you!" Tuffnut pulled him into an embrace, despite Hiccup's protest.

"Stop calling me that!" he broke free from Tuff's grip "Honestly, she's not mad"

"She isn't?" Camicazi asked "She seemed pretty mad yesterday"

"She was, but we've managed to talk since then"

"When?" Fishlegs asked curiously.

"Late last night. I caught her going for a flight and practically begged her to let Toothless and me come along. I managed to explain everything to her and she forgave me"

"So you guys went on a moonlit flight?" Heather smirked.

"Yeah uh, I guess we did" Hiccup blushed.

Camicazi's expression soured slightly. Moonlit flight sounded romantic...

"Oh by the way, Cami" the leader turned to his friend with a grateful smile "Astrid told me about the conversation you had, thank you"

She shrugged "It was no big deal. I shouldn't have spied on her, and I shouldn't have got you to join. Even I can admit I was in the wrong there"

"That's a first" Snotlout snickered but promptly shut up after receiving Cami's harsh glare.

"I really appreciate you making the effort" Hiccup told her and Camicazi felt her cheeks heat, she smiled and looked down.

"So you had fun on the flight, Hiccup?" Fishlegs asked.

"Y-yeah, it was awesome. Astrid was actually very understanding about everything. I had a great time!"

"Ugh barf!" Snotlout complained "I don't want to heat about Hiccup's stupid love life during breakfast!"

"Shut up Snotlout!" his voice fell in perfect time with Astrid's, who was just walking into the clubhouse.

"Morning Astrid" Hiccup marveled at her as she sat down.

"Good morning" she took her food.

"So you and Hiccup are good?" Camicazi asked.

"Yeah" Astrid smiled "We are"

Camicazi knew she should've felt happier, but she just couldn't.

Meanwhile, Hiccup couldn't be happier if he tried.

Once breakfast was over, Heather took Hiccup to the side. "So what happened?"

He played dumb "Huh?"

"You know, last night! Clearly something happened, otherwise you wouldn't be so happy!"

"Well..."

"Come on Haddock, spill!"

"It was great! We had this really nice talk and Astrid said she was beginning to forgive me! She rested her head on my shoulder and we almost kissed!"

"Almost?"

"Yeah, some dragons decided to get in the way" Hiccup threw a pointed look in his night fury's direction, who huffed in response.

_'Still could've done it after, silly human'_

He simply shook his head and turned his attention back to Heather "There's more! When we got back she puched me, actually that was kind of painful. But after that she kissed me!"

"Wait, really?"

"Really! Oh man Heather, it was awesome! It was amazing, fantastic, it was-"

xxxx

"A mistake."

"Wait, what?" Heather asked, confusion festering rapidly.

"It was a mistake, I shouldn't have done it" Astrid said with complete clarity.

"This is so confusing" Heather mumbled "One moment you like him, then you're mad at him, then you like him again, then it's a mistake-"

"Everything's really confused right now Heather" Astrid admitted, rare vulnerability showing "All of this is new and I don't know how to handle it"

Heather sympathized to a certain extent. Being with the hunters your entire life probably didn't leave much room for romance. Still, some things didn't make sense to her.

"I know this must be pretty weird for you" she said soothingly "But you have to explain why kissing Hiccup's cheek was a mistake"

"Because I feel like I'm leading him on" she confessed guiltily "He probably thinks I have feelings for him"

"Do you have feelings for him?"

"No! Yes! Maybe! I..." she trailed off "I don't know. And until I'm sure, it's unfair of me to act this way with him"

"Why do you act 'that way' with him then?" Heather asked knowingly

"I'm not sure! Honestly, it all comes so naturally when I'm around him, I don't even think about it! He just brings out this side of me, and I like it Heather. I like the person I am around him. He's just so kind and funny, he actually listens to me and doesn't just see me as some ex-hunter, he sees me like a person"

"Astrid?" Heather began softly "You are hearing yourself right now, aren't you?"

"Yeah... It does sound like I have feelings for him" she admitted uneasily "But I've never had feelings for anyone before! I don't even know how it works!"

"Well he clearly likes you too, so that's a good start"

"But what if I don't like him, but the idea of him? The idea of someone who treats me like a human being?"

"List all the things you like about him"

"What? Why?"

"Just to do it. You'll see why"

"Okay..." Astrid barely had to think about it "Well like I said before, funny, kind, good listener, makes me feel like I can be myself. He's also very smart, he's never arrogant, he's so humble it's almost cute" a dreamy smile graced her features "His eyes are so captivating at times. And his smile... Gods, he has this grin that makes me feel..." she stopped when she noticed Heather grinning at her "Shut up"

"You so like him"

"Not that much!"

"You like him a lot!"

"No! Well..." her blushed returned, fiercer than ever "Okay maybe a little. But nothing can happen between us"

"Why not?"

"Camicazi for starters"

"Astrid-"

"She liked Hiccup way before I even knew he existed" Astrid pointed out "I shouldn't mess that up for her"

"But he doesn't have feelings for her!"

"We don't know that"

"Yes we do! And besides, have you seen the way he is with her compared to how he is with you? Totally different"

"I don't want to come in and mess everything up"

"That's not what you're doing" the raven haired rider told her friend "Hiccup doesn't have feelings for Camicazi, that has nothing to do with you, she just has to learn to accept it"

"I don't know Heather..." Astrid hugged herself, something she often did when felt conflicted "My feelings might change, they're not even that strong. I don't actually know that much about him and-"

"Find out then"

She froze "What?"

"You heard me. I think he's in the stables, go and find out more about him, then tell me if your feelings are still 'not that strong'"

Astrid hesitated "You think I should?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed excitedly.

Astrid nodded "Okay fine, I will, only to show you that my feelings for Hiccup aren't that strong!"

"Uh huh, sure"

As Astrid went off, Heather couldn't stop smiling to herself.

xxxx

"Hi Hiccup" Astrid said softly as she entered the stables

Okay, she could do this. Just a simple conversation, then she could prove to Heather that her feelinsg aren't that big. How hard could that be?

He turned gleefully at the sound of her voice "Oh hey Astrid! What are you doing?"

"Looking for you actually"

His eyebrows peaked with curiosity "Really? Why?"

"I wanted to talk to you"

"About?"

"You ask way too many questions" Astrid murmured fondly and Hiccup felt an odd sense of nostalgia.

"You said that when we first met" He said to her with a bright smile.

She thought back to that night and a similar grin graced her face "Oh yeah, you're right. I was terrified you were going to get us caught."

"I was being quiet!"

"Not quiet enough!" she parroted her words from the memory as they both began to chuckle.

"Well we did manage to escape"

"Yeah just barely" she giggled "The hunters came up like one minute later"

Something in the atmosphere shifted as the smile vanished off of his face "What?"

"Yeah I guess they must have heard us or something because almost immediately after you left the hunters came and found me. They dragged me straight to Viggo and Ryker. By the gods, their faces when they're _that_ furious are truly something else. They somehow manage to be both terrifying and hilarious at the same time. Like, their eyes are sharp but they have veins in their foreheads that just seem to pop out when..." her sentence faded as she turned to Hiccup and noticed his despair "Hiccup what is it? what's wrong?"

It all happened so fast. One second he was standing behind her, listening to her story, and the next he was crushing her into him in a rather tight hug. It amazed her how this boy (man maybe? she wasn't quite sure) was able to be simultaneously rough and soft all at the same time. He had all but yanked her towards him in a surprising feat of strength. Yet, somehow, the hug still felt fragile. Delicate, almost as if she would break if he let go. He held her as if he were afraid to lose her. It took a moment for Astrid to adjust, she still wasn't really used to these hugs yet, but soon she was reciprocating as best she could.

"You uh, you do this hugging thing a lot, don't you?" she asked awkwardly raising her arms to his waist.

"N-not really no, sorry I just..." he apologized making no move to pull away "I'm so sorry"

"Why are you sorry? It's not your fault" she comforted him

"I know what Viggo did to you, it happened because of me" he said in a pained voice. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and Astrid restrained herself from jumping at the sensation.

_'You think you know, but you really **really **don't'_

True, he knew some, but he didn't know all. He knew of the bruises but not the scars. The young warrior decided not to tell him the full truth behind her past; it would only make him feel guiltier and, to some extent, he hadn't earnt the right to know yet.

"It wasn't because of you. It was because I decided to free you, it was my choice. I simply faced the consequence to my own action"

"But you wouldn't have had to make that choice if I hadn't needed freeing in the first place!" he told her mournfully

"Yes, because I'm sure you chained yourself to the wall yelling 'Help me Astrid!' and waiting for me to rescue you" she retorted sarcastically.

"Well okay but I shouldn't have-"

Astrid groaned with frustration and forced him to look at her, not breaking the embrace "Hiccup, trust me, you need to stop. There is no should or shouldn't have. Believe me, I have spent days and nights agonizing over things I should and shouldn't have done, things that were ultimately out of my control. Should and shouldn't have doesn't change things. The past is still the past, nothing changes that. Don't dwell on it, just be glad that it's over and hope that, with any luck, it won't happen again"

At that last part, he tightened his hold on her "It won't, I won't let it"

Something in his words once again brought a different tone to the room. In a rather peculiar way, it made their little embrace seem more... More intimate. It wasn't a level closeness that Astrid wasn't prepared for. She pulled away from his grip but refrained from punching him this time. It would be too much.

"You know, I'm surprised you remember that" she swiftly changed the topic "It happened weeks ago"

"What can I say? I always remember the important moments"

"So you're saying that meeting me was am important moment?"

He simply winked in response. The warrior, who considered herself ready to handle anything, could not handle _this_. This confident Hiccup was completely new to her. Though she hadn't known him long, the time she had known him had given her a fairly clear view of his character. He was a hero of sorts, an unconventional hero, but still respected all the same. An example to be known all around as the one who single handedly ended a war that spanned across generations. Yet he had managed to bring an end to the chaos, alongside a _night fury_. Admittedly, she found arrogance to be an extremely unattractive quality in a man (or anyone really), but from him it would at least make sense. He was the only person who probably deserved to have such over-confidence, but he would also be the last person to have it.

No, in truth, he was a rather awkward person. She had not had a single conversation with him where he had not stuttered or tripped over his words in some way. Though do not get it twisted, it was not one of his flaws; in fact Astrid found it to be rather endearing. However, this new Hiccup was most certainly being more forward. He was more sure of himself. And, maybe, he was being slightly...

_Flirtatious?_

No.

No, probably not.

But, regardless, it was very new. And Astrid found that she quite liked it.

The shield maiden briefly looked down, brushing her bangs aside and blushing profusely "You're very good at distracting me, you know that?"

"Oh really? And how do I distract you?" he smirked at her in a way that made her knees go weak.

"By asking so many questions" she said matter of factly.

"Is that the only way I distract you?" Hiccup stepped closer, devilish grin plastered on his face.

Astrid laughed and took a step back, butterflies storming "What in Helheim has gotten into you? I've never seen you so..." she gestured to his optomistic appearance "Cheery"

"I don't know, guess I'm just in a good mood" he grinned before his features softened "But seriously, I probably am distracting you, sorry, what did you want to talk about?"

Astrid's heart swelled, this was what she liked about Hiccup. He could go from confident and jokey to serious and sincere in a second flat. It was a rare trait that she'd seen growing up. She'd seen it in Heather, a little bit in Solveig and, surprisingly, minuscule traces of it in Camicazi. It was so strong within Hiccup and she wasn't even sure if he realized it. His humbleness, whilst wonderful, stopped him from understanding how special he really was.

"I-I uh... W-well..."

Shoot, what did she want to talk about again?

"Careful milady, you seemed to have caught my stutter" he chuckled lightly.

Astrid laughed along, racking her brain. She had come in here for a reason, but it was just too easy to get lost in conversation with him! Where the Hel did his charm come from?

Wait a minute...

It came from somewhere...

His past! That was it! That's what she wanted to talk about!

"What can I say? It's infectious" she grinned "But seriously, I wanted to talk about you"

His eyebrows rose with curiosity "Me?"

"Yeah because..." she went over her wording in her head once more "I feel like I've told you a lot about myself and my past and yet, I don't know much about yours"

He seemed to contemplate her words before responding "I suppose that's fair, I guess I just assumed that you already knew the story of my past, it's not exactly a secret"

"Oh no Hiccup, trust me, I know about your past, every viking across the archipelago knows about your past" she joked, hoping to maintain the playful atmosphere "But even though I know your story, I don't know _your _story"

Hiccup looked slightly puzzled "I didn't know that there was a difference"

"Well" Astrid began, unsure how to explain "Take me for example. From the outside, my story is one of a girl who spent years with the hunters, she did whatever she was told without a second thought, until she befriended the enemy. Then she helped the dragons, healing them, feeding them, doing whatever she could. It went on for years and when a group of dragon riders arrived, she helped them in every way she could, even if they didn't know it. She even helped their leader escape one night. Months later she attempted to escape and accidentally found the riders and has been adjusting to her new life ever since. To someone who does not know me, that is my story"

He listened to her intently and nodded, silently urging her to continue.

"That's not _my _story_._ Mine is about how I only ever knew the way of the hunters. My entire life I'd been starved of affection, care, starved of anything remotely related to family. The only thing I ever wanted was for someone to care about me, and for someone to tell me that. It was my only goal, so I did whatever I could to make it happen, ignoring everything and everyone else around me. Until I befriended the enemy" she paused and looked at him "Yes that part stays the same. Anyways, after that the ideas in my life completely flipped. The enemy became the friend and the friend became the enemy. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, I'd done all she could to help, but I needed to get away. And when I did get away I found a pesky rider who wouldn't let me stay and then wouldn't let me leave" she laughed airily.

"I resent that last part" he joined in her humour "But I think I get what you're saying"

"The story is always different coming from you, it's your experience, your emotions, your perspective" she told him, passion subtly slipping into her tone.

"Could've said that to begin with" he teased.

"I guess your rambling is another infectious thing about you" she replied mischievously, not missing a beat.

"Your mean words wound me milady" he held a hand to his heart, mimicking hurt.

"Hey, I never said it was a bad thing" Astrid smirked.

Hiccup opened his mouth to respond, but fell short of a response. The young warrior flashed a victorious grin "I totally won that"

"Can't argue with that"

"But seriously Hiccup" she swiftly steered the conversation back to its original topic "What is _your_ story?"

He hesitated slightly before beginning "I guess you know the basics. I wasn't the most popular viking in my village, I met a dragon, used it to help my training, trained a dragon, tried to leave, turned back, had a plan blow up in my face, eventually managed to show them the truth, lost my leg blah blah blah" now it was Astrid's turn to show her engagement in the conversation as she looked at him expectantly "Right well those basics are right but there's so much more to it..."

Astrid noticed his hesitation towards the subject and came a little, eyes locked on his "Take your time Hiccup, it's okay"

Something about her words soothed his nerves, with settled nerves he spoke gently "I know" he paused to get his mind together then continued "I was the runt of my village, the mistake, the literal hiccup. I was possibly the worst viking Berk had seen in generations, and obviously it didn't help that I was the son of the chief, one day I would have to be the leader of people who didn't even respect me, it wasn't a great feeling. Fishlegs was nice to me, but we weren't exactly friends, Cami was my only true friend. But she wasn't around a lot, what with her being part of the Bob Burglar's Tribe. So most of the time it was just me. One of my inventions finally worked and I met Toothless. So I set him free, or at least I thought I had, turns out my little contraption took his left tail fin. I made a new one for him, but he couldn't use it without me. The more we met, the more I learnt, and it helped me in the ring. The only thing was that it ended up working too well, and I won the right to kill a dragon, which was never going to happen. I knew my dad was proud of me, but it felt wrong, kind of displaced in a way. Like he was proud, but not of me, more proud of the person he wanted me to be. It wasn't the pride I wanted him to have and I didn't think anything would change so I left, and you know all about that"

Memories sparked of the first conversation they had had alone when shs first arrived at The Edge "That's right. If I recall correctly, you told me that you had a plan that backfired and that it was a 'long story'?"

"That I did. Well, basically, here's what happened, I came back and tried to show them everything I knew about dragons. I needed to show them that we were wrong about them. It very nearly worked, until my dad spooked the dragon. Toothless came to the rescue and that's how dad found out the truth about everything."

The blonde rider couldn't help but cringe, getting a sense of where the story was going "I'm guessing he wasn't too happy about it?"

"Furious. Kind of like how you described Viggo and Ryker to be, just maybe not with the vain. I was so flustered and I accidentally gave away the information about the dragon's nest. Gods, I'm never going to forget that look on my dad's face, he was so angry, and so disappointed. I should've been used to it at that point, it was all I caused him all of my life, but this was different. Underneath of that he was _hurt_. He saw me as a traitor, not to my kind, to my people. But a traitor to him. He... He...'' Hiccup paused and looked away "He disowned me"

Astrid gasped, in every version of the story, she'd never heard that part.

"My dad and I are the only ones that know that part. Of course the other Berkians knew he was livid with me, but none of them knew the true extent. Honestly I don't always fully accept that it happened. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent my dad for it now, our relationship is pretty good, but sometimes it scares me to think that me being my true self was enough for my dad to not want me anymore."

_'I get the feeling' _Astrid thought silently, she didn't feel it was the right time to interrupt.

"At that point I was defeated. I felt completely helpless and useless so I decided to go to place where it all began, the cove. When I went there I found some Toothless's shed scales. I couldn't help but wonder how I'd gotten to that point in the first place and it hit me, it's not that I couldn't kill him, it's that I _wouldn't_ kill him. He was just as scared as I was, I looked at him and I saw myself. And that's when I realized that I had to do something. The first thing I did was fly to Camicazi. I took Stormfly to her and explained everything. Luckily, the flight wasn't that long which worked in my favour. She was pretty sceptical but she agreed to help. She helped me convince the others and we went off to fight the Red Death. That part is all a bit blurry to me. I kind of remember it in bits and pieces. I remember being underwater, and I remember my dad saying he was proud to call me his son, I remember the phrase 'We're Vikings, it's an occupational hazard'. Then I remember Toothless's plasma blasts and fire and that's about it. I blacked out after I went into the flames. When I woke up a week later, my dragon was in my house and my left leg wasn't" he gestured to his prosthetic "I went outside, saw everyone riding dragons and automatically thought I'd gone to Valhalla. My dad explained everything to me, about how Berk was now allied with the dragons, and that's how we continued to live. I guess that's my story"

Astrid had been listening curiously, taking in every word "You and I were kind of alike" she thought aloud, though it was more to herself than him.

"How?"

"For the first part of our lives both of us strived to earn affection, acceptance and approval. We both used to try really hard to achieve our goals, though you probably weren't as ruthless in your attempts. Then it all changed when we met our dragons, it was like we had to focus on becoming the people we wanted to be rather than the people we expected ourselves to be. The only difference is that you eventually earned everyone's respect, I didn't"

He went a little closer to her "They were the wrong people to want respect from anyway. And besides, you're with us now, we all respect you"

Astrid let out a snort of disagreement before she could stop herself.

"Actually we all do respect you, even Camicazi. But I will admit hers is maybe more begrudging."

"I don't blame her" she shrugged with ease "I was a hunter"

"But you're not anymore" he frowned.

"That doesn't erase the fact that I _was _one. It's like I said last night, our pasts do define us, whether we like it or not"

"They only define us if we let them define us"

"Not necessarily" she countered "We can't control what others use to define us, that's up to them"

"So why give them your past if you know they'll use it to decide who you are?"

"Because you don't always know" she explained "I didn't know any of you other than Heather when I first got here. I could only guess what you would do, based on what Heather had already told me."

"And you thought...?"

"I knew you wouldn't. I figured Cami would. I guessed that Fishlegs wouldn't. And from what I'd heard, the twins didn't even know what the word 'define' meant and Snotlout was too mutton-headed to care"

He let out a hearty chuckle "Yeah that sounds about right. But if you guessed that even one us would use it, why would you tell us?"

"Well you already knew the important part" she laughed "The thing is Hiccup, I'm not exactly proud of my past, but it's not something I feel the need to hide either. It happened, and I can't control or change that. I can only accept and move on from it"

"That's a good way of thinking about it" Hiccup looked at her with admiration "I never saw my past like that, I was never embarrassed by it, but I always wanted to forget it"

"That's the one thing you should never do. Your past shaped you into the person you are today, and you're a really good person Hiccup, you should be proud"

"So should you. You've also become a really good person"

She bit her lip and looked down, something about his words didn't settle right with her.

"You are Astrid" he insisted.

She looked back up at him with a sad smile "I'm trying to be"

"Look Astrid, I know all about your past and trust me-"

"Not everything" The blonde haired shield maiden cut him off, unwilling to here is inspirational speech.

"What?"

"I haven't told you everything, I may never tell you everything." she looked at him hesitantly "Is that okay?"

"Yeah of course it is. We won't force you to tell us anything you don't want to. I won't force you. After all, it's your story, you can choose how much you tell"

She looked at him with relief, it was nice having a choice "Thank you"

"Of course. Though I do hope that maybe one day you will trust me enough to at least tell me more"

"One day I will" she reassured "You will learn more of my story, but that's for another day"

The conversation was nice, and she felt it had brought them closer together. If she shared more it would be too far.

She knew two thing.

She _definitely _had feelings for Hiccup.

And she really didn't want to.

"This was nice" she smiled kindly "Thank you for telling me. I'll see you later"

"Hang on a second!"

Before she could process it, he had grabbed her arm and turned her around. He kissed her cheek quickly. She tried to savour the feeling but his lips had left her face as quickly as they had arrived. It left her cheek with a pleasant tingle.

"Thank you for getting me to talk about it, nobody's ever really asked me that question before"

"Everyone's story deserves to be heard, even if they don't think so"

"That includes you, you know"

She blushed "Well you heard me"

"And I'd listen to all of it again and more if you wanted me to" his little crooked grin sent her stomach spiralling "And about your story, I hope you know that what you were looking for is here"

She looked at him, momentarily confused "Huh?"

"In your story, you mentioned was for someone to care about you and to tell you that. Well, I do. I really do care about you Astrid"

"I care about you too"

More than she wanted to.

**_So there we have it! Astrid most definitely does have feelings for Hiccup! Unfortunately, she's still has Camicazi's feelings to worry about :(_**

**_I keep saying this lately, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said updates will be more frequent because apparently I'm not good at frequent updates. I really am trying my best, I promise. I've had a few personal struggles recently and it's made it hard for me to write, but I'm better now. I'll do better in the future, and I'll try to write quicker but I make no promises._**

**_Quote from next chapter: "It can get pretty lonely at times, I'm glad I have someone to talk to"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	12. Think About It

"Tell me more about Astrid" Camicazi requested out of the blue that evening

Heather looked at her in surprise but quickly replied "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. You and Astrid weren't friends straight away, it must have taken time, I want to know what happened in that time"

"Why are you so curious all of a sudden?" Heather questioned.

"I think..." Camicazi hesitated and then looked looked at Heather almost begrudgingly "I think I might be willing to give her a chance"

Heather's face lit up "That's great! I'm glad you're finally coming around"

Cami looked at her fellow rider apprehensively "I-I didn't say that" she began cautiously, not wanting to get Heather's hopes up "I said I _might_ be willing to"

"Still better than nothing" she replied with a grin

"Obviously it won't be easy, but if Hiccup _really_ wants her to stay then I suppose there's no point in making myself miserable"

"Cami you need to think about this" Heather said carefully "There's no point in listening to this if you're not ready to _hear _it"

"I'm ready" she responded with full confidence "I need to know about her history"

"It all began one morning..."

xxxx

_"Hunters"_

_Everyone turned to see Viggo and Ryker. Viggo stood at the end of the corridor with Ryker a few steps behind. The leader's was terrifyingly passive. Somehow, his features showed no emotion and screamed 100 different things all at once. Still, Heather knew exactly how Viggo was feeling, and it wasn't good._

_"It would seem that we have a problem"_

_Something about his face sent a chill down her spine. His voice perfectly matched his face, emotionless. The calm was when things felt most chaotic. In that sense, it was easier when Ryker was getting angry. His temper tantrums and constant yelling felt fairly normal. There was often no reason or proper logic behind his little episodes_, _which meant that most things were exaggerated._

_With Viggo, it was infinitely worse. His tranquillity suggested a sense of power. He was in complete control of his emotion, and so was able to control everyone else's. Whatever extent he went to, the older man could be as cruel or as merciful as he pleased, and he knew exactly what he did when he did it. It all depended on his mood._

_"Someone let out a dragon last night"_

_Heather anxiously sucked in a breath. She had let an infant razorwhip go the previous start. So far in her time with hunters__ she had never set any dragons free. By the gods, she'd wanted to. However she couldn't, it would make her position too transparent. Last night she just couldn't help it. That razorwhip... It reminded her of Windshear. The young rider's sentimental side won over her practical side. The dragon was too old to be with the Wing Maidens but it still deserved to be free._

_"Now I'm not mad" he said, deceptively kind "Whomever it was that did it just needs to step forward and all will be forgiven"_

_Nobody moved a muscle, fear paralyzing their bodies. Anger flashed subtly but significantly in Viggo's eyes.Though he lacked a certain physique which his brother excelled in, his form of punishment was just as torturous, if not more. Nobody was willing to subject themselves to such brutality, even the guilty._

_"Very well, I suppose I'll have to take my guess"_

_Eyes stabbed at her like daggers. No contact, and yet her back stung. Heather tried to control her breathing as cold, slow steps approached got louder. He was coming her way and she wouldn't be able to deny for long. Viggo was too good. He would spot a mistake, an error, one tiny inconsistency and blow everything up. She began to silently accept her fate when a voice rung out._

_"It was me!"_

_All heads turned to the blonde teenager in the corner. She was stood up with eyes of steel. If she was scared, no one would be able to tell. Glow of defiance surrounded and she never backed down, no matter how close Viggo got. Murmurs all across the corridor were heard. Mostly complaints like 'there she goes again' or __'of course it was her'. Other, much harsher sneers of 'Dragon loving scum' and 'Dragon junkie' were also passed around._

_Astrid was an interesting character to her. The two had barely spoken during her time in the fleets. It wasn't out of disdain or contempt but rather a simple choice. Neither talk to each other because neither attempted to, let alone knew how. Heather felt a certain amount of anger towards all the hunters, even (**especially**) her brother, but she couldn't with Astrid. Truthfully she hadn't seen much of the so called 'traitor'. Viggo and Ryker had given her her own room on each fleet and that's where she stayed most of the time. Astrid never went out in the field, in fact Heather had never seen her near a dragon before. Simply put, there wasn't much a common ground between them for a conversation to start._

_Stories about Astrid spread like wildfire. Some said she was the daughter of one of the brothers, others thought she was their sister. No matter what it always ended with the conclusion that the masters felt obligated to keep the 'nuisance aboard. Although she had no idea which of the many rumours was true, it did make sense to her. Why else would they keep someone that didn't benefit them along for the ride?_

_Heather barely knew anything about Astrid and vice versa._

_Yet here Astrid was, covering for her._

_Viggo walked towards her, menacing glint burning in his eyes "Astrid" he spoke the name as if it were poison on his tongue "We've discussed this"_

_"That dragon was so young! It was so vulnerable and confused and you never get much for the babies so I thought..."_

_"Enough" he said sharply "Ryker, take her to our office"_

_"But Viggo-"_

_"Now"_

_Ryker grabbed her with such force that she nearly stumbled to the ground. The burlier brother kept a grip on Astrid that seemed impossible for it not to hurt. As he dragged her out of the room she did not look ashamed of her actions, even if it wasn't her actions. She did not appear afraid of the punishment that was coming her way. It seemed as though she was used to it. Guilt quickly pooled in Heather's stomach as the fate of Astrid dawned on her. Even though Astrid was often secluded from others, the raven haired rider had heard how she could be punished at times. The cries of agony and the begging for it stop after hours._

_As Astrid passed Heather their eyes met and she smiled._

_Truly smiled._

_One that radiated warmth and kindness, the first one Heather had seen from anyone in weeks._

_But what had she done to deserve that smile?_

xxxx

"She really did that?" Camicazi asked incredulously.

Heather nodded "I was just as confused as you"

"What happened to her?"

"To this day, I don't know fully. Astrid is... Vague on that topic" she chose the wording carefully "I knew the outline of her treatment. I'd heard it before, and I heard it after she lied for me" she shuddered at the memory "But still, Astrid would never say _how _they hurt her. She never wanted people to know, she still doesn't, but I'm not sure why"

Camicazi's posture shrunk as a timid look appeared on her face "How often did it happen?"

Heather resisted the urge to shudder once more "Often enough to remember"

"What does that mean?" the blonde rider asked, nearly afraid to find out.

"It just means that it happened a lot, too many times to forget"

"And it affects Astrid now?"

"More than she lets on"

"I-I never really thought about how bad it got"

Heather looked at her friend, eyes shining with sadness "It got really bad Cami. Astrid would never say that but..."

The sentence was never finished, but it didn't need to be heard, they both knew how it ended. Camicazi was lucky enough to have a mother that never once considered laying a hand on her. Not everyone had that privilege.

"Do you know how bad it got that day?"

"Not as awful as it could have been" Heather replied solemnly "I've heard her go through worse, but it was still gut-wrenching to hear"

"Is that the only beating she took for you?"

"No she took more for me after that, and if I'm being honest she probably took a few for me before that, but she'd never admit that"

"Why?"

"She never wanted me to feel guilty, she always said that it was her choice and that I wasn't forcing her to do it. Honestly I think she knew I already felt guilty and didn't want to make it worse"

Suddenly she felt as though she was a child again, hearing some sort of bedtime story, oh so curious to find out what happened next. Except, she knew how this tale ended so far and it was up to her what happened afterwards.

"When did you and Astrid really become friends?"

"Later that night actually. I was trying to feed the dragons..."

xxxx

_"Come on boy, please?" Heather pleaded desperately with a timberjack who was refusing to eat the food she was offering._

_The dragon scowled and went to opposite corner. She'd been trying to get the timberjack to eat something for half an hour, it would starve otherwise. However, any attempt she made was met with a suspicious glare. Even when she had opened his cage for him, he'd remained guarded against her. Heather was beginning to give up when a voice appeared next to her._

_"Don't take it personally" the blonde said "He's not very trusting, with good reason"_

_Astrid walked forward, and held out her hand. The fiery timberjack made it's way towards Astrid, drawn to her as if she were some sort of magnet. He happily took the fish and nuzzled into Astrid. Heather went to say something but was beat to it._

_"His name's Axewing. Don't worry, it took a long time for him to trust me too. He'll come around"_

_"H-how long were you watching me?"_

_"Not long enough to be creepy" she laughed a little, hoping to lighten the mood "I wanted to see how long you'd try for, you're very persistent"_

_"Is that a good or a bad thing?"_

_"Good" she reassured "I like people who don't give up"_

_"How long did it take for him to trust you?"_

_"Hard to say" Astrid thought over the question "He came in about a year ago, badly injured. Viggo and Ryker didn't think people would pay much for him so he's stayed here. I left fish for him every night but he would barely eat any of it. I also_ _tried playing with him, but he barely responded for the first few months. I can't say when he started trusting me it just sort of... Happened"_

_"He looks better now" she replied, but her tone made it sound like a bad thing "What'll happen to him?"_

_"There's an auction next week. I'm going to try and get him out of here before then"_

_"You're willing to go through that punishment again?"_

_"Anything for the dragons"_

_Astrid said it with such clarity that it made Heather's heart melt. How this girl was aligned with the hunters she had no idea. This was the first official time they'd ever spoken, and she already had a thousand questions._

_"I don't think we've ever officially been introduced" she held out her hand "You probably know this already, but I'm Astrid"_

_"You also probably know this, but I'm Heather" she shook the girl's hand and then it hit her, she'd forgotten to say something "__Oh and about this morning I just wanted to say-"_

_"__Don't worry about it" she smiled kindly_

_"You really didn't have to cover for me ya know"_

_"Oh I know. I wanted to"_

_"Why?"_

_Her grin saddened "I'm used to his punishments"_

_An awkward silence fell among them which Heather broke "How are you going to get the timberjack out of here?"_

_"__You know Ivar?" Heather nodded and she continued "He's one of our worst hunters, and he's on night duty next week. He never locks the cages right. After he's asleep I'll lead the timberjack out, quietly but still loud enough for people to suspect something. They'll realize Axewing is gone and they'll think it's because the cages weren't locked properly"_

_"That's a good idea but won't-"_

_"Ivar get punished? Nope" she smirked "He's the son of Olav. __Viggo and Ryker have worked with Olav for too long, he gives them information and tips about hunting. __Hel, he supplies us with dragons sometimes. Ivar is only here to toughen up. Still, he's untouchable, they can't punish him because they don't want to anger Olav"_

_"You've thought about this a lot, haven't you?"_

_"I can't let them sell Axewing" Astrid whispered, placing her hand on the timberjack's snout "It would be like... Betraying him. I hate that I can't let more dragons out, but with him I have to. I would hate myself if I didn't"_

_"You've been helping the dragons for a long time" Heather stated, feeling there was no need to question it._

_"It's been 3 years" she replied softly "I wish it was more"_

_"Forgive me if this is too personal, but how does a dragon hunter turn into a dragon helper?"_

_"A dragon didn't kill me, I had to question what I knew" she answered simply "Though I suppose I could ask you the same question in reverse"_

_"Huh?" The raven haired rider asked, not fully following._

_"How does a dragon helper become a dragon hunter?"_

_"Oh... Well you see I um... I'm..." she didn't need to lie to Astrid, but she felt the instinct to cover up her true nature._

_"Not an actual dragon hunter" Astrid found the rest of Heather's words for her "You're with the riders, aren't you?"_

_"No, well yes, sort of. It's complicated"_

_"Complicated how?" she questioned._

_"Only one rider knows I'm here" Heather confessed, and a weight lifted off of her shoulders. It was nice to tell someone that._

_"Really? I thought you knew all the riders"_

_"I do, but like I said, it's complicated" she petted a terrible terror cautiously before turning to Astrid "How did you know that I was with the riders?"_

_"I didn't know anything for sure, it was kind of a guess. But you've been helping dragons from the first night you got here. That means you already liked dragons. People who already like dragons are only here for one of two reasons" she explained "Either they're in my situation, or they're helping someone out. And since I know you're not in my situation, you have to be helping someone, and the riders are the most logical option"_

_"You're smart"_

_"I'm observant" she amended "I just look at what's around me, otherwise I'll get caught again"_

_Heather briefly pondered over the 'again' part but then remembered how Viggo said that they had 'talked about this before.' In that moment Astrid was like a tapestry, image becoming unwoven with every new detail. Being resewn into a new image with every new detail._

_"They've caught you before?"_

_The blonde mystery could only nod._

_"And they let you stay?"_

_"There's a bit of history there. I'm surprised you haven't heard it. Everyone talks about it"_

_"I've heard so many different versions of your history, I figured it's none of my business to assume which one's true" Heather shrugged, trying to be nonchalant _

_"Well let me clear that up" Astrid chuckled somewhat bitterly "I've been here since I was a baby. I'm not the daughter of either of them and I'm not their sister. They found me with a note"_

_"Hmm I actually have heard that version before"_

_"These people will gossip about anything"_

_"Can't argue there"_

_The warrior cleared her throat "Does Dagur know about all of this?"_

_"I mean, I haven't told him, so I'd assume he doesn't__"_

_"Do you want him to know?"_

_Heather hesitated and then shook her head slowly "No. I don't trust him enough yet"_

_"I'm flattered that you trust me enough" She joked and they both laughed_

_"Well you have kept my secret since day 1 apparently" something struck in her brain "Wait how did you know so early on?"_

_"I'm observant" Astrid repeated "And I'm experienced. I knew I had to keep an eye on you to stop you from getting caught"_

_"And what makes you think that I would've been caught?" Heather wondered, voice nearly tinged with offence._

_Astrid simply held up a silver spike and tossed it to her "That. That would've gotten you caught, no question"_

_Her cheeks were tinted pink "I suppose I need to tighten up the outfit a little bit"_

_"Don't be embarrassed, happens to the best of us__"_

_"So that's how you covered for me? By picking up whatever I left behind?"_

_"Yup. I figured you probably wouldn't want to talk to me, because you saw me as a hunter, so I waited till you were done and then went to get rid of the evidence. Oh and help the dragons that didn't respond to you"_

_"I really appreciate it"_

_"It's no problem"_

_In one moment Heather could suddenly see her semi-friend better. She was sporting a black eye, with blossoming bruises on her cheeks and arms. All varying in colour, all looking like they caused diffent levels of pain._

_"Oh gods..."_

_"It looks worse than it feels. Trust me, I can deal with it"_

_Heather looked down, contemplating whether or not she should ask the question plaguing her mind, and ultimately came out with "Why don't you leave?"_

_"I will one day, I'm planning it. But right now someone needs to help the dragons"_

_"You should leave with me!"_

_Astrid looked at her with an optimistic sense of despair "I can't, it's not right yet"_

_After that they continued to feed the dragons, Astrid often taking the lead. Once they'd fed all of them, they turned to each other._

_"I think that's all of them"_

_"Yeah I think we're good for tonight"_

_As Astrid turned to leave Heather called softly "Wait!"_

_"What is it?" the shield maiden turned around._

_"I um... I had a nice time tonight"_

_"I did too. It can get pretty lonely at times. It's nice __to have someone to talk to" she smiled warmly then disappeared._

_What a night._

xxxx

"She was a really good friend to you, wasn't she?" Camicazi asked timidly.

"One of the best" Heather replied gently "Without her I don't know how long I would have lasted with the hunters. She was a real help"

The wild rider groaned "She seems like a good person. She sounds like a good person. She probably _is_ a good person?"

"Alright I gotta ask" Heather looked at Camicazi "If Astrid didn't have this... Connection with Hiccup, would you give her a real chance?"

Cami contemplated the question "Maybe" she finally replied "The fact that she's an ex hunter probably would have kept me suspicious, but maybe I'd be a little easier on her"

"I don't know if this'll make things easier for you, but in terms of her being an ex hunter, you should remember that she didn't have a choice"

"Huh?"

"It's not like Astrid had a choice in any of this. She was baby. She couldn't control being given up and she couldn't control Viggo and Ryker raising. She had about as much choice with her parents as you did yours. We can't choose who raise us"

Cami froze. That was not an aspect she'd taken into consideration.

"Just... Think about it"

And with that, the fire went out, but Camicazi's mind was more awake than ever.

**_Okay so time to explain some stuff!_**

**_Basically I signed up for this 4 week program called NCS. That's part of the reason I haven't updated in so long. Between residentials, camping and charity work, I haven't had much to write._**

**_The other reason was writer's block. Np matter how many times I tried to write this chapter, the words just weren't coming to me. But that seems to be cured now._**

**_Just to make it clear, I will never_ _abandon this story. That would be unfair to you guys. Some updates may take a while, but they'll be there eventually._**

**_Thank you all for being patient with me._**

**_Quote from next chapter: "Do you ever get angry with them?"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	13. Visiting A Friend

"Alright so I was thinking we might take a trip today" Hiccup announced at breakfast.

"A trip? That might be nice, where to?" Heather said with a grin.

"Melody Island"

"Ugh not Melody Island!" Snotlout whined.

"Stop being such a muttonhead Snotlout" Cami hit him upside the head lightly.

"Ow!"

"I'd love to go to Melody Island" she beamed "I miss Garff, and so does Stormfly"

"Who's Garff?" Astrid chimed in curiously.

"He's a dragon that we like to check up on from time to time" Hiccup told her "Garff's pretty special to all of us"

Snotlout coughed rather loudly.

"You care about that dragon as much as anyone else and you know it" Heather teased.

The arrogant teen looked away mumbling something along the lines of 'Shut up Heather'.

"He's especially close to Stormfly and me" Cami said with an unusually kind smile "He got hurt pretty badly, he had to stay with us for a while and while he was here Stormfly got really close to him, they're best friends"

"I'm sorry" Astrid frowned, sensing how he'd been injured.

"Don't be" Hiccup said automatically "It's not like you did it"

"He's right" Camicazi said, much to both Hiccup and Astrid's surprise "Besides, some good came from it, if it weren't for that Garff never would have come here and he never would've bonded with Stormfly"

"I guess" Astrid said, her voice a mixture of both happiness and sadness "What kind of dragon is he?"

"He's a death song"

"Oh..." Astrid gained a reminiscent look in her eye

"Everything okay?" Hiccup asked concerned

"Yeah, no, I'm fine, really. I just remember helping a Death Song a while back"

"Oooh I wonder if it's the same one" Fishlegs squealed with excitement.

"I doubt it, there are so many death songs in the world, the chances are slim"

"I don't know about that, we've only ever seen two"

"Yeah, in _this_ part of the world" she smirked mischievously "Who knows what else is out there?"

Hiccup looked at her joyfully "That's what I always say"

"Great minds think alike I suppose" she winked jokingly.

"So what does everyone say? Melody Island?"

The answer on the whole came back as a resounding, and kind of reluctant, yes. Hiccup couldn't help but feel thrilled. His plan was coming together, he just needed one more yes. His gaze landed on Astrid, nervously awaiting her response.

"Astrid?"

"Sounds nice, hope you guys have fun" She smiled looking at her food

He took a seat next to her "You're coming too, aren't you?"

"I don't know, this sounds like something for the 6 of you to go to, I don't want to be a intruder or an outsider or anything"

"You won't be" he assured "This is something we want to share with you"

"He's" gods, this would be hard for Cami to say "He's right. You should join us, Garff might like you"

Hiccup gave her a grateful look and turned back to the girl he had a tiny-not-so-tiny crush on.

"Please come with us" he placed a hand over hers without thinking, sending sparks that shot through him "For me" he whispered.

He was looking straight into her eyes and, gods above, it wasn't fair. He looked at her like she was the only person in the room, she might even go as far as the world. How could one set of eyes make her feel so giddy?

She'd never been one for eye contact. Growing up she'd been forced to make eye contact with people whilst being beaten black and blue. It then also happened when they forced her to say the evil truths about how she was unwanted and unimportant. For them, it was a form of punishment; a way of inflicting of pain, whether that be physical or emotional. With Hiccup, that wasn't the case. Eye contact for him was a form of communication, an effective one at that. His eyes spoke where words failed him, and she was hearing everything that they said.

(well, _almost_ everything)

And then there was Camicazi. She was being kind, and not in a fake way. This was genuine. She wasn't sure why; maybe this Garff dragon put her in a more generous mood, or maybe she simply warming up to her now. Either way she wasn't going to take this politeness for granted.

She looked between Hiccup and Camicazi and then gave in "Alright I'll go"

Silently, Hiccup cheered in his head.

"When do we leave?"

"I'm thinking in about an hour"

She nodded "Sounds good. It will be great for Starlight and me to go on a flight"

Toothless, who had been outside the clubhouse playing with a few of the other dragons, peaked his head in at the mention of Starlight's name.

The gang could only laugh.

xxxx

"This is Melody Island" Hiccup introduced as the gang landed.

"Huh" she said distracted, looking around.

"Everything alright Astrid?" Fishlegs asked.

"Yeah I just... I don't know, I feel like I've been here before"

Before anyone could question what she meant or why she thought that, a piercing noise sounded out. The riders all turned to see their large orange friend pop out and run towards them. Stormfly bounded forward, eager to see her friend and immune to his song, whilst the others put the earplugs in for their dragons. Astrid scavenged her pockets for the earplugs, but found that Starlight didn't need them. When she had eventually found the blockers, Star hadn't been affected in the slightest.

"Oh this is Garff!" Astrid exclaimed with a wide smile.

The familiar voice sent the aforementioned dragon's ears twitching. He looked at Astrid and the light fury gleefully and went to them. Astrid petted him as he nuzzled into her.

"Yeah I know boy, I'm happy to see you too!"

He crooned happily and greeted Starlight, who played with just as much energy. Toothless let out a low growl and moved forward but was stopped by Hiccup's hand on his snout.

"Not right now Toothless" he said gently "Let them have their reunion"

Toothless, somewhat begrudgingly, complied with a huff. Hiccup nearly wanted to laugh at the petty behaviour his companion was displaying. However, one greater questioned consumed his mind in that moment.

"Hang on a second. How do _you_ know Garff?" Snotlout beat him to asking.

"The hunters came here wanting him. They thought he could use the amber to gather more dragons for them. But Garff, as you all call him, put up a fight. He wasn't going down. By the time they'd finished with him, too much damage had been done. They left him here to die" she frowned, idly glancing at the Death Song "I couldn't let that happen, so I snuck back here with Starlight as fast as I could. We stayed with him all day, nursing him back to health. It wasn't looking good for a while. But he made, against all odds, he recovered. That dragon has a lot of fight in him"

Hiccup looked at her with adoration and placed a hand on her shoulder "He's not the only one"

She turned her head and flashed him a tender smile. It was a nice moment, that ultimately got ruined by Tuff's voice.

"Wait, didn't Viggo and Ryker know you were missing? Unless..." Tuffnut, in true Thorston fashion, gaped dramatically "You have a twin! Oooh I bet it's an evil twin that's still with Viggo and Ryker! What's her name? It obviously has to rhyme, since ya know, all twin names rhyme. Case and point" he gestured between him and his sister "Let's see, what rhymes with Astrid? Castrid, Dastrid, Fastrid, Gastrid-"

"Tuffnut you muttonhead! She obviously doesn't have a twin!" The female twin yelled "She clearly left a dummy in her place!"

"What? No way! It had to be twin!"

"Dummy!"

"Twin!"

"Dummy!"

"Tw-"

"You guys!" Astrid interrupted the quarrel "I definitely do not have a twin and I didn't leave a dummy in my place either. I just told Viggo I was leaving with a day fleet"

"Day fleet?" Fishlegs repeated with a questioning tone

"Viggo sends his fleets out for different periods of time. Some are for months at a time, others for weeks, day fleets are led by the weakest of hunters and they come back by nightfall. Their also the easiest to manipulate into telling Viggo and Ryker that you were there" she explained with a tiny smirk.

"How long ago was that?"

"I'm not sure, I've been with you guys for about a month and a half, so I'd say maybe 3, 4 months ago now. How do you know him?"

"He hatched at the edge, we've literally known him his whole life"

"Yeah and what a pain he was! All the crying, and gods! That stupid song" Snotlout complained as the other riders gave him sharp glares, he then was scowling and mumbling "Well he was"

"He was a bit of an earful" Hiccup said hastily "But he just wasn't in the right environment, plus he was only a baby, he's much better now"

"It's interesting that you knew how to help him recover" Fishlegs pondered "I always thought the treatment was different depending on the dragon"

"It can be" she shrugged "But on the whole, if you've treated one type of dragon you've treated them all. I don't like to generalize, but that basically is the case. Plus, I've been helping dragons for 3 years now, you learn a thing or two"

"I know we've been helping dragons for about the same amount of time, but I'd love to sit down with you one day and discuss what you've learnt about treating dragons"

"I'd like that" Astrid grinned kindly at Fishlegs.

Hiccup loved seeing moments like this. Of course he considered himself to be, with the possible exception of Heather, the closest to Astrid. But he also wanted her to get to know the other riders as well. If she were to become a permanent member of the team, she needed to get along with everyone. So far Astrid was clicking with everyone. Even Camicazi was coming around, albeit a little slowly.

"Starlight doesn't need the earplugs, I wonder if that's something special to light furies"

"I doubt it, Toothless is just as affected by the song as the others, why would it affect him and not her?"

"Well light furies and night furies are sub species. They do both have their own individual traits" Astrid pointed out "But that isn't the case here, Starlight and Garff have just bonded very well, his song doesn't affect her"

"Kind of like Stormfly and Garff" Cami said.

"Exactly"

"So Garff is all good. There doesn't seem to be any problems, what now?" Heather asked.

"Now..." Hiccup looked around and then smiled "Take to the rest of the day to yourself gang, I think a day of rest would do us all some good"

This was an answer that surprised the riders. Hiccup often didn't know when to take a break; which meant that everyone, including the dragons, unintentionally got overworked. The fact that they didn't have to prompt this day of relaxation was most certainly a step in the right direction. However, through all of Heather's glee she saw the way Hiccup was looking at Astrid and realized something.

'day of rest' was actually code for 'day to spend time with Astrid'

She watched as the two walked off chatting, seeming like they were the only two people in the world. The riders followed and they all sat in a group. After that she looked at Camicazi's morose expression and walked over to her.

"I thought the connection Garff and Stormfly had was really special. But of course she has that too" she scowled quietly.

"Come on Cami" Heather said, patience gradually thinning "You can't demonize her for helping a dragon"

"I'm not. I'm thankful, actually. If it weren't for Astrid, Garff may not have even been here" she admitted "It just feels like she has everything"

"Everything or everyone?" Heather asked looking over to where everyone was sitting.

"They all look so happy" Cami frowned "Especially Hiccup"

"Camicazi, I know how hard this is for you" Heather said with sympathy "But try looking at it from other angles. This... Thing that Hiccup and Astrid have, it could amount to nothing, or maybe it will amount to something, we don't know. But either way, isn't it nice that Hiccup has someone that brings that smile to his face?"

The rambunctious blonde looked at the pair. That smile he had, it was a truly unique smile. A caring smile filled with adoration, admiration and pure love. He was completely lovestruck, and she wasn't even sure if he knew how much he was.

"I am happy he has that smile" she said sadly "I just wish I was the girl causing it"

Heather hugged her and kept an arm around her shoulder. "Let's go join them, yeah?"

And with that, they walked over to the rest of the gang. It was nice, they had fun and there a lot of laughs as they reminisced and told their stories. But every time Astrid spoke that smile of Hiccup's grew wider, and Cami just wished she could be in Astrid's place.

xxxx

The gang had all split up after a while. Fishlegs had decided to explore the island for the hundredth time, with Heather and both of their dragons happily following. Camicazi had gone to fill up her water and Stormfly had followed, sad to be away from Garff but also desperately needing a drink. Snotlout had gone off with Hookfang to do his own thing. The twins were gods know where doing Thor knows what, at this point everyone knew not to question it. This just left Hiccup and Astrid. The two sat together watching their dragons play with Garff. Hiccup silently thanked his lucky stars for this time alone with her. Astrid was so immersed in her dragon's happiness to see Garff she hadn't noticed Hiccup inching closer to her.

"I think your dragon's a little jealous" Astrid observed with amusement.

"What?"

"Look at them" she gestured to the three "Starlight and Garff are playing together all happy and stuff, and Toothless is at the side sulking"

"Toothless doesn't sulk. He's more mature than that"

"Hiccup, look at him"

Hiccup did just this and noticed t0hat his dragon was indeed sulking. He was there, but not running as fast as the other two. He was often looking at them sadly or glaring and huffing at the gleeful pair.

"So maybe he's not more mature than that" Hiccup amended "He's probably not used to seeing Starlight getting along with another dragon so well"

"I feel kind of bad for him" Astrid said with a light smile "I've never seen a jealous dragon"

"Oh I definitely have. Back on Berk I took in a baby Typhoomerang that we called Torch. He was acting out, constantly glaring at people, trying to kick Torch out of his bed. He was also trying to reunite Torch with his mother, but he was still a little jealous" He chuckled at the memory "It was like my first girlfriend was a dragon"

Astrid burst into laughter "Should we help him?"

"Well we could-"

They didn't need to do anything. Before they could even come up with a plan they noticed a happy chortle. They saw Toothless trying to leave and Starlight playfully blocking his path. He tried to leave another way but the light fury repeated her action. Gradually Toothless reciprocated and soon the three were playing together as joyful as could be. Hiccup and Astrid could only stare.

"Well look at that, we didn't have to do anything" she smiled.

"I've never seen anyone sort out a problem so fast"

"Certainly not humans"

"Are dragons better at resolving conflict than humans?"

Hiccup looked at her "I wish I could say no"

The blonde warrior simply smiled and shook her head "Doesn't surprise me actually, dragons are-"

"Extremely intelligent creatures" they said at the same time, they blushed as they looked away from each other.

"Took the words right out of my mouth" she grinned softly "How the hunters could ever harm them still confuses me"

"Thank gods for you. Without you who knows how many dragons would be gone"

"I don't think there's any reason to thank me" she dismissed "Someone needs to help them, I just wish I would've realized sooner"

"We all wish we would've known sooner" he told her gently "The important thing is that you did, it doesn't matter when you figured it out"

"I wonder what my view on dragons would've been if I hadn't been with the hunters"

"My guess is it would've been the same, seeing as nobody in the archipelago liked dragons at that point"

"Yeah probably" she agreed "No matter who I'd have ended up with, it probably would have been the same outcome"

"Except you may not have met Starlight"

Astrid pondered over the statement for a moment "No, I think no matter what I would've met her"

"Really?" he asked curiously "What makes you say that?"

"I'm not sure how to explain it, it's just one of those things that was... Meant to happen. I can't imagine my life without her and I just think that no matter what would've happened in my life, Starlight and I would've come together one way or the other"

"I get that. I feel the same with Toothless"

"I think that everyone feels that way once they've bonded with their dragon, that connection is something truly untouchable"

"What if it were Viggo or Ryker?"

"I'm not sure about Ryker" Astrid hesitated "I think if Viggo were to get over his own prejudice it might be possible. But I don't see that happening anytime soon"

"Have you thought about your life without them a lot?"

"I try not to" she bit her lip "I don't like thinking about the 'what ifs'. It's like the whole should or shouldn't have thing. It doesn't matter at the end of the day, what's happened has happened. This was the life I was given, I just have to make the most of it. What ifs don't really apply"

"That's a good way of looking at things"

"Thanks"

"I've gotta admit, I'm surprised that you're so optimistic"

"I think it's more being realistic than being optimistic" she corrected "It's just knowing the facts. Life can't be changed, you don't have a choice in that. There's not much point in being miserable about it"

"I mean, you can change your life if you want to"

"How do you mean?"

"Well, take yourself for example, you were a hunter and you didn't like that life so you changed it. You left them and ended up with up with us, now you're life is totally different"

"I see what you mean, but that wasn't so much changing my life as much as it was changing my future" Astrid explained "That was me looking at the life I already had and knowing I didn't want it for my future. I wanted a better future, so I worked to change it"

"But by changing your life in the future does that not still change your life?" he challenged.

"I suppose it does, in a way" she conceded slightly "But I still think that's different. When I say your life, I mean your life in that current moment. Or what's happened in your life so far, I'm talking about the things in your life that are truly unchangeable. In the moment, if you want to change something, doesn't mean you can right then and there. You have to change it for the future"

"You make it sound like the future is a different life altogether"

"It kind of is" she told him "The past, the present and the future, they're all very different. We're not the people we were in the past and the people we are now won't be the same as in the future. Our past does shape us into who we are, but we're always being shaped, and we're always changing. It's kind of a detached way of looking at things, but that's just what I believe"

"I think you're right. I'm not really the same person as I was on Berk, there are still traces of that person in me, but it's not the same as before"

She looked at him victoriously "So what you're saying is that I won that"

"I don't remember saying that-"

"But I won"

"I'm not really sure this is something that could be won or lost necessarily-"

"But I did win"

"Alright, alright, you win" he admitted defeat with a chuckle "You always win"

"You knew what you were getting into" she smirked

"Uh huh. Right"

Astrid grinned wider. Normally she didn't like when people challenged or disagreed with her. Often she found it irritating and pointless because they couldn't back up their case. With Hiccup it was different. It was actually an intelligent conversation. He could hold his own and still remain rspectful. So many got rude once they were proven wrong, it was ridiculous.

"So I know you said that you don't think about it a lot, but when you do think about your alternate life, what's it like?"

"It... Differs. Sometimes it's amazing, other times it's more realistic and I remember that even if I had ended up with other parents they could have been just as horrible. But most of the time it's quite nice. Sometimes I have a sibling, sometimes I don't, that's not that big a deal to me" she smiled, getting lost in her thoughts "I like to think about growing up with toys instead of weapons. I like to think about being able to celebrate my birthday, because in that life I know when my birthday is and I-" she stopped abruptly "Um forget it, it's silly"

"No, go on, I'm sure it's not silly"

"I imagine what it's like to have a mother" she said softly, dreamy look capturing her eyes.

And that's when hit Hiccup. Of course Astrid had never had a mother. She'd probably never even had a motherly figure in her life. Though he also hadn't had a mother growing up, Mrs Hofferson had always been the closest thing to a mother for him. She had always been kind and always looked after him when Stoick couldn't. She'd placed all of her motherly love onto him, all the love she couldn't use on her own daughter. He'd at least had that. She didn't.

"I can't tell you much about that, my mother died when I was a baby"

"Oh I'm sorry-"

"There's no need to be" he said kindly "I don't even remember her, besides, it's been 18 years. It's not like I haven't had time to get over it. Plus, there was a woman in the village who was almost like a mother"

"That's good" she smiled "It's not that I don't know what a mother should be like, I've seen children with their mothers. I understand the basics of what a mother is I've just never... Had one" she laughed "Gods, that sounds pathetic"

"No, it doesn't" Hiccup reassured, moving a little closer "It sounds like a girl who's never had a mother"

"Excuse you, a _warrior _who's never had a mother" she corrected, something about the title made her feel stronger.

"My bad" he held up his hands in joke defense "A warrior who's never had a mother"

"That's more like it" she grinned "Well, the whole mother thing only really comes up if I'm thinking about my alternate life with my actual parents, not some fake family"

He looked at her hesitantly "Do think about that life with your parents a lot?"

"It crosses my mind from time to time. Like I said, I try not to think about it too much. It's a nice dream though, maybe one day it'll be a reality, though I highly doubt"

He turned to only focus on her "Do you ever get angry with them? I mean, if it weren't for them you never would've ended up with the hunters"

"I don't know if I'd call it anger. More confusion than anything else. What reason would you have to give up your child? It's not like it was an unplanned thing, they left a note, they knew what they were doing. I... I just want to know why" she whispered the last why.

"Hey" he said comfortingly, hoping to get her to smile "I'm sure they were doing what they thought was best for you"

"Yeah, but while their intentions may have been good, the outcome wasn't. I don't know what my life would've been like with them, but I'm almost certain that it would've been better than what it was with the hunters. They may not even remember me anymore''

"Oh come on, what parents forget their daughter?"

She glanced at with a despaired happiness "Parents who give their daughter up"

Hiccup, now eager to lift her spirits, spoke without thinking "I'm glad you're parents left you"

"Excuse me?"

His eyes widened "No! Gods no! That is so not what I meant! I am so sorry that-- Wow that really came about wrong, didn't it? Okay, no, what I meant was" he paused to take a breath "I'm glad everything happened the way it did"

"Oh, really?" Astrid quirked an eyebrow "And why is that?"

"Don't get me wrong, I _hate _how the hunters treated you. It was wrong, wrong on so many levels. More levels than I count. It was disgusting, despicable, it was-"

"Hiccup you're rambling"

He froze "Um... Yeah, you're right, I am. Look this is my point, if you hadn't been with the hunters, you never would have saved me and gods knows what would've happened to me and Toothless"

"We may never have met"

"No" he shook his head "I don't believe that"

"You don't?"

"Nope. It's like that thing you said about stuff that's meant to happen. I think you were meant to be a dragon rider, whether that means permanently or temporarily. I think that you were meant to meet the gang and" he gulped nervously "I definitely think that you and I were meant to meet, one way or the other"

"I wanted to meet you much earlier" she confessed "When we were 15, I heard about you and Toothless and I was dying to go to Berk to see you guys"

"Really? Why didn't you?" Hiccup asked in shock.

"Too complicated, I couldn't find a way to get to Berk and back without Viggo and Ryker figuring it out. Plus, I didn't want to lead them to Berk, it would've been dangerous for you all. At the time it just made more sense to stay put"

"I wonder what would've happened if you had come to Berk"

"I'm not sure. It's not like I would've been there for long"

"But once we knew where you were from there's no way we would want you to get back"

"Maybe you wouldn't know where I was from. I don't know if I would have told you about being hunter"

"I guess that's true, but we would still be friends, and we wouldn't want you you to leave"

"I suppose there's no point in speculating,

we'll never know now. But it doesn't matter anyways because a few years later you found about Viggo for yourself"

"And we met anyway" he looked at her "Do you see what I mean? I truly believe that we were meant to meet"

Astrid had always applied that theory to dragons and riders, but even so "I believe that too"

And that's when it dawned on Astrid how close Hiccup had moved to her. It all felt very intense so Astrid responded the only way she knew how, with a quick hit to Hiccup's shoulder.

"T-that was for challenging my idea about life and future"

Hiccup for a moment looked as though he was going to say something, but it quickly faded into a light smirk as he turned his cheek towards her.

"What are you doing?" she questioned cheerily.

"Is there not a second part to that punch?"

"That's how you think my punches work?" she snickered.

"The ones you label, yes"

"Then I guess since you have my punches all figured out, I don't need to show them to you anymore" she teased standing up "Maybe I should show Snotlout how they work, label it as a punch for being annoying and then show him this so called 'second part' for fun"

"Oh no you don't!"

Instantly, two surprisingly strong arms wrapped around her waist pulling her back and lifting her off the ground.

_'Seriously?' _Astrid thought bewildered _'When did Hiccup get so strong?'_

Nevertheless, she still laughed as he spun her around.

"Hiccup!" she exclaimed between giggles "Put me down!"

"I don't think so milady" she could hear the smugness in his tone.

He continued to spin her around until he lost his footing and the two tumbled to the ground. They continued to laugh even as they hit the grass beneath them. It was only when the laughter ceased that they realized what was going on. There was barely any space between them whatsoever. He was a mere breath away from her. Butterflies flapped furiously in her stomach and the blood rushed straight to her cheeks. In an instant, her breath was taken away.

"Are you-- A-are you o-okay?" he stuttered out, an awkward mess.

"Uh I'm... I'm fine" she got out, just as awkward "We should probably get going?"

"Yeah that's what I was gonna... Get going" he said about to move and get up.

However, before he could, a voice rang out that startled them both "Ewww! Gross!"

Hiccup automatically scrambled off of Astrid, extending a hand to help her up. She quickly took his hand and got up as well whilst the riders simply gawked at them.

"I do NOT want to know what was about to happen" Snotlout said with disgust.

"Nothing was about to happen!" Astrid claimed, cheeks rapidly going scarlet.

"Yeah! We were just talking"

"And that turned into a bit of messing around"

"And that caused me to fall over"

"Which made me fall as well" Astrid finished the explanation frantically.

"Well look at that" Tuffnut yelled excitedly "Hiccy's got game"

"Would you guys please stop calling me that?" Hiccup groaned with frustration "And seriously, nothing was happening"

"And nothing was going to happen" Astrid stated with finality.

"You do know that you're still holding hands, right?" Heather asked with a witty grin.

They looked at their hands and Astrid immediately let go of Hiccup's hand, mourning the loss of her hand in his.

"Would you look at the sky? It's getting late, we should head back to The Edge! Starlight!" She sped away to her dragon.

"Toothless come here bud!" Hiccup went another direction, avoiding everyone's gazes.

Cami surpressed a scream of anger. Why did the gods bring Hiccup and Astrid together like this? And why did it have to be in front of her? If the gods knew that she was trying to give Astrid a chance, why would they test her like this?

Everything went pretty normally after that. Garff had his emotional goodbye with her and Stormfly, and then one with Starlight and Astrid. Things were gradually becoming less awkard but then, on the flight back, Camicazi noticed how Hiccup kept staring at Astrid. Turning around and not so subtly glancing at her. He did it so much he nearly lost his balance on Toothless. Then again, Toothless didn't mind too much, he also wanted to look the dragon who was the object of his affection. If Astrid noticed the staring, she didn't let on. How could she be so calm after what had just happened? If it had been her...

But it wasn't her. It probably never would have been her. It may never be her.

She wanted so badly to believe that they wouldn't have kissed but, with the way she would catch them looking at each other, she wasn't so sure.

**_There will be a bit of back and forth with Cami's decision to try give Astrid a chance. I'm just trying to show her conflicted mindset._****_For those asking about whether or not Astrid will go back to Berk, the answer is yes. I won't say when because I don't want to spoil it, but it's not too far away now._**

**_So the reason you got this early update is because my normal update day will be pretty interesting for me. I'm not sure if any of you remember this but a while back I was in the middle of some pretty stressful exams. And this Thursday I'm getting the results back, so yeah, I'm kind of freaking out about that._**

**_But never fear! The next chapter is being written as we speak! Jealousy ensues, but not in the way you'd think ;)_**

**_Quote from next chapter: _****_"Alright fine, I'm mad, but I'm not sure if I'm mad at you or not. And I probably shouldn't even be mad in the first place so forget it"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	14. Hugs

**_Warning: Once again I don't know if this is needed, but I still want to be safe. Second scene involves implied/referenced homophobia. These are in no way my own views and I've used it simply for story purposes. Please, if anything in the second scene triggers you, skip it and remember that you are loved_**

"You're doing better with Astrid" Hiccup observed as he walked around the Northern Markets with Camicazi.

"I spoke to Heather" Camicazi responded with a casual shrug.

"And that was enough to change your mind? After one conversation? I've been trying for weeks!"

_'Not really'_ Camicazi thought and she wasn't wrong. Aside from the occasional glare when she let out an unintentional insult towards Astrid and the conversation they had all those weeks ago he hadn't tried much to get her to change her mind. Just the odd exclamation. It wasn't his fault, he was just too engrossed with Astrid.

"My mind isn't changed" She told him "I'm still suspicious but... I'm willing to drop it. Heather told me a couple of stories from her time with the hunters that opened my eyes a bit. I guess I do _have _to give her a chance, it wouldn't be fair"

"What kind of stories?"

"I'm surprised Heather or Astrid haven't already told you. It's not actually that important, it just made me realize that I judged her a little quickly."

"Why?"

"It's not my story to tell" she said almost stubbornly "You'll probably find out eventually"

"Yeah you're right" he smiled at her "You're a good teammate Cami. And an even better friend"

_Friend._

One day that word wouldn't hurt so much.

"Hey look there's Astrid!" Hiccup beamed "Hey Astr- who's that guy coming up to her?"

That last part peaked her interest as she turned around "I have no idea"

"He's moving pretty quickly" Hiccup noted curiously "Do you think they know each other?"

"Maybe" she wondered "Maybe he's an ex-hunter, like the other guy"

"I don't know he looks pretty young"

"Astrid's pretty young, she's literally our age. That guy looks about our age."

"Still, something doesn't feel right to me"

They watched as the stranger put his arm on Astrid's shoulder. Hiccup noticed the way she tensed up but when she turned around her posture rapidly deflated. She relaxed into a conversation and Hiccup's chest tightened. Everything looked fairly natural between them. For a brief moment, he wondered how Astrid had taken down her guard so quickly, but he looked at her closely once more and realized that it was still very much up, just loosened slightly. Still, he was surprised at how well they got along.

"It looks like he's excited to see her" The auburn teen observed with a note of jealousy "They must be close"

"I don't know about that. Look at the condition he's in, he'd probably be that excited to see anyone he knew"

Hiccup looked at the young man and realized that Cami was right, this man was in a rather disheveled state. Even from his position in the middle of a crowd he could see the holes, tears and smudges on his clothes. His hair went in every different direction. This person had clearly been through something, and by the looks of it, he wanted Astrid's help.

"Hiccup maybe we should keep looking around" Camicazi suggested.

He nearly agreed, until he saw the girl he was infatuated with place her hand on this random guy's shoulder. Suddenly, he felt a wave of jealousy wash over him along with an overwhelming urge to go to the pair.

"What if we introduced ourselves?" he suggested as casually as he could pull off "Ya know, just say hi"

"And why would he do that?" his friend asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Because..." he trailed off, racking his brain for a reason "It would be a nice thing to do"

"Would it be?" she challenged "We don't need to do it, plus we'd be barging in on what looks like a private conversation"

"I know but..." he sighed.

"No buts Hiccup" Cami said gently "You've gotta let them talk"

"Well we could always stay until they've finished talking"

Hiccup noticed the disapproving look his fellow rider was giving him and shot her a defensive glance in return "What? There's nothing wrong with that"

"You're spying"

"I am not!"

"Yes you are"

"It's not spying" he insisted.

"You're staring at a girl, without her knowing from afar. You're watching all her moves and are now trying to figure out what each one means. What would you call it?"

"I would call it..."

"Spying" she finished for him with a semi-amused smirk.

He crossed his arms, looking away and mumbling "Well when you put it like that..."

"Hiccup, I get that you don't like this. But don't you remember what happened last time we spied on Astrid? How angry she was? How _hurt_ she felt?"

Guilt overtook his system as the memories kept flooding in. He could still remember the sadness written on her face when she thought he didn't trust her. He remembered the conversation they'd had that night when she'd began to forgive him. He was so grateful when the rest of that forgiveness came quickly. The whole situation was just one big misunderstanding, he didn't want it again.

"Do you want to make her feel that way before?"

"No" he gave in with a sigh.

"I know. So let's just-"

"Look at that! Look at how close they are! Why do you they need to be close?! I-is she pulling him in?!" the questions rolled off his tongue one after the other frantically.

"Look at the poor guy, he's bruised all over. Maybe she's getting a better look"

"Yeah I guess that makes sense..." he gave in uneasily "You, you're right, we- we should- oh my gods! They're hugging! He's hugging her! Why isn't she pulling away?!"

"So close" she winced before placing her hands on Hiccup's shoulders "Alright Hiccup, stop. We've both made this mistake before, we were lucky that she forgave us last time. We know how this ends, come on, let's just leave them alone and go back to the riders"

The jealous dragon rider absent-mindedly allowed Cami to pull him away. She was right, spying on Astrid would completely be the wrong move. The simple idea of hurting Astrid made him feel nauseous.

But it also made him nauseous to picture her hugging that random person.

xxxx

Astrid wondered around aimlessly, she'd lost track of the other riders a while back. For people who claimed to be a team, they sure did their own thing a lot. They had all divided into the regular teams, except the twins were accompanied by Snotlout this time. Before she had lost them, she noticed Hiccup and Camicazi going off together. The blonde warrior felt happy for them, really she did, but she also couldn't control the way her heart sank when she saw them so close.

It wasn't exactly jealousy, it wasn't a pleasant feeling, but jealousy just didn't suit correctly. It was more like reality hitting her. Camicazi and Hiccup seemed much more acceptable. She was the person he needed, they'd been together their entire lives, it only made sense. How Hiccup could be so oblivious she had no idea. Surely he would catch on eventually. And when that happened, she would smile and be happy for them. After all; the only thing she wanted was for them to be happy, and in Astrid's mind, they deserved it more than her.

Idly, she stopped at a stand with some weaker paints. Solveig always gave her the very best, but she didn't need that anymore. With her bruises finally fading and the majority of her scars hidden, there were most likely others who needed that paint more.

Just as she picked up the paint a voice from behind startled her.

"Astrid! Thank gods I found you!"

A hand landed on her shoulder and she instantly tensed up. Her first instinct was to turn around and introduce this stranger to her axe but then he stopped being a stranger to her. That voice; slightly awkward, shaky and frankly a bit patheic, she knew that voice.

"Ivar?" she asked turning around.

"Yes! You have no idea how glad I am to have found you"

"Yeah you said that already" she replied uneasily, last time she saw him he was a hunter, she didn't know who was watching.

Then, somewhat unintentionally, she really looked at him. His cheeks were smudged with dirt, clothes were torn in various places, a couple of scratches here and there and a black eye. Questions toppled one over the other in her mind as she took in his appearance.

"What happened to you?" she chose the most obvious question.

"Viggo and Ryker happened" he answered with a grimace.

Viggo and Ryker? But that didn't make sense... He was Olav's son, everyone thought he was untouchable. She knew he was a bad hunter but he must have messed up to another level of bad for this to happen...

"What could you possibly have done to warrant this?" she questioned scanning over his body one more time to make sure she was seeing correctly.

"Well the only thing they actually caused was this" he pointed to his bruised eye with a nervous chuckle "The rest has come from nature"

"You left" she stated, choosing to ignore his obvious avoidance of her original question, he would tell her if he wanted to.

"That I did" he attempted to make his voice less shaky as he mumbled "Though I doubt they would have let me stay after..."

Astrid was not blind to his reluctance and hesitantly placed an awkward hand on his shoulder as a sign of comfort "If you don't want to tell me I won't make you"

"N-no I want to tell you, really" he flashed a tiny smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

She nodded taking her hand off of his shoulder, waiting for him to continue "Whenever your ready"

"The thing is, I was thinking about leaving after you left. I thought it was so admirable how you went in search of a happier life and I wanted the same. So... I got into contact with someone from my life before and started planning it"

"And Viggo and Ryker somehow found out?" Astrid sensed where the story was heading.

"Yeah" he said chillingly "We communicated through terror mail and one unfortunately ended up in the wrong hands"

"How detailed were the plans?"

"Not much, but apparently enough to give it away"

"So if Viggo and Ryker only gave you the black eye, where did everything else come from?"

"Nature" he answered her, pulling a twig out of his hair "A few nights in it certainly takes it's toll"

"Nature? Ivar... Where have you been sleeping?"

"Here. Wherever I can"

In that moment, Astrid felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude overcome her. The gods had given her luck. Had a mere few things gone differently or been mistimed and she would've ended just like Ivar. That feeling coupled with the pity she felt for him nearly made the former hunter queasy.

"What about the person you were contacting before? You could..." she trailed off, realizing the reality "You can't get in contact with them"

"There no terrible terrors around"

"Don't worry, rogue terrors are normally around the markets, you just need to keep an eye out"

"I'm trying. The thing is, we'd arranged a date to meet here but that wasn't for a couple of weeks, I haven't been able to tell them about the change in plans."

"What are you gonna do with your new life?" she asked softly.

His eyes finally became dreamy rather than dreary "We have so many plans. We're going to find a new island with a new community, get a hut, maybe even get married"

"Oh, so you were talking to a girl?"

"N-no, I wasn't" Ivar admitted, cheeks tinted red.

That queasiness in her stomach intensified immensely. He'd been hurt for simply being in love. How messed up was that? Love is something that could never be helped, it's special from person to person. And the fact that those- Those monsters had made it a punishable offense sickened her.

"I'm so sorry" she told him with the utmost sincerity "What's his name?"

"Baldur" he informed her almost immediately, and even she could feel the love radiating off of him "We've known each other our entire lives. Everything was going so well in our relationship until my father-" he stopped abruptly, voice catching in his voice.

"Your father found you two together" Astrid finished for him, feeling it was cruel to make him do so.

"Yes" he nodded "I've never seen him so angry. He started screaming about what a disgrace I was, how I'd brought shame to the family. He hit and kicked me until I could barely move" tears welled in his fragile eyes "He left me in that state for hours, honestly I was in too much pain to fear his return; but when he did, he had a packed bag with him. He said all this stuff about how I needed to be more of a man so I could like girls. That's why I ended up with the hunters"

"I'm guessing those letters had more than just plans in them?" Astrid guessed quietly

"Like I said before, not much, but enough to figure out what was going on"

She nearly cringed imagining their reactions. It can't have been too reasonable. Viggo and Ryker weren't exactly what she'd call open minded.

"Ivar" she began gently "Is that black eye really all they gave you?"

He looked down "No"

She sighed, questioning him further would simply cause unwanted memories to be unnecessarily relived "How did you escape?"

"I took a gronckle that was meant to be auction off the next day. I needed to leave and he... He just looked so scared. He looked about as terrified as I was"

Images of Hiccup flashed through her mind, she remembered how he had expressed a similar sentiment when talking about Toothless.

"What happened to the gronckle?"

"I set him free as soon as we landed here, I didn't want to strand him with me when I had no way of helping him"

"I wouldn't be surprised if he found you" she smiled kindly "That dragon had to have bonded with you to let you ride him. That's unbreakable, it's special, he might want to find you at some point anyway"

"I hope he does one day" he returned her smile for, what felt like, the first time in forever "He was really remarkable"

"They always are once you take the time to see it"

He cleared his throat "How did you do it Astrid? How did you leave and end up so well?"

"Some of it was dumb luck" she told him truthfully "I ran into people who were willing to look after me, I've been with them since"

"I wish I could be that lucky"

"When you see Balgur that luck will follow" something clicked in Astrid's head as she said it "Hang on, if you knew Balgur before, then surely you knew where he lived. Why didn't you go straight to him?"

"My father informed his, and they moved almost immediately. Bulgur never managed to tell me where his new home was. I suppose word moves fast around the Archipelago because he was the one that sent me the first terrible terror"

"I'm surprised they let you talk to him"

"They had no idea about us. My father hadn't told them that detail, he was too ashamed. They thought it was just a friend"

"How will your boyfriend-" she paused "Wait, how comfortable are you with me saying that? If you're trying to keep this a secret I don't want to ex-"

"Astrid it's fine" he interrupted with a chuckle "I'm not really telling people, but then I'm not hiding it either. You can say the word 'boyfriend' if you want, it's actually kind of nice to hear out loud"

"Okay then" she smiled, glad to hear that hint of pride in his voice "How will your boyfriend get here?"

"Probably by boat, but I think I might try and show him how awesome dragons are when he gets here"

"You must be really excited to see him"

"I am" he nodded, eyes glowing before his smile faded slightly "Well... I wish he didn't have to see me like this." He gestured to his black eye and other injuries somewhat downcast "I don't think he'll judge me or anything but..."

She understood perfectly what he meant. Though she did often fear judgement over her scars, it was more than that. There was something shameful about being seen with all the marks. To her, it was like some sort of public acknowledgment that she was weak in the eyes of others. An announcement on her skin that told people she couldn't handle things. It was something she'd spent over a decade learning, and probably something she'd have to spend over another decade unlearning. Astrid took Ivar's chin in her hand and leaned in closer to look at his eye.

"It's not too bad. It'll fade soon, but until then it's nothing a little paint won't hide, it'll still have to be a strong paint though" the ex-hunter said inspecting a little further. She flashed him a small smile "And I might be able to help you with that"

She proceeded to tell him about Solveig. He needed those paints much more than she did and after all he'd been through, he deserved for one thing to be easy. As much as she wanted to take him there herself and say hello to Solveig, the riders were probably waiting for her. Instead she settled for giving him directions, telling him to say that she sent him and to tell Solveig that she said hi.

"Astrid, really, thank you so much" he said to her with copious amounts of sincerity.

"Oh it's no problem" she undermined her own help kindly.

"And thank you for being so... Accepting" he looked at her with a teary smile "This realization about myself was so difficult at first. I didn't even accept it, I was too afraid to. And every person that's found out has hurt me _so bad_" Ivar's voice shrunk "It's been so difficult. There were times when people questioned my value on this earth and I couldn't answer them, because I wasn't sure myself. I wondered if I would ever be happy, or if I even deserved to be happy considering all the shame I was bringing on my family. But you... You just accepting me as I am, it makes me happier than you could ever imagine. Thank you"

He threw his arms around her and Astrid couldn't help but tense up. She still wasn't used to hugging people. At times it felt rather weird and unnatural, like a breach of personal space. Still, she wasn't about to shove him off. Awkardly, she patted his back. It's not that didn't like Ivar, but something about this hug still felt off to her. She knew the protocol, so she responded the way she had learnt to. It all felt slightly robotic on her end.

Finally, he pulled away "I should go find... What did you say his name was? Solveig?"

"Solveig, that's him" she gave a nod of confirmation "I'm sure you'll love him, he's very kind''

"Thank you" he said for what felt like the umpteenth time "Hey, before I go, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure"

"Who were the people that you ended up with?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I should say" she gave him her gentlest smile "Gods forbid this ever happen, but if hunters were to ever find you and asked about me, it would be too big a secret to ask you to keep. I couldn't do that you"

"I guess that's a good reason" he said "Good luck Astrid, maybe we'll see each other again"

"Maybe, I hope the rest of your plans work out, and that you can find that new life. You deserve it Ivar"

He beamed at her one final time before disappearing into the crowd. She looked back at the paint on the stand and a problem popped into her head. There was no way for her to pay for it. It wasn't a huge issue in that moment. She still had enough of Solveig's paints last her a while and she'd find a way to make some runes. Maybe she could trade in her cape. She could probably make another one, she'd thought about it before but making another cloak would've been too risky with the hunters. Viggo had been suspicious at first as to why she had it, she had made up a haphazard excuse about the cold and he had dropped it with a narrowed eye. Still, Astrid rarely wore it as to not evoke any suspicion. Plus she didn't need anyone looking too closely at her cape and seeing the dragon scales.

The sound of the riders' voices took her back to reality. She looked over her shoulder to see them all meeting up. Oh how time had escaped her. She walked over to them and stood next to Heather.

"Hey guys" she greeted with a smile

She heard hellos from all the riders. Excpet for one. Hiccup was only looking at her, but something was different. His expression was almost... Hollow. The look was almost empty and it was near disturbing coming from him.

"Hiccup?" she asked slowly.

"Huh? What? Oh um... Sorry" he replied coming out of his daze.

"You okay?" Astrid asked with a confused gaze.

"Y-yeah I'm... I'm fine"

"Did something happen?"

"You tell me"

"Wha- What?" Astrid asked with undertones of shock.

His eyes widened, but only slightly "Sorry, forget I said that. Let's just go"

She was meant to fly back on Toothless with Hiccup but that didn't feel right anymore. The air between them felt charged with tension and, judging by the looks on everyone else's faces, she wasn't the only one who felt it. Much to her surprise, Camicazi came over to her.

"Ignore him, he's being a bit silly"

"Did I do something?" she asked, almost in a daze.

Astrid saw the clear reservation on Cami's face "I'm not sure. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and saying no. Hiccup's being petty. Believe me, it doesn't matter"

"Should I talk to him? Or-"

"I wouldn't. He needs his time, it won't last forever" the blonde sighed and then continued "If you want, you can ride back with me and Stormfly"

"Really?" She looked at her as if she hadn't heard properly.

"If you want" the girl shrugged.

"T-thank you" she stuttered, it really felt like she was picking that up from Hiccup sometimes.

Being able to ride back with Camicazi felt bittersweet. On the one hand, she was elated that Cami was beginning to drop her cold exterior. It seemed like a step in right direction. However, now her and Hiccup's relationship was regressing. He was angry, it seemed like it was directed at her, but she hadn't the slightest idea why. He was perfectly okay with her before they left, more than. Nothing had happened, at least, not that she knew of. Somewhat desperate, she recalled all the events of the day but she came up blank. All she knew was that she had to fix this, whatever it was.

She just couldn't stand the idea of Hiccup being angry with her.

xxxx

Astrid knocked on the door of Hiccup's hut after a few hours. Clearly he needed time to himself when he got back. Something had upset him, and she was pretty sure it had something to do with her, she just had no idea what. But, whatever it was that caused this rift between them, she needed it to stop. She and Hiccup had developed such a nice repar during her time with the gang, it would be shame if it got spoiled by something she didn't even know about.

He opened the hatch, a brief smile was soon replaced with a vacant stare "What's up Astrid?"

"Are you mad at me or something? Did I do something to you?" Astrid got straight to the point as she followed him into his hunt.

"You haven't done anything to me" he answered plainly.

"But you are mad at me?"

He looked away from her, and that felt like an answer "I knew it. Why are you mad? What did I do?"

"I'm not mad at you"

"Well clearly you are" she countered, frowning

"No, I'm not"

"Hiccup, since we got back from the Northern Markets you've barely looked at, let alone spoken to me. It's hard to believe that you're not mad at me about something"

He looked at her with a steely yet soft gaze "Alright fine, I'm mad, but I'm not sure if I'm mad at you or not. And I probably shouldn't even be mad in the first place so forget it"

"You're mad at me and you don't know if you should be?" Astrid repeated in disbelief "How is that fair? I don't even understand what I did wrong, and I may not have done anything wrong at all? That's ridiculous!"

"It's not like I want to feel this way!" He raised his voice a little, startling Astrid "Do you think I want to be annoyed? Do you think I want to be annoyed with you? Of course I don't! That's the last thing I want! But I can't help it, and I can't control it!"

"Hey, hey it's okay Hiccup, stop" she placed a hand on his chest to placate him and looked into his eyes "Breathe"

Somehow, against all his screaming emotions, he managed to follow her instructions. It felt a tiny bit relieving to take a breath, but the image of Astrid and that guy hugging in his head kept his heart sinking.

"I'm sorry, I'm not used to being angry" he said with a sigh

"It's okay" she smiled warmly "Look, why don't you just tell me what you're mad about and then maybe I can figure out if you should be mad or not"

For the first time in what felt like forever, he looked straight at her "Who was that guy you were talking to?"

Astrid stared at him, surprised at his blunt question, but a familiar feeling of hurt resurfaced "That's what you're upset about? That I was talking to someone?"

"Well he looked like a hunter and I thought you said that-"

"I can't believe you" she shook her head sadly "Haven't we done this before? Have we not had this argument? After all this time, do you still not trust me? I swear Hiccup if you were spying on me again-"

"No! I wasn't spying on you, I promise. Cami and I were walking and we saw you talking to that guy" he explained, but his tone grew bitter towards the end.

"Then why did you make the point that he looked like a hunter?"

"Because, by the sounds of it, you didn't exactly leave on good terms with the hunters. And you guys" Hiccup looked away from her "You looked pretty close"

Astrid sighed and walked to his other side, making him look at her "We're not that close. It was just... Special circumstances"

He threw a questioning look her way "What do you mean?"

"His name's Ivar. We've never been close, even though he was the closest to my age with the hunters. He's a truly terrible hunter, and he knows that. So he left. All he wanted some advice, so I gave it to him"

"How come we've never heard his name before then?" he pressed.

"Because it was none of your business!" she exclaimed "It's still none of your business. And like I said we weren't close, he wasn't important! We were just talking, I don't see why you're so concerned"

"It was just-"

"It was just what?" Astrid glared "Sketchy? Odd? Suspicious?"

"Alright fine!" he gave in exasperated "It seemed a little, I don't know, off. You two did seem awfully buddy buddy to me. It didn't add up"

"Oh my gods! We're not buddy buddy!"

"But why did you grab his chin then? And the hug?" He asked sceptically.

"I really don't see why this matters" she muttered, shaking her head "I grabbed his chin to inspect a black eye he had and tell him where to get the paints for it. And Ivar was telling me about his-" she nearly exposed his backstory but refrained, it wasn't her story to tell "His situation. It was an emotional thing for him, I wasn't about to shove him off and let him suffer"

"I still don't see what was so emotional that you needed to hug him over it" Hiccup grumbled, though it was not lost upon Astrid's ears.

"I'm not going to explain that to you!" she seethed, fuming "It's not my story to tell, nor is it yours to know! Assumptions are dangerous Hiccup, don't go throwing them around with nothing to back them up. Just because you don't know what we were talking about, doesn't mean it wasn't emotional! This may surprise you, but you're not the only person in the archipelago with a sad history!"

Astrid stopped at that last snappy comment. It was too far and she knew it. His past was something he struggled to open up about and she had seen that first hand. Same with Ivar. She just couldn't stand when false assumptions were made. Still, to generalize and undermine one person's past in order to defend another, that was wrong no matter the reason. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When her eyes opened, she looked at Hiccup apologetically.

"I'm sorry" she told him quietly "I didn't mean that last part the way it came out"

"It's okay" he responded, just as meek "I didn't mean to assume either, I spoke without thinking"

Silence consumed the room until Astrid broke it with something she felt she needed to clarify.

"For the record, he hugged me. Though I didn't particularly like it"

"You didn't?" Hiccup repeated, hiding any small joy he felt.

"Not really. I'm not sure I like the whole hugging thing in general to be honest" Astrid confessed, almost appearing uncomfortable.

"Oh" he deflated slightly, he quite liked their hugs.

"I don't know, maybe it's something I just need to get used to, I didn't exactly grow up with a ton of physical affection" the blonde warrior attempted to joke.

"You and me both" he followed, but everything felt sad. Quickly, he cleared his throat "That man, Ivar, he looked quite young, I was under the impression that you didn't have anyone your age around until Heather"

"He's not my age. He's closer to Dagur's age, even if that's still quite close to mine. And until Heather I didn't have anyone my age. Ivar hasn't been around very long, maybe a year"

"But if he was such a terrible hunter, why did he stay?"

"He's weak, his hunting skills are about as good as Snotlout's modesty. His father Olav has worked with the hunters for years. It was kind of like a deal. Olav helps the hunters, gives advice and dragons and stuff, and in return he sends Ivar to them to help him become 'more of a man' in his father's words. Because his dad was so crucial to the operation I guess they considered him to be untouchable, but they snapped. It's not like he got that black eye alone" she shuddered at her own memories.

"And he wanted advice on how to go back and face them?"

"No. He packed his bags and left. His dad didn't know he made that decision and if he finds him, he'll be furious. He's found a person to stay with so he should be fine on that front. But he wanted to know how emotional it'll be for next few weeks and what to prepare for."

Guilt slowly simmered within Hiccup. This guy didn't fit in with his environment and didn't feel comfortable with his surroundings. He wasn't accepted by his society, not even his father. This was a man who felt so suffocated by his situation he had to leave it. A mere few years ago, that had almost been him.

"Who he is staying with?" he asked in a calmer tone.

"His boyfriend, I think" Astrid replied casually. Ivar had said himself that he wasn't ashamed, and it's not like he had a reason to be, it was perfectly natural.

"B-boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he's fairly open about it now he's away from the hunters and his family, I'm happy for him"

So Hiccup really didn't have any reason to be jealous then...

Oh gods, what a fool he was.

"Astrid I'm sorry" he apologized with a grimace "I shouldn't have gotten mad"

"Why were you even mad anyway? You still haven't told me"

"It doesn't matter, I was being silly-"

"You probably were being silly" she interrupted, crossing her arms stubbornly "But I think that's for me to judge"

"It's not important, really-"

"It's important to me" Astrid frowned "If it involves me, I want to know"

"Fine" he relented with a hint of exasperation "Seeing you with him bothered me"

"O-oh" that was not what she was expecting to hear.

It bothered him? What did that even mean? Bothered him how? Why would he care if she spoke to someone else? Could he have been...

Jealous?

No, no, that's ridiculous. He wasn't jealous, bothered doesn't exactly mean the same thing as jealousy. It could have been a number of reasons like...

"I'm not used to seeing you close to people that aren't the riders. I wasn't expecting it, I guess" he rubbed the back of his neck awkardly.

Right, not jealousy, surprise. That makes sense. Yeah, no, it definitely makes sense.

"That's fair. I wasn't lying when I said I'm not close with any of the hunters. Maybe me leaving made people realize stuff, I'm not sure. I might see other ex hunters in the future, we'll just have to wait and see"

"Be careful Astrid" he warned lightly "You never know, Viggo and Ryker could just be putting someone up to it to get information out of you"

"You really think I wouldn't think of that?" she answered with a smirk "Ivar is a pretty genuine guy, but I still didn't tell him about you guys to be safe. I have pretty good instincts about that stuff"

Hiccup seemed content with that response "As long as you know what you're doing"

She winked "I always know what I'm doing"

"That you do" he chuckled.

"So you need to trust me" her face grew more serious "Hiccup, this is the second time we've argued because you thought something about me without talking to me about it. Things can't go on like that." he went to speak but she wouldn't let him "The hunters made assumptions about me all the time, and even though some of them were true, it still affected me. Those guesses caused them to make decisions about me, for me, and I never knew. I can't keep doing it. Because I've done it before; I've done it my whole life, and you know what after 18 years, I don't want to do it anymore"

"You won't have to"

"I won't if you tell me what's going on" she replied "If something going on and it has anything to do with me, anything at all, I need to know about it. I can help you, but only as much as you allow me to. If you never tell me then we'll never know how I could help. I need to know" she paused and when he looked at her he saw the fractured gaze in her eyes that would be hidden to anyone else "I'm tired of being in the dark in my own life"

"I promise Astrid, I'll tell if something's going on. I'm sorry, my emotions got the better of me"

"It's alright, happens to the best of us" her smile finally returned and this time it was Hiccup's butterflies acting up "As long as you know what to do next time, we're good"

"So you forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive, emotions are uncontrollable"

He returned her smile before growing anxious "Hey um, did you- did you mean that stuff you said about not liking hugs"

"Yup. I'm not completely opposed to hugs or anything but I don't particularly like them either"

"Right, right, just wanted to, ya know, check and make sure" he attempted to play it off casually.

She laughed a little and gave a small shake of the head "Well I'm glad we sorted that out. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah" he disguised his despair with cheer "See you later"

She nodded and left his hut. His eyes followed her as she left and drifted down to the floor. He had always liked their hugs. He liked how much happier they made him. He liked how natural their hugs felt, how she moulded into him perfectly. He liked the way it made him feel. The electricity that rushed through his veins with her contact. Hiccup had always hoped that they meant something to her, but apparently not.

His thoughts were interrupted as Astrid walked back into his hut. He stared at her wordlessly as she approached him. After a moment's hesitation, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"I like your hugs" she said softly.

After a few seconds, he felt the grip loosen. It was only then when he realized that he hadn't responded. Just as she was about to let go he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back to him.

"I like your hugs too" he replied gently after a moment of silence.

Her grip on him tightened in the most minuscule way but he still noticed. This time it was his butterflies that were acting up. They flapped around his stomach in the best and worst way possible. He was always nervous around her but then she also made him feel so comfortable. Around her, he could always be himself. She knew almost everything about him, things that even Camicazi didn't know.

He never felt ashamed of his past, per say, he iust never liked it very much. Hiccup didn't like to talk about it much, who would really want to let it be known that they were a runt? And of course the riders knew of his past, but they never brought it up. Maybe it was out of respect, or maybe it just didn't really come up naturally. Of course they made fun of his missing foot, but that didn't bother him, not really. It was irritating at times but he never truly got angry with it. It was the past treatment that hurt him. Everyone, even Snotlout, knew that to bring it up would be going too far. He didn't even resent his past, it's not like it could be changed either way. He just didn't like it.

And then Astrid came.

She showed him what it meant to accept the past. Much like him, she didn't like her past either. It was a history of fighting for the wrong side, and being mistreates whilst doing so. Somehow, she'd turned it into a good thing. He'd never thought about the influence his past had had on him. She knew his past and made him feel proud of it, all of it. That had never happened with anyone before. Astrid made him better.

Feeling an overwhelming wave of gratitude for her, he held her closer and buried his face in her shoulder, savouring her scent.

_'Gods, I wish I could tell you everything I think about you'_

**_It was kind of funny seeing you guys say it was Camicazi saying that quote, and I totally get it, but hopefully you liked third version too. We never really got a jealouscup so I kinda just went with an instinct, I may have got it wrong, I don't know._**

**_Next chapter is the first of a two parter whaaaat?_**

**_Expect the unexpected, that's all I'm gonna say._**

**_Quote from next chapter: "Everything will work out the way it's meant to"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	15. One Step Back part 1

"Another one's gone" Ryker's thick accent rang clear though Viggo's office.

Viggo stood by a Maces and Talons board, a contemplative look plastered on his face. He was still, too still. It could almost be perceived as frozen. But no, not quite. He broke out of his near statue stature to acknowledge his brother. Not fully. Only a turn of the head, slow, calculated and enough to strike fear into most people. Viggo was a man who's mind never slept, if he wasn't doing something, he was most certainly planning it.

"Who is it this time?" he asked with disinterest.

"Gunnar"

"Pity" Viggo said quietly, as if he was spacing out "He was one of the good ones"

"How are you calm about this Viggo?!" the brutish brother asked, voice tinged with irritation "We're losing hunters left and right"

"We're losing them _temporarily"_

"We're still losing them! Our operation is falling apart!"

"So you say"

"This is all that Astrid girl's fault. She's started some sort of... Rebel thing!"

"That may be the case, at least we're seeing people's true colours"

"Viggo I swear-"

"You overestimate their strength. They won't last in the real world, they'll come back"

"This is all that Astrid girl's fault! If we'd just gotten rid of her when we had the chance then none of this would've happened!"

"Perhaps" Viggo contemplated

"Why couldn't we have just killed her but you _insisted _that she would be helpful and look where it got us!"

"She will be helpful to us one day. Astrid just needs to learn"

"Learn what? About Berk? Her family?".

"As if she could find out about them" he scoffed, feeling slight resentment.

"Well what if she manages to find the riders and-"

"She wouldn't" he cut his brother off sharply "Astrid wouldn't dare betray us like that"

Astrid had been with them since she was a baby. She'd shown great potential when she was a young child. She was doing everything she could, training constantly, always trying to find new ways to capture dragons, forever seeking their approval. Truth be told, he did approve of her to some extent. Except he would never tell her that. If she knew that, she would get what she wanted and stop trying. That young fierce warrior would stop striving for perfection. So he took his pride in her and dangled it above her as though it were a fish to a dragon. He couldn't say that he felt guilty about it, all he wanted was what was best for her.

It was amusing in some ways. Watching Astrid try endlessly to gain something she already had. He had to keep her in her place, which was just below where she wanted to be. She was not his daughter and she never would be, family was a liability. He could deal with having his around because Ryker provided physical attributes that he could not. He had all the family he needed, Astrid provided nothing that the two Grimborn brothers didn't already contribute. She was not needed, but good to have around. That's just the way it was.

And yet, when she left it hurt. Not in the way a major injury would hurt. A little sting, an ache that's too uncomfortable to pain and yet too painful to be plain discomfort. It was surprising when she escapes, though it really shouldn't have been. Astrid loved dragons, that was a well known fact. It seemed wasteful to send her away after so many years and they did take on a lot of wounded dragons that were useless in auctions. He kept her around, despite the protests from everyone else. When she ran he should've felt shame, in her, himself, but that never happened.

"Well what do you think will happen? She'll come back to us?" he asked rhetorically

"I don't think, I know" he replied with the utmost confidence.

With a bitter laugh of disbelief he barked out "Yer losing it Viggo"

"You may believe that, but I'm right about this. She will come back to us"

"And how are you so sure?"

"Loyalty" he stated simply.

He knew Astrid was a loyal person, she always had been. Once she devoted herself to something or someone she took it seriously. Her commitment had never been fleeting, no matter what the situation was. And whilst that had been problematic with her loyalty to dragons, overall he had seen it as a positive quality. Astrid was loyal to him and his brother, whether she liked it or not.

Her compassion held her back from being the ruthless master he saw in her, but right now that wasn't a bad thing. Her emotion fueled thoughts would eventually lead to guilt. Whether that be for her ungrateful behaviour or for her betrayal it wouldn't matter, everything would lead her back to the same conclusion.

She had to come back.

With the hunters she was protected in a lot of ways. His treatment of her was not always the best but in the real world it could be much worse. Astrid, whilst skilled, was naieve and would not last on her own, she'd never been alone before. She had no reason to go to Berk so it's not as though she'd find her real family. And even if she did somehow end up there, she had no way of knowing her family was there. But she would never be there. The only way that would happen would be if she was with the riders and that wouldn't- _couldn't _happen.

Now he was fully turned and facing his brother "She will be with us again"

"And why would we want that little traitor back?" Ryker asked in an agitated manner.

"Because by the time she comes back she won't be a traitor, she'll have learnt the truth"

Astrid would come back to them, one way or the other. And if she didn't, he would make sure she did.

"I want you to put all our guards on the left side entrance. I noticed that one of the riders was missing during a significant period time on the last visit. It'll need more attention. And I think they'll come here soon, given all the fleets they've been visiting recently"

"Are ye sure Viggo?"

"I'm always sure"

"This better work"

He shot his brother a scarily placid smile "Trust me brother. Everything will work out the way it's meant to"

xxxx

"Morning everyone!" Astrid exclaimed strolling into the clubhouse.

She received a chorus of 'morning' and 'hey' s from everyone as she approached the gang.

"Astrid here I uh... I saved you a seat" Hiccup gestured to the empty space next to him with a small blush.

"Oh um, thanks Hiccup" she smiled sitting down, completely not used to this behaviour.

With the hunters every room was always so crowded. There was no such thing as 'saving seats'. You fought for your spot, and if you lost you stood. Simple as that. Of course with the riders it was much easier, there tended to be free spots quite often. But having somebody specifically wait for her and make sure they could sit together was uncharted territory for her. Not to say she didn't like it, she just wasn't very familiar with it yet.

As soon as she sat down a sharp pain shot up her spine. Quietly, Astrid let out a small hiss. Except it wasn't as quiet as she thought she was. Everyone looked at her, some with concern, others curiosity, and some with a bit of a dumbfounded look.

"You alright A?" Tuffnut asked.

Astrid looked around, trying to figure out who 'A' was, until Hiccup nudged her and it hit her.

"A is me?" she questioned.

"Yup, haven't you had a nickname"

"People have called me names, but I wouldn't exactly call those nicknames" Astrid chuckled a little uneasily.

Tuffnut seemed to not notice this and continued "Well now you have one! I must say, I'm honoured to give you your first nickname! Get used to it A, because you will be hearing that name a lot in the future!"

"Noted" she said with a bit more of a genuine laugh.

"Seriously" Hiccup cut in and put a hand on her shoulder "Are you okay?"

The concern in his eyes, his voice, it still threw Astrid in some ways. She wasn't used to people actually caring about her. Or at least, she wasn't used to people showing that they cared about her.

"I'm fine" she reassured him "My back has been acting up a little bit recently, I'm sure it's nothing"

"Maybe you've been sleeping in an odd position?" Fishlegs chimed in.

"Or it could be the stable floor" Heather added

"Maybe it's time you moved out of the stables" Hiccup suggested "We could start building you a hut"

"I don't want my own hut" Astrid said quickly, wanting to shut that idea down before it turned into anything.

"W-why not?" Hiccup frowned slightly

"What I meant was that I don't want my own hut right now" she rushed to amend her statement before Hiccup's feelings got hurt "Nothing's decided yet, I don't want you guys to go to all that trouble for me"

"It wouldn't be any trouble" the leader said kindly before sighing "But I do see your point, if you were to" he paused briefly "If you were to leave, the hut taylored to your specific needs wouldn't make much sense"

"Well what about a guest hut then?" Heather suggested "That empty space near your hut needs to be used for something"

Memories flashed through Astrid's mind. Her and Hiccup had talked about that on her first day at the Edge. When the mention of a guest hut had come up she'd never thought she'd be the guest. In the beginning Astrid was sure that she would leave after a day or two. Now she had been here for Thor knows how long. She knew it had been months, plural. She just couldn't remember exactly how many months it was.

"You could do that. But I still think an armoury would be good there" Astrid replied, which prompted a small chuckle from Hiccup.

"Of course you're still saying that"

"I like my weapons!" she exclaimed in joke defense.

"I know, I know" he laughed "But in this case, I think a guest hut might make more sense"

"Your loss" she shrugged.

"Then it's settled. We'll start building a guest hut" Hiccup smiled "But until then why don't you move out of the stables and into Ca-"

Camicazi could sense where this conversation was going and decided to cut in "I don't think that's necessary. Her bad back may not even be from the stable floor anyway. Think about it, we all sleep on wood and we don't get bad backs"

"Well actually I've had a few back aches before" Fishlegs confessed, earning a glare from Cami "What? Wood isn't exactly comfortable"

"I've never had any back pains before, but then again I am the strongest one here" Snotlout winked at Astrid.

The twins burst into a fit of laughter "You? The strongest? As if!" Ruffnut exclaimed.

Snotlout looked away grimacing "Shut up Ruffnut"

"Anyways, all I'm saying is that it may not be stables, so she may not have to leave them" the blonde concluded.

Hiccup shot his friend an exasperated look that screamed _'Seriously?'_

Even though a small part of her felt a little guilty, she couldn't say that she regretted acting that way. She didn't want to be forced to share with Astrid. Despite the fact that she was slowly warming up to this guest, her fears weren't entirely settled. There were still parts of her that had doubts, questions and reservations. Not to mention that she was still trying to control her jealousy.

Now that was the hardest part for her, the jealousy. Hiccup and Astrid kept having these cute little moments and it was driving her insane. She was partially irritated because she wanted to be the one having the moment with her crush, but also because even she had to admit that they looked nice together, and she hated it. He was so head over heels for this new comer and she barely registered it. Or, at least, if she did register it she didn't show it. This envy still made Camicazi resent Astrid in some ways, which in turned made her dislike the idea of sharing a hut with her.

"Camicazi's right" Astrid agreed "It may not be the stables. For all I know it's just an old bruise from the hunters that's causing the problem, it's probably nothing"

"If it's causing you pain it's not nothing" Hiccup replied automatically "But I see your point. Why don't you give it a few days and see if it gets better?"

"That's my plan" she told him "And I appreciate you wanting to make me my own hut but-"

"No, don't worry, I get it" Hiccup smiled, but she could see the small traces of sadness in it.

Wanting to lift his spirits, she placed a hand on his shoulder with a tender smile of her own "Hey, if I ever do decide that I want my own hut, you'll be the first to know"

That seemed to do the trick "Good to know"

"And for the record" she smirked "If anyone's building my hut, it'll be me"

"I wouldn't expect anything else" he replied.

"So anyways" Astrid turned to the others "What's the plan for the day?"

"We were actually going to head over to Viggo's base again" Fishlegs told her.

"Really?" Astrid blinked "Why? Why not go for a fleet?"

"They hold more dragons at the base" Camicazi explained "Since we've been relocating more dragons recently we have more room for them"

"Plus Viggo and Ryker are probably harsher with those dragons so it's more urgent to save them" Heather continued.

"I suppose that makes sense. How do you plan to get in?"

"The sides, nobody knows that we know about them yet"

"Yeah, unless they do know. In which case-" Tuffnut began.

"They wouldn't know that we know, they know, we know" his twin cut in.

"Ruffnut, that was my line" He stated coldly but dramatically

"Uh... Yeah, no, you completely lost me there" Astrid admitted replaying the sentence in her head.

"I think they lost all of us" Hiccup said as everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Well we know what we mean!" The pair said in unison.

"Right..." Hiccup turned his attention back to Astrid "Do you think going in though the sides is a good idea?"

"Are all of you going?"

"Yeah, all of us. We'll probably split so some of us go on each side"

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea"

"Really? Why's that?" he asked curiously.

"Viggo and Ryker don't have many guards at the base because they're mostly on the fleets. Plus they barely puts any guards on the sides because they think nobody knows about them. It might make more sense to overpower one side rather than equally ma-"

"Match both sides. That's what I've been saying guys" Snotlout finished smugly, walking over to Astrid and putting his arm around her.

Astrid simply glared and flipped him over her shoulder "I will knock you out again"

Hiccup couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face.

"I see your point but what if the guards from the other side just come over and overpower us instead?" the auburn leader questioned.

"That's the nice thing about side entrances. They're on _opposite _sides. Your fighting skills are good, by the time they come over to help you'll have beaten the first set of guards"

"That's a good idea" Camicazi, much to everyone else's surprise "We should do it"

"I guess it's settled then" Heather concluded "We should probably get ourselves and our dragons ready"

"Well it goes without saying that I'll have to stay behind, but I'm sure you guys will be great. And before you go" she thrust her map of the base into Hiccup's hands "In case you want to look over anything before you go"

Without thinking, he held onto her hand "Thanks"

Astrid smiled at him for a few seconds, but quickly stopped herself, not allowing herself to get lost in his eyes.

"It's no problem, really" she looked down awkwardly "You can uh... You can let go of my hand now"

"What? Oh yeah, sorry" he let go her hand, but immediately missed the contact. Maybe he was imagining it but, for a brief second, he saw that sentiment on her face too "I should get Toothless ready"

"Mhm. Yup"

"Yup"

"Right"

"Right"

They looked at each other for another few seconds before Astrid walked away quickly "Good luck everyone!"

Hiccup smiled at his hand.

Camicazi scowled at the back of his head.

xxxx

"Can I ask you something?" Hiccup asked, flying beside Camicazi.

"You already did" she laughed lightly in response "But yeah, go ahead"

"Back at the edge, what was that about?"

"What was about?" the blonde rider asked, genuinely perplexed.

"When I suggested Astrid going into your hut, you were really against it. I thought things were getting better between you two. Why did you hate it so much?"

"I didn't hate it" she corrected "I just didn't love the idea"

"That's basically the same thing" he grimaced "

"Debatable. There is a lot of space between 'hate' and 'don't love'. It's where Snotlout and the twins fall"

"Cami" he said, his voice a mix of amusement and exasperation "You're stalling"

"I am not. I think I would kow if I was stalling."

"Apparently you wouldn't. Come on Camicazi, I'm your best friend. You can tell me"

_'Your so much more than that to me, and that's the reason I can't tell you'_

"I just wasn't ready. Sharing a hut feels like another level of acceptance that I haven't quite reached yet."

"What more can she do for you to reach that level?"

"That's the thing, I'm not sure" she shrugged but rushed to speak before Hiccup got the chance "And yes I know how unfair that sounds, but something's just... Missing"

He sighed sadly "Well whatever is missing, I hope you find it soon"

And with that he flew forward. Camicazi let out a sigh of her own. She flew towards Heather.

"You don't think he's mad, do you?"

Heather cautiously looked at their leader, and then back at her "I don't think he's mad"

"But he's definitely not happy"

"More or less"

"But why? I'm getting better, aren't I?"

"Most of the time yeah" Heather told her "He's just sad. Your one of his closest friends, of course he cares what you think"

Cami shifted a little uncomfortably "I guess that makes sense"

"Don't worry too much" the raven haired rider reassured "You're warming up to her, that's more than enough for now"

"I just wish he would see it that way"

"That's the thing, I think he does see it that way" she bit her lip.

"What do you mean?" Cami asked confused.

"You are doing more than what he asked of you. Basically all he asked you to do was to not insult Astrid and to try give her more of a chance, which you and more. When Hiccup got mad at Astrid, _you_ comforted her. You've actually been quite nice to her when you didn't always need to be. You've done more than enough, he just wants you to do more"

"That's not really fair to me though" she frowned slightly

"Which is why he isn't forcing you. He wasn't pressuring you just then, I think he was just curious"

"No, I know that." Camicazi noticed the base was getting closer "Maybe when this is all over I'll have another conversation with Astrid, see what happens"

"Now that sounds like a good idea to me" Heather flashed a friendly smile.

"Hey guys" Hiccup beckoned them over "Let's look at the map one last time before we go in"

The riders all nodded and headed into the clouds. Once everyone was surrounding Hiccup he pulled out the map Astrid gave him.

"Astrid marked out the side entrances for us and we know we only want to go through one entrance. We'll be going through this entrance" he pointed to an 'X' on the left side of the map "That's the entrance Ruffnut found, it's the one we know the most about it. Is everyone clear on what we do once we're in?"

"Yup! Get in, cause tons of chaos and free the dragons!"

"Aside from that last part you could not be further from right" he shook his head "Once we're in, beat the guards and keep a low profile. Don't draw any attention to yourself and get as many dragons out as possible"

They all nodded once more and went back down. They approached their target when the entrance opened suddenly, revealing _tons_ of hunters. Many, many more than they expected. All smiling smugly, knowing they had the riders outnumbered.

"Hiccup..." Camicazi said with a hint of nervousness

"Okay, yeah, this is bad. But we have to keep going!"

Soon it was chaos. Bolas flying everywhere, leaving a trail of injured dragons in it's wake. There were more hunters than they could handle. Barely any dragons were freed. The riders just barely scraped by without being captured.

Rage flowed through Camicazi's veins like a river.

_They had failed__._

**_Sooooo... Long time no see._**

**_Look I'm sorry you guys, I'm trying. A lot has happened in the past month. I'm adjusting to a new school situation and the work is much more intense which means it's a lot harder to keep up with. I'm in my school play so that takes up time too. And more recently something happened in my personal life that left me shaken up and I've been trying to deal with those feelings. Balancing writing on top of that is a struggle._**

**_I'll try not to keep you guys waiting more than a month but I can't say what will happen. Obviously the next chapter will be up sooner since this it's the second part to this chapter. Once again, I'm sorry for taking so long. I'll try to do better in the future, but I can't promise anything. I'll do my best._**

**_Quote from next chapter: "I'm a strong person, I always have been, but I still have my weaknesses. Not that I would ever tell anyone that"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	16. And One Step Forwards part 2

"YOU!" Camicazi screamed angrily at Astrid as they all landed.

The girl only stared, surprised by the entrance "W-what?"

"This is all your fault!" she seethed storming over

"W-what's my fault? What happened?" Astrid stuttered.

"The mission-" Hiccup began but was cut off by his much angrier fellow rider.

"The mission failed! The hunters completely outnumbered us! It was like they knew we were going to be there. Isn't that funny?" she said with narrowed eyes pointed straight at Astrid.

"No Camicazi I didn't-"

"As if I'm going to believe you! How else would Viggo know to put all the hunters on one side, huh?!"

"I-I don't know but-"

"Stormfly got hurt because of you! She could barely fly back, I think she sprained her wing! She got hit by a bola, all because we followed your advice!"

"I can help you improve Stormfly's speed. Chicken can help a nadder's speed and-"

"NO! What happened wasn't her fault! So don't blame her for it!"

"I wasn't trying to" the ex-hunter said quickly "I was just-"

"I don't care! We never should've listened to you! For Thor's sake you shouldn't even be here! Weren't you only meant to stay a few days?!"

"Cami enough" Heather said stepping forward

"What, am I lying?" she asked sarcastically before turning back to Astrid "You said you'd be gone within a couple of days, and yet, months later you're still here. Why?!"

"I- I don't-"

The angry blonde began walking towards to her target, who was in turn walking backwards "You should've left ages ago! And if it weren't for Hiccup and Heather you would have! Gods, I wish you would have. Our lives would be so much easier now if you had" she snarled.

"Hey... C this isn't cool, you should-" Tuffnut attempted to say in an oddly serious way.

"Oh I'm not trying to be cool!" she fumed taking another aggressive step, pointing at Astrid "We had a good thing before you came along! Everyone knew what they were doing and it all worked. Then YOU came and messed everything up! Only one thing's gone right since you got here!"

"Hey that's not true and you know it!" Hiccup spoke up.

"Do I?!" she exclaimed with fury "Think about it. Our trip to Viggo's was good but what else?! The only other thing's she's been doing is getting mad at us when she meets up with hunters!"

"I-"

"You really were meeting with them weren't you?!"

"No! Of course not-"

"Of course you'd say that! What were you telling them huh?! How else were you keeping in touch?! Terror mail?!"

"I wasn't keeping in touch with anyone!" Astrid pleaded desperately.

"Yeah right! Like I'm going to believe anything you say!"

"But I-"

"But nothing!" Camicazi snapped, fire blazing in her eyes "How did you know to tell them today?!"

"I didn't do a-"

"How long have you been communicating with them?!"

"I ha-"

"Did you think we were idiots or something?!"

"Camicazi stop!" Hiccup yelled in the sternest voice she'd ever heard him use.

"No! Why should I?!" She seethed "Open your eyes Hiccup! She does wrong things and makes us feel bad about it! She's a master manipulator! She's nothing but a hunter"

"No she's not!" Hiccup defended but it fell upon deaf ears.

The steps began again "I don't like you"

Another step "I don't think you should be here"

One more step "I want you to leave. You've been here long enough!"

Astrid, feeling overwhelmed, stumbled to the floor. She looked around at all the faces staring back at her, pity plastered onto each one. Except Camicazi's. Her face held pure anger and contempt. All directed at her. Astrid's stomach knotted up at record speed. Never, in all her time with the riders, had she felt so truly different from them. Of course she knew they weren't exactly similar in every way, and naturally that thought had plagued her mind a few times, but never as much as it did in that moment. Maybe her history was too big to overlook. Maybe this was a mistake.

"Do you honestly think you deserve to be here?" Camicazi asked her final question in a calm but cold manner.

From the corner of her eye, Astrid saw Hiccup moving to help her up. She quickly got to her feet before he reached her. She stood up, eyes downcast. Somehow the idea of looking any of them in the eye was too daunting.

"No. I don't think I deserve to be here. I'm sorry that the plan failed, but I didn't talk to anyone. That's the truth, whether you believe me or not" she attempted to look up again but their faces were too much for her to bare "I-I should go"

"Astrid wait!"

But she was leaving as fast as her feet would take her. Camicazi felt some sort of twisted satisfaction watching her flee. In some ways, it was a victory to her. She'd been wanting to say those words practically since Astrid had first arrived, at least the failed mission had given her the opportunity. Perhaps her slight pleasure in the situation was cruel, but Cami pushed that wonder away. It's not like she could take her words back, what's done is done. However, any traces of joy she felt were diminished when Hiccup looked at her.

"What were you thinking?! How could you say that stuff to her?!"

"Why are you mad at me?!" Cami asked angrily "She's the one you should be mad at! She lied to you Hiccup, to all of us!"

"No she didn't!''

"So you believe her?! Just like that?!"

"Yes I do! I know her and I know she wouldn't betray us like that!"

Camicazi couldn't suppress her scoff "You don't know her, not really, it's only been a few months''

"Oh but you know her well enough to make that accusation?" he fired back bitterly "Camicazi, the only times you've really spoken to her is to insult or question her"

"Hey that's not true!" she said defensively "I apologized to her, for no good reason now. Do you think that was easy for me?"

"I know you struggled with that Cami" he lost his anger for a moment before it returned rapidly "But that doesn't excuse the way you behaved just now!"

"I was right!" she persisted stubbornly.

"Look around Cami" his voice had now lost it's edge, but held a more worn out quality "Does anyone else think your right?"

And when she did she saw it. She noticed the looks of disappointment, disapproval and general discomfort about what had happened. Nobody was by her side. She truly was standing alone.

"Do you really think the thought never occured to me? That Astrid might have had something to do with today?" The quiet fury was somehow worse than yelling "Of course it did. But, despite what you think, I do know her. She is one of the kindest, caring, most compassionate people I've ever met. She would never betray us. I can say that with absolute confidence. I trust her"

"Oh so you don't trust me?" she shot back.

His lips pressed into a thin line "Right now, I don't"

That comment made her freeze. How could Hiccup say that to her? How could be so calm about it?

He headed for the exit as Cami called after him "Where are you going?"

"To talk to Astrid, and to stop her from leaving"

"Hiccup..." the blonde rider began, her own fierce spirit fading into exhaustion "We've been best friends our entire lives, why can't you just believe me on this?"

"Because you're being unfair" he answered automatically "And right now this mean, interrogative version of you... That's not my best friend"

Now it was Camicazi's turn to stagger backwards. It was as if his words had physically formed a dagger and lunged straight at her. The waves of shock and hurt rippled straight to her core. How could he say that to her?

"I tried to warn you Cami, not cool" Tuffnut said in a scolding tone.

"Not cool at all" his female counterpart agreed.

"You two as well?" she groaned "Do all of you think she's innocent?"

Her question was met with silence, which was enough to see where they stood. She hid her despair of everybody being against her and covered it up with frustration.

"How has she managed to brainwash all of you?!"

Heather stepped forward with an irritated but soft stare "Nobody's brainwashed us. We're just believing the person that's behaving rationally"

"Let me guess, you're going to talk to her too?" Camicazi asked as her friend moved past her.

"Yes, I am. She needs to know that Hiccup's not the only one that wants her to stay" Heather answered turning back to her "You know, if that had been Hiccup's plan that had failed you wouldn't have been anywhere near as tough as you were with Astrid"

As Heather left she turned to everyone else "Fishlegs?"

"I see your logic Cami" he said quietly "I just don't agree with you"

"Snotlout?" she asked, tone verging on desperation.

"Sorry" he replied with a grimace "But even I know you messed that up"

He didn't even call her babe, that's how she knew Snotlout was being serious. One by one they began to leave her.

"So you're all going to talk to her now?"

"No" The stocky blonde answered her "We don't want to overwhelm her, she's been through enough today and-"

"Wait, she's been through enough?!" something about that phrase lit a fire of rage in Cami that she didn't know was there "We're the ones who had our butts kicked by the hunters! My dragon is the one that got hurt! Today completely set us a back more than a few steps! I hurt her feelings and she's been through a lot?!"

"We're a team, we can come back from this and I think you know that" Fish told her "Stormfly's wing will get better and pretty soon she'll be able to fly like nothing happened..."

"But?" she sensed that the sentence wasn't over, which she was right about.

"You hurt her feelings and-"

"Feelings don't heal like dragon wings" Tuffnut spoke up

Everyone turned to him in both surprise and confusion.

"What? I can be insightful"

"The man has a way with words" Ruff piped up, standing next to him.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Tuffnut actually said it better than me" Fishlegs muttered

Camicazi simply crossed her arms and looked away stubbornly. Something dangerously close to shame was overtaking her system but she would never admit that.

"Just think about it, okay?"

And then the rider was left alone. They had all chosen Astrid over her. After everything they'd been through together, they were still taking this stranger's side...

Except she wasn't really a stranger. Not to them. Astrid and Heather were already friends because of the hunters. She'd helped Tuffnut get Macey back, and then helped Ruffnut mess with Tuffnut. She'd actually listened to Fishlegs babble about all his dragon information, and she'd even helped him add more. She could actually put up with Snotlout's ego and he'd probably use those fighting she tricks she'd used about him and then brag about it. Hiccup and Astrid... Well that one spoke for itself.

They all knew Astrid on a more personal level. Naturally some more than others, but the respect was there. Disregarding the facts she'd learnt from Heather, Camicazi didn't really know anything about Astrid. Even during the apology, she hadn't learnt anything about her, not really. It had been months and the two had barely had a real conversation.

That didn't mean she was wrong. People could be alone and be right. Hiccup was when he first met Toothless. Eventually they would all see the truth about her. They couldn't be fooled forever. One day the truth about Astrid would come out, she was sure.

But a little part of her wasn't so sure what that truth was anymore.

xxxx

"So I have good news" Heather announced walking into the woods where Cami was axe-throwing.

The aforementioned lunged her weapon at a near tree and looked at her friend "What is it?"

"Stormfly's fine. She just had a bruise on her wing, but she already looking better. She should already be able to fly"

"Wait, really?" Camicazi asked with confusion. She'd left Stormfly in the stables so that she could get her rest, but the injury hadn't seemed as light as that when she left. She walked over to the tree and retrieved her axe "Why didn't you bring her over?"

"Well it's not as bas as you thought, but it's still an injury. She still needs her time"

She nodded, throwing her axe once more "Yeah that makes sense. How did you know I would be here?"

Heather shot her a deadpan look "Where else would you be?"

"Fair point" she nearly winced at the harsh tone, allowing her inner bitterness to take over her own when she spoke "I'm guessing you've spoken to Astrid then?"

"I have and, with a lot of convincing, she's going to stay" the darker haired rider replied, making Cami's heart tighten slightly.

"Great" she said sarcastically, yanking her prized possession out of a tree with more force than necessary.

"She was really hurt ya know" Heather spoke again "What you said hit her hard"

There it was. That little slither of warped pride. She shouldn't have felt happy knowing she was hurting another person. Most felt guilt at such revelations, but Camicazi simply pushed it down. Her aim wasn't to make Astrid feel happy. A part of Cami wondered if these feelings made her a bad person but, like that minuscule shame, the query was suppressed.

"What, was she crying or something?"

"No, Astrid would never cry in front of anyone"

"Then how could you tell?"

"You don't need to cry for something to be wrong Camicazi. There are other ways of knowing these things" she paused momentarily "But if she hadn't been upset after what you said it would be a bit concerning"

"Why is everyone so upset with me about that?" the blonde rider said, frustration visible "I got annoyed and yelled at Astrid, big deal"

"It _is _a big deal. You practically interrogated her! You asked question after question and barely allowed her time to answer!"

"I was only asking valid questions" she defended calmly.

"In what world is 'do you honestly think you deserve to be here?' a valid question?"

"In a world where I want to know the answer"

Heather sighed "Sometimes you are impossible"

"Look maybe I did go slightly off topic at towards the end, but my anger wasn't unjust. Our mission failed because of her instructions, what else was I meant to think?"

"Viggo's smart Cami, you know he's good at being 3 steps ahead. Maybe something went wrong last time, maybe Ruffnut wasn't as smooth at finding the entrances as she thought. Maybe someone saw her finding the side entrances and she didn't notice. Viggo... He likes to play games, but he doesn't always let the players know they're playing"

Camicazi stopped for a moment. That... Actually did make sense. It was certainly a plausible option.

"Ugh!" She yelled hurled her weapon at yet another tree

"So you see my point then?" Her companion asked.

"Yes" she grumbled in response "I hate when you might be right"

"Everyone does" Heather grinned.

"So if Astrid wasn't crying, what was she doing?"

"She just... Wasn't herself. She thinks you were right"

"See? Even she thinks I'm right" The short-tempered blonde said attempting to make a job that fell flat "I don't remember making many accusations, just that she was working with the hunters. Does that mean that she wa-"

"Nope" Heather said almost immediately "You're right that that was one of the only accusations you made. But she didn't think you were right about that"

"What did she think I was right about that then?"

"That she said she would only be here for a couple of days. And that she's complicated things since she's arrived. She had it stuck in her head that she's overstayed her welcome and that she's made things worse"

"Well... You have to admit that things hsve been more complicated since she got here"

"Only for you"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, edging on offence.

"It hasn't been that complicated for us. We all like her, we want her here, we don't mind her being here. You're the only one who feels this way"

"I don't see why everyone chose her over me" Cami mumbled reverting back to a childish manner.

"Oh Camicazi don't you get it?" Heather asked with a sad smile "It's not about _choosing _anyone. They don't want to choose Astrid over you. _Hiccup _doesn't want to choose Astrid over you. What everyone is for you two to get along without having to choose sides"

"But?" she sensed that there was more to the sentence.

"But sometimes the way you behave with her makes it impossible"

Camicazi closed her eyes, feeling overwhelmed. This whole day had been extremely emotionally draining. Heather made some good points, hard to hear, but fair nonetheless. It was too much for her, she needed a break. Something, anything, to rid her mind of her thoughts for just a minute or two.

"Come on we should head back to the edge" she decided tiredly.

"Good idea"

"Thank you for talking to me" Cami said sincerely.

The girl she considered to be one of her closest friends flashed a friendly smile "No matter what Camicazi, I'm always gonna be your friend"

The pair of friends hugged briefly before a thought popped into Cami's head.

"And thank you for checking on Stormfly" she added "That was really sweet of you"

"That wasn't me, not really anyways"

The young girl blinked "What?"

"Astrid felt so guilty after your blow up that she checked on Stormfly for you. Wanted to make the injury wasn't too serious"

"After everything I said to her?"

"She wanted to help. She has the experience with dragon injuries and she hated the idea that a dragon may have been hurt because of her"

So after Camicazi had been so awful... Astrid had still been kind. Gods, that made her feel worse. If Astrid really felt as awful as Heather made it out to be, the it couldn't have been easy for her to step up take that role. A role Cami really should have stepped up to in the first place. It was _her _dragon that had been injured afterall. The dragons had quickly filtered out of the room when the yelling began and once it stopped Cami didn't want to disturb hed dragon, but she hadn't thought about checking out the inury. Astrid had.

"Do we have any chicken left on the Edge?"

Her friend was clearly a bit surprised by the question "Yes I think so, why?"

"Because I want to try something"

So they went back to the edge and Heather found a few pieces of chicken for Cami. The aforementioned went to get Stormfly and bring her to the dome. Luckily nobody was in the stables, Astrid and Hiccup must have gone somewhere else. Camicazi was too focused to let that idea add to her jealousy.

"So what are we doing here?" Heather asked.

"We are playing a little game called Beat the Dome" she smirked.

"What's that?"

"You'll see" Cami answered coyly "Could you do me a favour and push the lever when I tell you to?"

"Um... Sure"

"Great, thanks"

Camicazi did a bit of flying with Stormfly, just to make sure it was safe for her to fly. Once that was confirmed, she gave her dragon the chicken and waited a few minutes before lifting to the air again.

"Okay Heather, now!"

The race had begun. Every second in the air was exhilarating. The wind was in her hair as she soared through the skies on Stormfly. They had never been so fast. It was a thrill that made her heart pound in the best way possible. Adrenaline rushed through her veins as excitement overtook her system.

"Faster girl!"

Swooping through the clouds, Camicazi had never felt so alive. She knew the route, but it still felt like an adventure to her. Flying so fast somehow made everything new. From the grass on the ground to the trees the forest. Finally, she reached the stone walls of the dome. Determination filled Camicazi's heart.

"Come on Stormfly, I know we can do this" she whispered.

They dashed upwards and were met with a blinding ray of light. Faint sounds of the dome closing and Heather's cheers were heard. In the midst of her internal celebration, it hit Cami.

She had beaten the dome.

Astrid had been right about the chicken.

And Camicazi needed to apologize.

xxxx

"Hey Astrid? Can we talk?" Cami asked that night as she entered the stables.

Despite her glee at finally beating the dome, she was still level-headed enough to know Astrid probably needed more time to digest all that had been said. But now it was nightfall, and it just felt right.

"Now's not really great time Camicazi" Astrid called back from the corner.

"I was just hoping we could talk about earlier because I'm-"

"Maybe tomorrow? It's getting kinda late now"

Cami's eyebrows furrowed instinctively. Something about the rushed tone didn't seem right "Are you okay?"

"Yup! Yeah I'm good! Just tired is all! See you tomorrow!"

That was even more suspicious. She lit a torch and walked over to where Astrid was with a sleeping Starlight. She didn't look as nervous as she sounded, but there was an air about her that screamed anxiety. Camicazi mounted the torch on the wall and sat down. The light was still dim, in the silhouette she saw Astrid's wraps lying around her on the floor.

Irritation passed over Astrid's face "Look Cami I already told you I don't want to-"

"I know and I'm sorry. But please Astrid" she pleaded quietly "I want to fix my mistakes"

"Um..." she looked down momentarily and then back at her "Fine, I guess. But please make it fast"

"I was acting completely ridiculously earlier and I got way too harsh with you, that was unfair" Cami wasted no time in getting to the point

"Okay, you regret it how you behaved. Is that it?"

"No. I just... I feel really bad"

Astrid said nothing but she did visibly relax as her shoulders loosened up. Cami took this as a sign of progress and continued.

"The thing is, Stormfly isn't just my dragon. She's my teammate, my companion, my best friend. I love her more than almost everything on this earth and knowing that she got hurt, it killed me" Her voice caught in her throat towards the end "I'm a strong person, I always have been, but I still have my weaknesses. Not that I would ever tell anyone that. Stormfly is one, her getting hurt is one. That added to our failure with hunters, I lost it. It made me angry and I took it out on you"

"It's okay Cami, I get it" she spoke softly.

That answer had her completely taken aback "Y-you do?"

"Yes" Astrid nodded "Everything you said about Stormfly, that's what Star is to me. For years she was the only good part of my life, and if something happened to her I would be devastated. I'd lash out too. Gods, I can't even imagine it." she smiled gently, but it was somewhat pained"My point is that I know what it's like to love your dragon more than anything, I know how over protective it can make someone"

"Exactly" she agreed "And thank you by the way"

"For what?" Astrid asked confused.

"For looking at Stormfly's wing, I really appreciate it"

"Oh that's no big deal" she said dismissively "I could never let a dragon go by injured without seeing if I could at least help"

"You really love dragons, don't you?" Camicazi questioned, seeing the sparkle in her eyes.

"I owe dragons... Everything. My life, my happiness. They accepted me and cared for me when I felt unwanted. They have helped and protected me countless times. Dragons have been there when humans failed me. They are intelligent, wonderful, compassionate creatures. Sometimes I find it hard to believe there was a time where I hated them"

"Being with them will do that. I find it pretty unbelievable too"

Astrid turned to Cami "You don't have to say sorry to me"

"What? Wh-"

"I'm not angry with you"

For, what she seriously considered to be, the first time in her life Cami was rendered speechless.

"H-how could you not be angry? I literally screamed in your face, I made you fall down in front of everyone"

"Yeah I remember, I was there" Astrid laughed a little uncomfortably "But I see where you were coming from, it was _my _instructions afterall, what else were you meant to think?"

Sometimes it surprised her how similar the two thought. Astrid had reasoned in exactly the same way she had. She was surprisingly understanding when it came to her behaviour. Maybe she was just used to being treated that way. That was a messed up thought, nobody should be used to being undermined. But then again, Cami was the one undermining her so maybe that was hypocritical. Her faults began to illuminate themselves before her eyes.

"I said that too" she confessed "But that wasn't fair. There were a number of reasons why our mission could've gone wrong. My emotions got the best of me and I jumped to conclusion"

"For what it's worth, I am sorry about what happened"

"You don't have to be. It wasn't your fault, I'm beginning to see that now"

Astrid smiled at her, but there was still something strange behind it. It almost looked strained. Maybe her forgiveness wasn't as genuine as she said.

"Camicazi I can leave if you want me to" she spoke up, maybe that was the source of her anxiety.

"Huh?"

"I told Hiccup I'd stay, but you were here first. It's not fair for you to be miserable. And if me being here really makes you feel that way, then I should be the one to go. Say the word, and I'm gone. I'll leave a note or something, the others would recover"

"You would do that for me?"

She smiled with despair "If I had to"

It was so tempting to agree. To say yes and let Astrid leave. Things would be normal again, but she couldn't do that. It would be a whole other level of wrong.

"No, don't leave. I don't want you to do that. The others all really like you, it would be cruel to them if you left without warning"

Astrid silently agreed and an awkward silence captured the room. Camicazi decided to ease the tension.

"Hey I uh, I tried the chicken thing with Stormfly. It worked, like a charm actually"

That seemed to peak Astrid's interests "Really?"

"Yeah, we managed to beat the dome"

"Huh?" She asked with a raised a brow.

"Oh right, we haven't played that with you yet, I'll show it to you some time. I think you'll like it"

"Y-you'll show it to me?"

"Yeah" for the first time, she flashed a genuinely friendly smile "Why not?"

Now the tension behind Astrid's smile was beginning to fade away. Something about this conversation felt natural and, surprisingly, Cami found herself feeling glad about that.

"I'm glad the chicken worked with Stormfly. I wasn't sure because I didn't know if it was a specific or general thing to nadders"

"Well it seems to work for all. It'll really come in handy for future reference"

Astrid beamed "Happy to help"

Fatigue piled onto Camicazi instantaneously after that, the events of the day finally coming to pass. It had been extremely draining, and she was just now beginning to feel that effect.

"Well anyways" she yawned "It's getting pretty late, am I forgiven"

"Don't worry Cami, we're good" she waved "Good night"

But something caught the rider's eyes. There was something on Astrid's wrist, and it certainly wasn't her regular wraps. She looked closer once more and saw it.

_Red marks__._

"A-Astrid?" she spoke tentatively "What's that on your wrist?"

Astrid's eyes doubled in size, nearly matching that of a dragons'. In a flash she hid her wrists behind her back "Nothing"

She shot her a sarcastic look an crossed her arms "Really?"

"Look it doesn't matter" Astrid heaved a sigh in response "Just leave it"

"It looked like-"

"It doesn't matter what it looked like" she said quickly "You barely saw anything, whatever you did see you probably didn't see it right"

Camicazi sat back down and said firmly "Give me your wrist"

"I don't think that's necessary really I-"

An impatient Cami cut off the girl's nervous chuckle and grabbed her wrists instead, realizing it was the only way to get answers.

"Camicazi! No! Stop!"

There it was.

Cuts layered all up and down her wrists. Some lines sloppy, others sharper and delicate. Some long and some short. There were dozens, edging on hundreds, for each individual arm. Camicazi, felt sick to her stomach.

"Astrid..." she whispered breathlessly "Did you do to this to yourself?"

She wouldn't look at her, her eyes heavily fixated on the floor. With the same volume, she whispered back "No"

And suddenly Cami reached her final epiphany. Astrid _couldn't_ be working with the hunters. Surely if she was this would be their way of maintaining her silence, by hurting her. Except none of the cuts looked fresh. Astrid wasn't working with the hunters, she couldn't help people that would damage her so badly, past or present. It was finally clear to her.

"Listen to me" Astrid brought her back to reality in a calm but shaky voice "You can't tell anyone, okay? Nobody knows, not even Heather"

"So Hiccup doesn't-"

"No Camicazi. _Nobody"_ she said, allowing the words to settle in.

Things began to make sense. No wonder Astrid had been so short at first. She'd been jumpy and anxious and tensw because she was hiding her wrists. She didn't trust anybody enough to tell them about it. Though that was understandable. It wasn't the type of thing one would showcase.

Now this was a new level of trust between the two. It was that missing piece she'd needed to find. A change had to be made. And she knew exactly where to start.

"Hey, maybe you've slept in the stables long enough. Maybe you should be sleeping somewhere else"

Astrid looked at her confused "I thought you said that you didn't want me to leave"

"No, no that's not what I meant" she cringed at her own poor wording "I meant that maybe... You could sleep in my hut with Heather and me"

"Wait, w-what?"

She shrugged "I think it's time"

A thought popped into Astrid's head and her shoulders slumped "I don't need pity, seriously it's okay-"

"It's not pity. I want you to sleep in my hut"

She stared at her for a few moments, like she was assessing her, and then nodded slowly with a smile "Okay"

"Bring your cloak for now, we'll sort out your bed in the morning"

She nodded again and collected her belongings. She placed a hand on her sleeping and whispered something. Starlight groggily mewled in response.

"Alright" Astrid grinned "Let's do this"

And as they walked out, it felt like a step in the right direction.

**_I personally head cannon that if Astrid fed chicken to Stormfly in rtte, she would actually beat the dome. I mean, it makes her almost as fast as Toothless, surely it would help her._**

**_I hope this was a satisfying second part! Next up we're having a girls only chapter! I'm talking some awsome Cami-Astrid-Heather-Ruff bonding time!_**

**_Quote from next chapter: "Sometimes it scares me, the power it holds. This thing could complete or destroy me, and I don't want to know which it'll do"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	17. Girls Day

If someone had told Astrid when she first got here that in a few months time she would be having a girls day with Cami, Heather and Ruffnut she would have called them insane.

And yet, here she was. Doing just that.

Camicazi had strolled into the clubhouse confidently that morning stating only two words: "Girl time"

And naturally, despite the progress that had been made as of late, Astrid assumed she wasn't invited. She assumed wrong.

_"Are you a girl?"_

_"Well... Yes but I didn't-"_

_"Then you're coming"_

"So do you guys do this a lot?" Astrid asked, axe in hand. Camicazi had specifically requested she bring it.

"Girl time?" Heather asked, to which Astrid nodded in confirmation.

"We do it from time to time, not very often. Sometimes we do it to blow off steam, other times it's just for a bit of fun. Obviously we're always pretty busy so we don't have much spare time, but we do it when we can"

"So which is it for today?"

"Today's just for fun" Camicazi answered before glancing at Ruffnut "For the three of us anyways, Ruff has a bit of stuff to get off her chest"

"What kind of stuff?" Astrid asked concerned.

"We'll find out when we get there" Cami replied smoothly

"Um... Speaking of 'there', where exactly is 'there'?"

"There is just the forest" Heather sensed her friend's nerves "Nothing too ominous"

They arrived to the spot in the forest where the trees were marked with the targets. Astrid looked around before turning to Heather.

"You've brought me here before"

Camicazi blinked and also turned to her dark haired friend "You have?"

"Yup. When you guys were getting Macey back and I was helping Astrid settle in, we had some girl time of our own" She grinned in response.

Astrid's mind rewinded back to that moment, all those months ago. It felt as though it had happened years ago now. It hadn't even been half a year but Astrid felt as though she'd been at the edge a lifetime, though if this was good or bad she couldn't quite tell.

"Funny how times change, isn't it?" she remarked, casually looking at her axe.

"Definitely" Cami agreed "A year ago I didn't know you even existed"

"And I... Well I knew you existed. Dragon riders I mean, I didn't know that you specifically existed. I just never thought I'd get to meet you"

_'Your lives would probably be better now if I hadn't'_

Astrid was happy, and that was strange for her. Before this point in her life she couldn't say if she'd ever truly been happy or not. It wasn't that she'd never felt happiness whatsoever, but it was more superficial. Something always nagged at her that her happiness wouldn't last and that restricted her from feeling joy to it'a full extent. It was a trait that she'd carried away from her time with the hunters. Now she was learning to ignore that voice but there was some doubt left in her. The words Camicazi had spoken had left her wounded, deeper than she even acknowledged. But she pushed that down, for once she just wanted to feel happiness without fear.

"Well you're here now, and your not leaving anytime soon right?" Heather asked with a smile

Astrid laughed uneasily, not wanting to confirm or deny anything "Time will tell" she looked around and spoke again "So girl time is the same here too"

"What do you mean?" Ruffnut questioned curiously.

"I just don't know always know what's normal and what's not. I mean, like Heather said we did girl time when I got here but we also used to do it when we were with the hunters" Astrid explained "I didn't know if that was just an us thing or if that was how girl time was done everywhere else as well"

"I'm not sure if everywhere else does it like this" the other rambunctious blonde responded with a laugh "But it works for us here"

"It's quite the relief actually. It feels good to know that everything I've learnt hasn't made me that different"

After that Ruffnut hurled her axe in a particularly rough manner and the girls couldn't help but look at her concerned.

"Ruffnut" Heather began slowly "Is it time for you to get that stuff off your chest now?"

"I love my brother, okay? I do" She let out in a rush "But sometimes I wish... I wish we weren't twins"

That stunned the three girls into silence. Even Astrid, who hadn't known these people all that wrong knew how tight knit Ruff and Tuff were. Of course they were that way, they were siblings. In some ways she was envious, she had always wondered what it would be like to know there was always someone to be there for you; always wanted to know what it was like having family around. Astrid was finally seeing that in the twins, and of course she saw the petty squabbles, but she knew that they cared about each other more than anything in the world. It was such a wondedful privilege in her mind.

So she couldn't figure out why Ruffnut would want to give it up.

"That came out wrong, I didn't mean it like that" the aforementioned girl amended in a rush "Of course I want him as my brother, even if he smells like rotting fish sometimes... All the time. I mean, I do sometimes too, but not as much as him and the smell isn't always that bad but-"

"Ruffnut" Camicazi cut her friend off, seeing how she was stalling "What's going on?"

Ruffnut sighed in response "I don't want Tuffnut to be my personality"

The three riders looked at each other, unsure of what to say. They didn't fully follow what their friend was saying. Clearly that showed faces because Ruff quickly elaborated.

"Everything I do, I do it with him. Every plot, plan or prank I do them with him. If the gang need to split up on a mission, I'm paired with him. We do everything together, we live together, we even ride the same dragon! And I'm not saying that I hate it, but everyone associates me with him. It's always Ruffnut _and _Tuffnut. Never just Rufnut. It's like I'm half a person or something"

Astrid hesitantly stepped forward "I understand Ruff"

"Yeah right, you don't even have a brother" the rider replied with a scoff, carefully looking at another target.

"You're right, I don't have a brother, but I do understand" she repeated "It's not about having a brother, it's about being defined by him. Ruffnut, I do know what it's like to fear a label"

The other blonde only looked at her, clearly waiting for further explanation. Astrid took a deep breath, mentally steadying herself, and continued.

"My whole life I was with the hunters, I grew up around them. I was a different person with them" she explained, eyes downcast "I wasn't proud. I kind of hated myself when I was with hunters, not the whole time but certainly in the last few years. And that's why I left, but I was still scared people wouldn't be able to see past my time with them. I was always scared that Astrid would always be followed with 'the hunter', that no matter what people would only see me for my mistakes. It actually stopped me from leaving for a while"

"Why?" Ruff asked curiously, momentarily forgetting her own troubles

"Because I thought it might be true. I thought that maybe all I was was a dragon hunter, that I would never escape that name. And if that was the case, what was the point? Why go out and be rejected by everyone when people already accepted my name as it was?"

"You know when you put it like that, it does kinda sound like you had it better with the hunters" Ruffnut mused "Why didn't you just do that"

She knew there was were no ill intentions or hidden hurtful meanings behind her companion's words. Over the years Astrid had become very perceptive in hearing the more obscure messages in people's words. But that wasn't there with Ruffnut. Her words may have bordered being insensitive, but it only coming from a place of curiosity.

"I'd much rather be rejected for a name I'm proud of, than be accepted with a label that brings me nothing but shame" she answered plainly.

Her words brought a wistful silence upon the four girls. Astrid had never admitted to anyone how she felt about herself in the past. She'd never even really admitted to herself, let alone said the words aloud to herself. It was strange, being able to say it was actually quite freeing. She'd had her time to think about labels, it consumed a lot of her thoughts. The ideas she had about definitions were very clear in her mind, but things had become differently. The fact that someone else also had similar struggles was somewhat comforting, it made her feel less isolated. But she didn't want her friend to hurt over this the way she had, she wanted to help the way others had helped her.

"Ruffnut" Astrid began softly "Growing up, I was always taught that we're given labels that are inescapable, and that that was just a part of life. I accepted that, and I was wrong. I'm only now beginning to unlearn that lesson. Tuffnut is not your label, not if you don't want him to be. Your personality is created by you. The nice thing about the label, is that it is yours. You create it, you can change it, and you can control how you want people to perceive it. And if you're with the right people, they won't care when you change it, they'll just take you as you are"

"Thanks Astrid" Ruffnut said after a moment of contemplation. She swiftly wrapped her arms around her, an action that caused Astrid to tense up involuntarily.

"What is it with you people and hugging? My gods" she said exasperated, but not as much as usual.

"For the record" Her fellow rider said pulling away from the hug "I do like spending time with my brother, but-"

"Don't worry Ruff, I get it" Astrid flashed a friendly smile "You love your brother, but you spend enough time with anyone of course you'll be worried that they'll merge into your personality"

"You are your own person Ruff" Heather said.

"Definitely" Camicazi also interjected "Maybe we should make that a bit more clear from time to time"

"I wonder if Tuffnut ever feels this way" Heather pondered aloud.

"I doubt it" Came Ruff's instant reply "If it were up to him, we'd never leave each other's sides, even if one of us got married, or died, but even then..."

"Okay" Heather interrupted brightly "Maybe let's not talk about death for now?"

Alright fine" she relented "Thank you Astrid, I actually feel better"

Astrid shrugged "Anytime"

"Hey Astrid, can you help me for a second?" Cami called.

"What's up?" she asked walking over.

"Do you have any tips about aim? I've been trying to hit this target and I keep missing"

"Maybe use my axe, a change might be a bit better" she said handing it over "Just focus, act like that target is the only thing in the world"

Camicazi did just that. The entire world faded away, everything but that target was a blur. She closed one eye, gripped her axe with extra determination and threw. She vaguely heard the sound of the hit but her eyes were fixated on the split target. She had done it.

"Finally!" she exclaimed, excitement thrumming in her blood "Thank you Astrid, that was driving me crazy"

"I said it to Ruffnut, I'll say it to you, anytime"

Cami walked over to the target and pulled the weapon out of the tree. As she was walking back over she inspected it "You know I really like your axe. It's so cool, where did you get it from?"

"Actually..."

xxxx

_It was the day of her tenth birthday._

_Well, not 'birthday' exactly..._

_"You've been with us for ten years now Astrid"_

_"Does that mean I'm ten?" she had asked curiously, aging didn't always connect with her properly._

_"I suppose so, but you could be nine, or maybe even eleven"_

_"Viggo?"_

_"Yes Astrid?"_

_"Why don't I know my birthday? Everyone else knows their birthdays"_

_Vague irritation passed over his face "We've been over this Astrid. It wasn't in the note we found with you"_

_"Can I read the note?"_

_"You won't find any information-"_

_"I know, I know. I'd just... I'd really like to see something from my parents, anything at all"_

_"So you'd really like to read all the reasons your family didn't want you?"_

_She contemplated his words, and then felt herself deflate "I guess not"_

_"Poor girl, your naivety will get you in trouble one day, that's why I'm here"_

_"Well, why don't you buy me anything? I see dads buy stuff for their daughters at the Northern Markets all the time, birthday or not"_

_"There's a simple reason for that" he told her sharply "You are not my daughter, and I am not your father, nor will I ever be. You could never be my daughter"_

_She shrank even more "Of course"_

_"Don't look so sad Astrid. You should be happy. You should be thankful. Without us you would be nowhere. Instead wanting us to buy things for you, you should want_ _please us. Who knows what family would have taken you in had it not been for us, if any families at all, you weren't a very cute baby"_

_"You're right, Viggo. I'm sorry"_

_"And?"_

_"Thank you for the life you've given me" the young girl murmured_

_"Again" he said to her immediate and harsh._

_"Thank you for the life you've given me" she repeated with more clarity_

_"Better" Viggo told her, voice almost showing some form of happiness "But if you really want us to give you something, I supposed there is one thing..."_

_"Really?!" The juvenile Astrid beamed_

_"Allow me to make one thing clear, we would not give you this if it weren't for your parents" Ruthlessly, he made that fact clear "We did not buy this for you"_

_"I- it's from my parents?" __hope sparkled and glimmered in her hollow eyes. That last part of spirit left in her sparked like a fire. Her parents. What a thought..._

_Viggo left the room, and when he returned it laid in his hands. A beautifully carved wooden handle with some sort of, equally beautiful, symbol on it. And attached, a real axe head. This was one of those weapons that Astrid saw the hunters carry around all the time. One of the ones she'd craved to own her whole childhood. Sure, she'd borrowed, but that wasn't tge same._

_The metal caught some of the light in the room, resulting in an almost ethereaal like presence._ _It was beautiful, magnificent, it was... Hers._

_"Well? You can touch it you know" He chuckled._

_Eagerly, and maybe a little ungracefully, she grasped the precious weapon in her small hands. She looked carefully at the symbol carved on its handle in a blue colour. It almost looked like a dragon, but that couldn't be right._

_"Thank you so much" she said gratefully, staring at her gift. She placed the weapon beside her and went to her somewhat father like figure with open arms._

_"What are you doing?" he asked her, making her feel stupid_

_"I uh, I saw other girls doing it with their dads at the northern markets when they gave them things"_

_"And what would the problem with that be Astrid?"_

_"You're not my dad" she repeated the words, each one a small dagger to her fragile heart "I just thought..."_

_"You thought wrong. Only touch me if we are in combat"_

_"Yes Viggo, it won't happen again" she picked up the axe once more "Why are you giving me this?"_

_"In the note, it said whoever was to take you in was to hide this axe and give it to you when they felt the time was right and you've been doing well in training lately so Ryker and I thought now would be a good as time as ever"_

_"I've been doing well in training? Really?" The young blonde asked excitement laced in her voice. An axe and a compliment, what a day._

_"Well, not good. There is still much improvement needed" he told her automatically with an undefined edge in his tone._

_"Of course" she hung her head, heart going down with it._

_Still, her spirit was not entirely broken. She had just received an amazing gift. She had a link to her parents. This would help her feel more connected with others. This would help her feel more normal. This would help her kill dragons... Or maybe just injure them severely._

_"I'm gonna use it right now!"_

_"Now now Astrid, have some patience'' Viggo reminded her "Wait until we're in the northern markets, we're going later today"_

_This was it. This was her chance. She was finally going to prove herself to Viggo and Ryker and everyone else. After all these years, she finally had an opportunity._

_And she wasn't going to allow anything mess this up._

_xxxx_

"... So, yeah. That's how I got my axe" Astrid finished her story.

The other three girls were silent, staring at her mouths agape. Almost on instinct, Astrid began to feel self-conscious.

"What? What is it?"

"It's just... Did Viggo really say stuff like that to you?" Camicazi asked her.

"Stuff like what? What are you talking about?" she questioned in returned, still not following fully.

"Like reminding you about not being his daughter, and always making you apologize?"

"Well, yeah. That's just the way it was. What's wrong with that?" she said, genuinely curious.

"You don't know?" Ruffnut asked "Even I know, and I'm normally the last to know"

"I really don't see what you guys are saying. I mean, yeah he put me in my place a lot, and he never hugged me and he made feel thank him for everything and he never complimented me..." she trailed off "Okay saying it out loud, I'm hearing it"

"I'm surprised you didn't already see it, you don't exactly think they were good to you in the past" Heather said to her friend surprised.

"True. But I only started thinking badly of them as the people who raised me after that day. Later in the day they... Well, they punished me _properly _for the first time"

Camicazi couldn't help but note the way Astrid cautiously held her wrist. In reality, she was very subtle about it, but to her the action stuck out like a sore thumb. Another conversation ran across her mind.

_"Astrid... Did you do this to yourself?"_

_"No."_

She was _ten._

She was a _child._

Cami felt sick to her stomach.

"Before that happened, I didn't see anything wrong with how they treated me. I was used to it, I guess"

"That's..." she began, unable to find the words "That's awful"

"It's done now. And it won't happen again" Astrid said quickly to stop her from dwelling on it too long.

"So your axe... It's basically your Macey?"

"Um... I suppose so, yeah"

"Cool" Ruffnut said with a smirk "Do you really think it'll help you find your parents?"

"That's the bit I'm not sure about" Astrid replied "Maybe one day, but the archipelago is so big, I wouldn't even know how to start"

Cami brought her axe over to her "You know, that crest looks familiar to me, I just can't quite put my finger on as to why"

"Maybe you've seen it in passing, lots of people probably have"

Ruffnut inspected it "It kind of looks familiar to me too. I feel like I've seen that crest somewhere else before"

"That's okay you guys. I'm not sure I want to know"

"Wait, really?" Heather questioned "But Astrid, you've always thought about your parents."

"I know but there's so much else to consider outside of just finding my parents" She answered honestly "Like I've said to you before, my parents might be dead, I have to accept that possibility. They might have left the archipelago for all I know. Or maybe... Maybe they just didn't want me. I could find them and might still not want me, they left me behind for a reason after all." she looked down at her most treasured possession "Sometimes it scares me, the power it holds. This thing could complete or destroy me, and I don't want to know which it'll do"

After some silence, Ruffnut spoke up again "Parents are overrated"

"Yeah, mine nag me all the time" Cami agreed.

"My mum won't even chew my food for me anymore" Ruff grumbled.

Astrid, Heather and Camicazi looked at her, faces mixed with shock and slight repulsion "What?"

"... Doesn't matter" Heather responded eventually "It's not just parents that are overrated, knowing your family in general isn't all that great. Think about me, the only family I know is Dagur" she shivered in disgust.

"Guys, this is really sweet, but you don't have to do this" Astrid told them with gratitude "Honestly, I'm fine. I'll probably never know my parents, it's just a fact of life. There's no point in being upset about it, just have to accept it"

"You've had to just 'accept' a lot in life" Heather observed

"I have, but that's the way it works sometimes" she replied with a sad smile "I never really had much of a choice in the matter"

Something about her was refreshing to the other three riders. They'd never seen life the same way Astrid had. Even Heather, whose life had probably been somewhat similar to Astrid's in ways, had never been as rough as hers. She'd had her parents, though adoptive, with her for most of her life. She'd still had the privilege of being part of a family. Somehow, listening to how her companion had lived life gave everyone deeper understandings of the world around them.

"I think that's enough of that for today" Astrid said to the group "What else do you do as part of girls day?"

"Um... Oh I know! Beat the dome!" Cami exclaimed with cheer.

"Beat the what?"

"I mentioned it to you the other night, it's a game we play here on the edge, you'll love it"

"Still would like to know what it is...?"

"Let's head back and we can explain there" Ruffnut suggested as they all nodded.

As they walked back, Cami walked next to Astrid and felt a primal urge to tell her about some guilt she had been feeling since the woods. It was gnawing at her constantly and she really felt like she might burst if she didn't at least say it aloud

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure"

"It's just... That stuff you said about not being able to escape being seen as a hunter, I'm sorry about that" Camicazi confessed, feeling a weight being lifted off of her shoulders as the words were in the open.

Astrid's eyebrows furrowed together "Why are you sorry?"

"Because I probably didn't help you in getting rid of that image, what with my accusations and all" she admitted uneasily

"That was before Camicazi. I try not hold onto the past, life only moves forward, whether we like it or not. You're changing now, and that's more than I could ever ask for" she told her fellow dragon rider gently "And besides that genuinely wasn't directed at you, a lot of it was actually an internal thing"

"I'm glad I said it though, it was driving me crazy'' she chuckled

Astrid laughed alongside her "Fair enough''

Before they knew it, they were back at the edge. Just as the girls were about to explain Beat the Dome to Astrid, Hiccup approached them.

"Hey sorry, I don't mean to interrupt your girl day or anything" he apologized automatically "But we just came up with a plan that you should probably know about"

"It's fine, we hadn't started this activity yet anyways" Cami dismissed "What's the plan?"

"Well Fishlegs was talking about some island that he'd read about in his books. We were thinking that tomorrow we could go try find and explore them a little a bit. We figured we go into teams as well so it would be Heather and Fishlegs" he pointed at the aforementioned woman "Ruff and Tuff obviously and then you and m-"

"Actually Hiccup" Astrid interrupted "I'd quite like to team up with Ruffnut, I'm sure Tuff can go with someone else"

Ruffnut beamed at her and the two shared a smile.

Hiccup, meanwhile, blinked in surprise "Uh yeah that's fine, I'll just have to readjust the teams slightly"

"Camicazi could go with you" Astrid suggested, making her smile as well "You hadn't mentioned her yet. If I went with Ruff, you and Cami could go together, Heather and Fish would stay the same and Tuffnut could work it out there"

"Yeah, I guess that works. Glad that's sorted then" Hiccup said "Sorry, I'll let you get back to your girls day"

As he walked away both girls turned to Astrid.

"Thanks Astrid! It'll be nice to finally team up with someone other than my stinky brother" Ruff wrinkled her nose slightly

"And thank you for letting me team up with Hiccup" Cami added.

"It's no big deal, you both are my friends"

The three shared a warm embrace; something Astrid to adjust to, despite her small amount of discomfort. Heather promptly shouted before ambushing the hug."Hey! I want in on this!"

So the four girls hugged in the middle of the arena, all plans for games slipping their minds. It was a nice moment. As Astrid looked upon her friends that were wrapping their arms around her, she couldn't help but mentally roll her eyes.

_'So much hugging'_

**_Just a heads up, the next chapter won't be them exploring that island, it'll probably be a different island. I'll leave that up to _****_your imaginations. _**

**_For the record, this book has not been abandoned and will not be abandoned. Life has been crazy, between exams, Christmas and an injured mum that I've had to look after, writing kinda slipped my mind. Oops!_**

**_Not a great reason I know, but humour me._**

**_Don't worry though, writing should probably be more consistent in the new year. I was also trying to get a clearer idea of where the story is heading (as in on a chapter to chapter basis)_** **_and I finally have that now._**

**_Next chapter includes an appearance from Dagur so that should be interesting to write._**

**_See y'all in the next decade._**

**_Quote from next chapter: "I know you're mind won't let you right now, but please try and think about what you're doing"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	18. Dragon Blood

**_trigger warning: some descriptions of blood in second and third scene_**

"I know about your feelings for Hiccup" Astrid mentioned casually as she and Cami breezed through the woods of a new island.

Everything had improved rapidly since that girls day. The mission where Astrid and Ruffnut had teamed was a big success. The past two weeks everything was going smoothly. Astrid was becoming better friends with everyone. She was helping Ruffnut find her own person outside of Tuffnut. But most importantly, her friendship with Cami was better than it had ever been.

Today they were exploring an island at Fishegs' request. They were all happy to come along. And it Astrid and Cami a chance to talk again.

"I figured you did" Camicazi admitted with rose tinted cheeks, though whether it was from the crush or her own embarrassment Astrid wasn't sure "Am I thought obvious?"

She bit her lip, choosing her next words carefully "To me, yes. But I am a girl. We kind of have a sixth sense about this stuff"

"That we do" her friend laughed with her "If only guys had it to"

"Some guys might, just not Hiccup"

"I swear everybody knows I'm in love with Hiccup except for Hiccup"

It stung to hear those words. It almost acted as a reminder that there were much better people out there, all of whom were more deserving of Hiccup than she would ever be. Furthermore, hearing Camicazi express such depth in her emotions only made her feel more guilty. Somehow, she felt as though having her own feelings was wrong when others felt the same ones at a stronger level. As if hers were now inferior.

"I knew you had a crush on him, I didn't you were in love with him"

"It's hard for it not be love. I've known him my entire life, I guess it's something that's just developed naturally"

Astrid contemplated her words before asking curiously "When did you know that you liked him?"

"I don't think there was one particular moment" she answered instantaneously "It was more like small moments over time that made the feeling grow and then one day when I was twelve, I just looked at him and knew that that nervous feeling in my stomach when I saw him had to be a crush"

"Really? You knew as young as twelve?" Her tone wasn't judgemental, but it held a note of disbelief in it.

"I suppose it did take a bit more time afterwards to confirm, but more or less yeah"

"And when did you know that you were in love with him?"

After a pause, Cami spoke again "When we were fourteen. My axe had gone missing and I went absolutely crazy trying to find. I was interrogating everyone who walked past me trying to figure out who knew what happened to it. Then finally after the day was over and I still found it I went to my guest hut and found it on my bed. It had a bow and a note from Hiccup with it explaining that he had noticed that the axe was in need of sharpening and that he wanted to surprise me. It was so sweet, and the fact that he did before I asked him to kind of sealed the deal''

"That was really nice of him" Astrid contemplated.

"I think that's what's so frustrating about all of this, I loved him before Toothless, before all the fame and the glory and the attention, I was there and he didn't notice. At least, not in the way that I wanted him to"

Vaguely, Astrid pondered what her own treatment of Hiccup would have been like, had she grown up on Berk. Though she wanted desperately to believe that she would have been kind and friendly with him like she was now, but she wasn't so sure. Friendly wasn't exactly the first word she would apply to her younger self. In truth, no matter how much she hated to admit it, she probably would have treated him just like all the other kids did back then. Maybe not to the same extent as the others, but she knew that had she been around, she would have ignored him too. That thought made Astrid angry with herself for being so shallow, even if it was an alternate version of herself.

"Why did you never say anything to him?"

"I couldn't risk the rejection. If he didn't feel the same way our entire friendship would be ruined. We're best friends, it would get all awkward between us. That can't happen if you're on a team. Working together is key. Besides, if things got messed up between us; it wouldn't just be us, it would be the whole team. The dynamics would shift completely. I may be a risk taker, but I still need to be sensible" she explained "Plus, I think he may have feelings for someone else now"

Even though she caught the amusement in her friend's gaze, the comment still made Astrid nervous. She couldn't help it, the feeling came to her like an instinct.

"Relax Astrid" Cami laughed airily, catching on to the fellow teen's tense structure "I'm not mad, honestly. I mean, the idea of him having feelings for you doesn't exactly make me happy, but I can't blame you for what Hiccup feels. And I also can't blame Hiccup for not having those feelings for me"

"I don't think he has feelings for me" Astrid followed her words in a fast manner.

"Oh come on, we all see it" Cami teased uncharacteristically, though her discomfort could still be sensed "It's pretty obvious"

"He's nice to me. That's all. That doesn't mean he has feelings for me" Astrid denied.

"It's more than just nice" she said with a knowing glance in her direction.

"How is it more than just nice? He treats me the exact same way he treats you or Heather"

"Except he doesn't almost kiss me or Heather"

"We didn't nearly kiss!" She exclaimed.

"I say once more, we all saw it. On Melody Island" Camicazi said with finality, as if she were winning an argument.

"Okay, we weren't about to kiss! For the last time, we were joking around and fell over!"

"Then why are you blushing?"

She was actually blushing because she was thinking of the moment all those nights ago on the island in the moonlight. When their dragons had interrupted what may have amounted to a moment. But, of course, she would never say that aloud.

"I'm blushing because I'm overwhelmed! I'm not used to being questioned about romance!" That wasn't technically a lie, which made Astrid feel slightly better.

"I'm not sure I believe you" she teased with a slightly unnatural sing-song voice

"Believe what you want, but I'm being honest, we were not about to kiss!" Astrid exclaimed, internally denying her possible deceit.

"If that's the story you're telling, then fine" Cami half-smirked at her "But seriously, I do have a question for you?"

"What is it?"

"Do you have any feelings for Hiccup?"

Astrid bit her lip again, contemplating all of the possible answers. She appreciated how Camicazi was trying to take a playful stance on the subject, but she could still see through the act. It was hard for her to talk about, understandably. The both of them disliked having to talk about this, yet somehow, each word felt necessary. This had been an unspoken point of tension between the two for a while, admittedly more on Cami's side than her own, but it was still there. Getting these words out in the open would be a good thing for them, she knew it.

"I'm not sure" she lied "Maybe"

Of course she had feelings for Hiccup. She'd known that for a while now. But admitting to it would be pointless. Her plan at the edge did not entail acting on her feelings for a long time, if ever at all. Camicazi deserved her shot with Hiccup. That was all that mattered.

"Even if I did, I wouldn't do anything about it" she said truthfully.

"Really? Why not?" Cami asked with a raised eyebrow.

"There are lots of reasons that I won't go into right now, but there is a main one. And that is that I believe you and Hiccup could be really happy together. You make sense together, I would never want to get in the way of that"

"Thank you, I appreciate that" Camicazi told her gratefully

"I must admit, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, I'm surprised at how casual you're being about all of this"

"We both know that this used to make me really angry, no point in hiding that. But if we're really going to be friends, it's better to talk about this stuff" she pursed her lips together "Oh, and Astrid?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry"

"Huh?" She asked in confusion.

"For not being able to encourage your feelings for Hiccup. As your friend I should be able to but… I've liked Hiccup for so long now, it's weird to think of him with anyone else. That's why I'm happy that you want to keep your feelings quiet" she cringed at herself "Gods, that sounds awful"

"No, it doesn't" Astrid reassured "I get what you're saying. And besides, you shouldn't be sorry for my decisions. I'm the one who isn't talking about it, you're not forcing me to keep quiet"

"I guess" she shrugged "Maybe we should drop this and just say that either way, Hiccup's oblivious"

"Couldn't agree more" she flashed a small smile before a silver glint in the corner of her eye caught her attention "Wait one second" she told the other dragon rider as she drove behind some bushes.

Then she saw it. Or, them to be more specific. The hunters. They were all on the island.

"Oh gods" Camicazi whispered from behind her "Is that-"

"Yup" Astrid interrupted "Looks like more people know about this island than Fishoegs thought"

"What do you think we should do?"

She beckoned over their two dragons who had been playing together in the background "Star, mirror scales now" she instructed.

As her dragon became invisible before her eyes, she turned to Cami "You need to take them to Hiccup and the others and warn them. We need to leave right now, before they see me or Starlight"

"What will you be doing?"

"Keeping an eye on them, only for a few seconds, I'll be with you guys soon"

"Wait, but you just said that we need so that they don't see you. Isn't it risky for you to stay?"

"Maybe. But I want to hear their plans, that's all. It'll help plan missions for the future"

"Why isn't Starlight staying with you?"

"I can't risk it. If there's even the slightest chance that they might find her, then she needs to get out of here. Don't worry, I trust you to protect her. She does too"

"But what if they see you?"

"I can deal with that. It's more important that we know the plans. Now you take the dragons and go to the riders. I promise, I won't be long"

Cami hesitated "Alright fine. But be careful"

The two shared a look before Cami went away with the dragons. Astrid observed the group of hunters carefully. They were huddled together, but she still had a clear vantage point of some of their faces. She could see Viggo's face. It automatically brought up fear inside of her, but she pushed it down. She heard whispers of looking everywhere they could and her panic levels naturally rose. The riders needed to go. She needed to tell them right now.

But before she even got the chance she felt a grip on her wrist and she was yanked away.

xxxx

"Dagur?!" She whisper-shouted as he released her wrist, all but throwing her against a tree.

"Long time no see Astrid" he grinned wickedly.

"What are you doing here?!"

"I could ask you the same thing" he replied with ease "Nobody's heard from, let alone seen you since you left"

"Right, I forgot that I was supposed to send you guys weekly updates about where I am and what I'm doing since escaping" she dead panned.

"Well you clearly haven't lost your sarcasm" he commented with a glare.

'It's probably grown because of Hiccup' she thought to herself.

"You've started a sort of movement you know. Now everybody is leaving the hunters"

"You say that as if it's a bad thing"

His glare sharpened significantly. She almost felt the need to shrink under his gaze. Almost.

"I'm not the first person to leave the hunters" she continued "Others have left before me"

"But more have been leaving after you. We've lost around fifteen men in the last month alone!"

"And how is that my fault?" Astrid retaliated lightly "I didn't force anyone to leave after I did. That was their decision"

"But they only made that decision because you put it in their heads that they could restart their lives and be better people, like idiots" the fiery young man scoffed.

"Good for them! If that's how they feel, they should be given that opportunity. Why should they be blamed for wanting better lives?"

"They had perfectly good lives with us"

"Perfectly good isn't always good enough" she countered.

"You would know that better than anyone," he muttered.

"My life with the hunters wasn't 'perfectly good'. It was a nightmare. Nightmares aren't 'perfectly good' to anyone"

"Viggo and Ryker are furious. Well okay, Ryker more than Viggo but he's still not exactly happy"

"Naturally"

"They want you to come back"

Whatever quick-witted response Astrid had planned died in her throat when she heard those words "What?"

"They want you back with the hunters"

"I'm not going back to them" Astrid stated firmly, "How do you know that anyway?"

"I overheard them talking about it" he told her "Viggo practically expects you to come back"

"I suppose he'll be disappointed then"

"I'm not so sure he will be"

"I already told you, I'm not-"

"Coming back, yeah yeah" Dagur said dismissively "You'll be back eventually. When you realize how much you need us"

Astrid's eyes flared "I do not need you!"

"Keep your voice down!" He exclaimed quietly "But you may not need us now but you will. One day you'll be alone with nobody and nowhere to go, and who will be there to take you back? The hunters"

"That will never happen"

"Sure it will. Once the people around you realize what a bad person you are"

His words froze her, striking a nerve deep within. How could he say that? What right did he have? Dagur didn't know her, not really. It was not his place to make any judgements on her.

"How dare you?!" Astrid seethed.

He put up his hands in defence "Don't blame me. Just telling you the truth. Face it, healing a few dragons doesn't make you a good person"

"Healing and feeding dragons that have been severely injured and malnourished isn't a good thing?"

"Oh I'm sure it's a good thing to some people, still doesn't make you a good person"

She scoffed "Well that's fine because I don't do it for the sake of being a good person. I do it because it's a nice thing to do and it's helpful"

"You also do it out of guilt"

"Why would I do it out of guilt?" She felt her shoulders tense up.

"You think it'll make up for the tons of dragons you've hurt in the past. Don't even try to deny it, I've heard the stories"

It was true. In her past she had injured a lot dragons. She could never find it in herself to kill them, but she could hurt them shamelessly. It was how she grew up. In some sense, maybe that's part of the reason Viggo and Ryker had felt the betrayal so deeply. Before meeting Starlight, she'd shown great promise as a hunter and she knew it. They picked on her, but they were impressed with her. That person felt like a stranger to her now.

"I'm not the only person to hurt a dragon. You and the other hunters-"

"In case you've forgotten blondie, we're hunters" he laughed in her face cruelly "We're not pretending to be good guys"

"I am not pretending!" She insisted.

"Sure you're not" Dagur said cynically "A good person would totally join the enemies of the people that raised them"

Astrid's mouth was nearly agape. She had to contain herself. She would not show Dagur her emotions, he would just exploit it.

"Yeah, I saw blondie number 2 run off before I grabbed ya"

She kept a steely gaze, internal terror being masked expertly "Yes, I am with the riders. They have a good cause."

"They're the enemy''

"They're Viggo and Ryker's enemy" she corrected with a glare "And so what if I am with them? What are you gonna do, tell Viggo and Ryker where I am?"

"No" he grunted with a voice on the cusp of frustration "Heather's with you and the others. I will protect my sister"

"Well that's actually nice of you"

"You need to get Heather out of here before anyone spots her!" Dagur told her, a new tone of panic seeping in.

"Another nice thing, that's two in a row, that might be a record"

"You know Heather never actually hurt a dragon when she was here" he glared at her

"Heather's never hurt a dragon" Astrid said cautiously, feeling like the man's comment had been a bit sudden..

"My point exactly. She hasn't injured any dragons, you have" he pointed an accusatory finger at her "You have dragon blood on your hands"

Astrid nearly stumbled back in pure shock. She'd never thought about it like that. Of course she'd carried guilt inside of her to do with her past actions, but never in such a graphic way. Dagur's harsh words had gone to her mind quickly, making themselves comfortable and rapidly causing Astrid more and more discomfort.

Was she a bad person? Were all her past sins always going to haunt her? Was she just kidding herself with this whole escape plan?

No matter. She didn't have time to think about, her main priority was getting everyone else off of the island. Luckily (and maybe even unluckily), the island wasn't very big. It meant she could find them quite easily, but then again, so could the hunters.

"We need to leave now!" She said, allowing her voice to be as loud as possible without the hunters hearing "The hunters are here!"

"We're all ready to leave" Camicazi told her as she walked over, sensing her friend's trouble "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine" she answered quickly.

Heather, worried, took in Astrid's figure and her concern grew immensely "You're shaking"

"Wait, what?" Hiccup joined in, anxiety lacing his voice too.

Astrid looked down at her hands and realized she was, in fact, shaking. But something else was wrong.

Her hands were red.

All the air was sucked out of her lungs as she stared in horror at the deep shade of crimson coating her skin. Her chest tightened and breathing suddenly felt like it was the hardest thing in the world. It appeared slowly, covering more and more of her hands to the point where there wasn't a single spot on either hand that was a regular flesh colour. The metallic smell overwhelmed her. The blood was flowing onto her hands freely. She had to bite her lip to stop herself from screaming. This was because she'd hurt the dragons. This was her fault. She-

"Astrid!"

She blinked.

Her hands were back to normal.

Hiccup went over to her and tried to take her hands in his, but she moved away from him swiftly. He looked at her in surprise, maybe even as if he were wounded, but he shook it off.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm fine. We don't have time for this. We have to go, before Viggo and Ryker see me"

As Astrid said it, she stayed rooted to her spot on the ground. Starlight gave her a gentle nudge and a whole new wave of nausea hit her. The idea of riding Starlight was now daunting, edging on terrifying. She didn't deserve to ride such a magnificent companion. It broke Astrid's heart to think about how the sight that once made her happy beyond words now made scares beyond belief.

Nevertheless, she did ride Starlight. They needed to leave. But Astrid wouldn't look at her hands. She couldn't.

They were stained with the blood of her mistakes.

xxxx

She'd been a fool.

Really, she'd known that all along. From the second Astrid had arrived on the edge there was a part of her that knew she would never be able to stay. But she was happy. Really happy. Her heart and mind had screamed two different things and,for the first time in her life, she'd listened to her heart.

Now she knew never to do that again.

It had been idiotic for her to think she could escape her past and live freely. To think that she could find happiness, that she even deserved to be happy in the first place. After everything she'd done... The way she'd hurt dragons in the past, without mercy, without thought... How could she ever think that she deserved the friendship of one?

The whole ride back Astrid had felt sick to her stomach. She loathed herself. The once joyous elation that flowed through her when she rode Starlight had been ripped out of her and replaced with a feeling of fear and disgust. It had all been so blurry. She was so consumed in her emotions she could barely register anything around her. Without her love of dragon riding she was losing a part of herself, possibly her favourite part of herself. Now there was some sort of numb anger in its place.

All that talk about not being able to change her past; accepting her past, moving on from it, it was silly of her to speak like that. Her past wasn't just something that she could leave behind like an old forgotten trinket. The past shadowed over the blonde warrior constantly, she'd just been ignoring it.

Not ignoring completely. Her entire time with the riders there was a part of her that feared her past would never leave her alone, but until that day she had always considered it possible.

"You're not a good person Astrid"

Six words and she was plunged into a blinding darkness. These sorts of things had happened to her before. She had experienced such low spells under the influence of the hunters. However, when this happened she had flying to calm her down. Now she was without her one release, leaving her to be shackled to the ground by the chains made up of her anxieties and regrets. To her, where the sky was free and forgiving, the land was merciless and cold. The land reminded her of all she had done, and furthermore judged her for it.

This was too much for her. She absolutely needed to leave. Staying would break her. There was no way that Astrid could leave on Starlight, but there had to be another way. A boat maybe, surely they had at least one on the edge. Or if not, she figured she could build one. There had to be a way to just get out.

Astrid stared at Starlight and the shame and guilt that coursed through her caused unspeakable pain. She hated having to leave her best friend of three, nearly four, years. Starlight had been her rock in a life of uncertainty and chaos. The two had bonded and even though Astrid didn't want to leave her and break it, she knew it was for the best. One day, Starlight would find another rider, a better rider. One who had a better past than her. They would connect in a way that she and her beautiful never would. Briefly, Astrid wondered if that was even possible before pushing that thought aside. Of course it was true. It had to be.

Starlight crooned softly, tone tinged with worry 'Are you okay?'

"Oh Star" she whispered helplessly, dropping to her knees "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry''

She reached out to hug her companion, but it happened again. The closer her hands got to the dragon, the more they changed colour. The red was returning. Covering every inch of her hands and slowly making its way to further up to her wrists, the once fierce young teen was forced to retract her hands. Instead, she just allowed her head to fall into her hands, the idea of touching Starlight was still unbearable.

"I'm so sorry" she repeated once more, desperation rapidly seeping into her voice, "I'm sorry for everything I've done, for the way I've treated your kind, all the damage I've caused. I'm sorry for all of it"

Starlight tried to come closer but Astrid backed away "No. I'm sorry girl, but it's for the best that you don't" she smiled tearily "You-you need someone that can be a good rider for you, I can't do that, not after everything I've done"

At that point, something inside Astrid snapped as she understood the reality of her words. Finally, she felt the tears falling down her face and accepted that she was crying. She let out a racking sob that rippled through her entire body. With a shudder, she allowed her tears to fall silently but freely.

"Astrid?" an alarmed voice rang out from behind her.

It was Hiccup. Of course it would be Hiccup. Because Astrid felt that the world hadn't tortured her enough that day, of course the gods sent him of all people to see her.

He rushed to her, kneeling down beside her, "What's wrong?"

Without moving, she mumbled "Leave me alone Hiccup"

"What's going on? Are you crying?"

"I said, leave me alone" she insisted, attempting to keep her voice even.

"I don't want to leave you alone. Not when you're this upset" he also persisted, for such a kind a person, the stubbornness in him was surprisingly strong.

"For god's sake Hiccup! I said leave me alone! What part of that do you not understand?!" She yelled, looking at him at last.

Hiccup's face was an open book, and she could read every emotion that passed across it perfectly. She watched as the shock from her yelling at him transformed into a surprised but concerned gaze, directed right at her and her, what she assumed must be, tear stained cheeks. Part of her yearned to turn away from him again, shame and embarrassment growing by the second. However, a bigger part of her was just too tired. Let him see for all she cared, it would more than likely be the last time he saw her anyways.

"Astrid..." he reached out a hand towards her face but she quickly avoided it by standing up.

"Stop" she said sharply but she soon lost her edge "I don't need you to worry for me, I'm fine."

"Clearly you're not fine" he argued "Come on Astrid, I know you"

"No you don't" she laughed bitterly, wondering why she was saying these words, wondering if she'd lost control "You think you do Hiccup, but you don't. There's so much about me that you don't know"

After a brief silence, he spoke again "Well then I want to know that stuff"

"Trust me, you don't" the teen scoffed, "You really don't"

"Yes, I do"

"That's because you're naive" she snapped, instantly regretting her wording. However, words kept tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop it. "You believe that everyone in the world is a good person at heart, and that everyone deserves the chance to prove it. It's not true. Not everyone is a good person. I'm not" the last sentence was a mere whisper.

"Yes, you are" he tried to step closer to her but she backed away again "Of course not everyone in the world is genuinely good, I do know that. But you, you-"

"Am not" she finished for him "You don't know anything about who I was, what I was like, how I behaved. If you knew the half of it, you would..." Astrid trailed off, unable to say the words aloud.

"I'd what?" he questioned curiously

"It doesn't matter" she replied, voice hardening with every word "The point is, you don't know me the way you think you do. I don't want you to either. And I don't want you to waste your time trying either"

Something about that last part made Hiccup's panic levels rise "Woah woah woah, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that" her eyes averted his gaze, glancing everywhere in the room but him "I'm leaving"

"What?! Astrid- No you- You can't just- Oh for the love of Thor would you just look at me" he took hold of her arms, making her her pause from a pace she didn't know she was doing.

She watched as he analyzed her face. His eyes narrowed as he really took her appearance in. Red, blotchy eyes with puffy cheeks. Her tears were still streaming down but she was at a point where she didn't have the strength to stop it.

"I know your mind won't let you right now, but please try and think about what you're doing" he pleaded softly.

She swallowed her nerves and used her voice once more "I have thought about it. And you don't need to be upset, Starlight isn't coming with me. Toothless will still have his friend, I wouldn't do that to them"

"That's not why I'm upset and you know it" he shot back automatically "What brought this on? What happened on that island?"

With a firm grimace and clenched fists, she replied "Dagur"

Almost instantly, his face clouded over "You saw Dagur"

"Yeah" she nodded slowly "And he's not going to Viggo and Ryker about me being with you guys, he wouldn't do that to Heather. But… He said stuff, stuff that was not particularly nice"

"What did he say to you?"

"Like I said it before, it doesn't matter" Astrid told him, attempting to push past him "I can't stay here"

"It matters to me" his hold on her was still firm "Why can't you stay here?"

There were so many emotions running through her. Frustration, sadness, contempt but most of all exhaustion. She was so tired of all of this, so she burst "Because it wouldn't be right!"

He only peered at her, almost like he was trying to catch up with something "You're going to have to explain this to me"

"Don't you get it? I've already told you, I'm not a good person. I was a hunter, I hurt dragons for a living."

"That doesn't make you a-"

"Yes it does!" she exclaimed, unwilling to hear the end of his sentence "I keep talking about how I just need to accept my past and move on from it, that's not how it works. My past… It's a part of me. I can't ignore it. I've hurt so many dragons from my childhood into my teens. Helping a few dragons doesn't act as some sort of pardon."

He was still watching her pour her heart out, but he wasn't saying anything, so she continued "Starlight deserves someone better than me. You and all the riders deserve a better addition to your team than me. Someone who wasn't your sworn enemy until six months ago. Someone who doesn't hasn't injured dozens of dragons. Someone without dragon hunter in their blood. Someone who…" she choked back a sob "Someone who doesn't have dragon blood on their hands"

He walked towards her, and the determination his gaze anchored her to her spot "Alright, I'm going to take those one at a time"

Astrid couldn't think of how to respond, so he took her silence as a means to continue.

"First of all, you and Starlight have a bond. Once you create that with a dragon, there is nobody better for them. It wasn't random, there was a reason she was the dragon you found and not just some random one. If bonds were so easily broken, there would be no point in making them in the first place. Starlight doesn't want anyone better, there is no one better for her than you, I promise"

Once again, she gulped. He was passionate about what he was saying, that much was clear. Interrupting would come to no fruition. So, silently; she let him go on, trying her best to take in what he was saying.

"Second I want you here, the riders want you here. Heather, Fishlegs, even Camicazi. Ask anyone and they'll say that they want you here. You do fit in with us, whether you think so or not. You managed to get Cami to warm up to you, that's not an easy task. You have all the best qualities of a dragon rider, that's why you should be here, with other dragon riders"

"A-Are you going to give me a speech for all of these points?" Astrid questioned, voice wavering slightly.

"If it means you'll stay then absolutely. But fine, I'll try and shorten these ones. Yes, you have injured lots of dragons, but you've also helped lots of dragons. Besides, you were a kid doing what you were told, it wasn't your fault. You don't have dragon hunter in your blood, you're not related to them. But even if you did, it wouldn't define you as a person." He spoke quickly, edging on desperate "And finally, if you have dragon blood on your hands, so does anyone else"

"W-what?"

"I'm guessing the 'dragon blood' is talking about the dragons you've injured" he paused as she nodded "Right, well we've all hurt dragons before, whether we like it or not"

"That's not-"

"True? Yes, it is" Hiccup finished for her "Astrid, you've seen Toothless' prosthetic tail fin, right?"

"Yeah" she answered slowly

"He only has that because I shot him down in the first place. If it weren't for me, he'd still have both tail fins. Our whole relationship started because I injured him. Do I like that that's how it started? No, of course not. But it happened. Astrid, what you have to remember is that we grew up with a lot of the same values. When I was little, hurting dragons was something I used to dream about, it was how we were raised. You can't blame yourself for learning what others taught"

"I guess but-"

"No, no buts. Think about it, if you have dragon blood on your hands because you've injured dragons, what about all the people that have killed them? Hel, my father is Stoick the Vast, a once renowned dragon slayer. I can't even count how many dragons he's killed, but he doesn't anymore, that's what counts" he paused briefly, going over his wording "Look, life isn't about the mistakes you've made in the past, it's about not repeating them in the future and making it better, which you're doing''

"I… Hadn't thought about it like that" she admitted meekly.

"You're upset, it's understandable" the teen reasoned "So that's what Dagur said to you? All those things about not belonging?"

Though Astrid did not speak, the look she was giving more or less confirmed the answer.

"That son of a half troll!" Hiccup exclaimed in fury "He had no right to say that to you! I swear if I see him-"

"Stop" she interrupted gently "It's fine, really. I'm okay"

And she actually was. Hiccup's words were resonating with her deeply. For the first time since arriving, she could truly feel that part of her past float away from her. Now she was accepting that her past was something to remember, but to keep only as a memory. His passion was infectious, it was no hard not to see things his away.

"You're sure?" He felt further need to confirm, to which she smiled "Good. And you're not leaving?"

Astrid's lips pressed into a thin line "No, I'm not leaving"

He pulled her towards himself, enveloping her in a warm hug. Without the burden of her past, a great sense of relief flooded over her. But now there was another sensation not allowing her nerves to settle, something akin to guilt pooled in her gut.

She told him she wasn't leaving.

Astrid had just lied to Hiccup.

**_So that was meant to be published earlier but this chapter took longer than I thought it would to write! I won't lie to you, I don't actually love how this chapter turned out. I'm not sure, it just doesn't feel like my best writing._**

**_Sorry if Dagur seemed OOC. This won't be his last appearance. That's all I'll say on that._**

**_Next chapter has been a long time coming… The riders are finally heading back to Berk! For another two parter!_**

**_Also, we're getting towards the end of this story now, so I'll start telling you guys fun facts and answering questions. So if you have any questions please leave them for me! (Except "Have you read the Grimborn Sister?" That's a question I'm already planning on answering!)_**

**_Quote from next chapter: "Everybody thinks this place is perfect. It wasn't always that way"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	19. Snoggletog in Berk: Part 1

"So why did you guys choose now to visit? Missing your families?" Astrid asked as they strolled down the snow coated paths of Berk.

"Well, yeah. But also because of Snoggletog" Hiccup answered.

"Right, right…" she looked around casually at all the decorations "Remind me what Snoggletog i again?"

All the riders turned to stare at her, almost as if in shock. Astrid didn't see what the big deal was. It was just a holiday, was it actually that important?

"You really don't know?" Snotlout asked incredulously.

"Not really" she shrugged, trying not to feel too embarrassed "We never did anything with the hunters. Viggo and Ryker always said it was only for people with families so…"

They all stared at her with a look she'd seen far too often in the past months. Slightly surprised, with a dash of pity. She appreciated that their sympathy came from a good place, but she still hated it all the same. She didn't need people to feel sorry for her. It's not like she was saying anything that sad, just stating facts from her childhood. She'd grown up in a very different way from them, everyone knew it. Astrid wished that they would let her just make the comments without reacting so strongly to it. It wasn't like it was their fault, they probably didn't even know that they were doing it.

"Okay, okay. Enough with the looks" she attempted to joke. Instantly their faces snapped back to normal and the teen felt some relief.

"So this is your first Snoggletog?" Camicazi questioned.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so"

"That's so cool!" She exclaimed, "We can show you all of the traditions!"

"Hang on a minute" Astrid paused "I thought you weren't from Berk, what about your family?"

"I'll go back home too" she explained "I'll go back to my tribe on Snoggletog Eve and stay for a couple of days, then I'll meet you guys back at the Edge"

"And Snoggletog eve is tomorrow right?"

"Yup" she answered "I spent so much of my childhood here for meetings and whatnot, it's practically my second home. Hence why I have my own guest hut here"

"That's sweet" Astrid smiled softly. A tiny part of her felt envious, Camicazi was lucky enough to feel like she had two homes, and she had never even had one. Choosing not to dwell on it too much, she spoke again "I love all of this snow! I haven't seen any in years"

"Really? Why?" Tuffnut asked curiously before gasping, which Astrid already knew was a bad sign "Wait, did you grow up on some sort of desert! Is there a secret desert somewhere in the Archipelago that we don't know about?! Is it hidden underneath the land you guys actually call your base!"

"What? No! Nothing like that, I was just on fleets and they obviously never had snow at sea" she laughed but something about his wording didn't sit right with her "Wait, you guys? Your base?"

Tuffnut seemingly caught onto his error and looked at her, guilt filling in his eyes "Oh shoot, Astrid I didn't mean it like that, it slipped I promise"

Everyone chorused similar sentiments and Astrid had to stop them before she snapped and said something that she'd regret.

"No, no, it's okay" she reassured, knowing that she was lying "I know you didn't mean it. I shouldn't have said anything"

Apparently her smile wasn't as believable as she thought it was because the looks kept coming back. She needed a distraction. Now. "You know, you guys should probably go and say hi to your families. They're probably waiting for you"

"Um, yeah that's a good point. My dad will probably be finished with his meeting by now" Hiccup said, eyes shining with concern. However, this was quickly replaced with joy as he looked at her again "I have an idea, why don't we meet back here later and I can give you a proper tour of Berk?"

"Oh uh…" she hesitated slightly "I don't know, I've already taken up enough of your time and I don't-"

"My dad won't mind, I promise" He said confidently before softening "Come on, please? It'll be fun"

Astrid felt something inside her deflating, the young auburn was impossible to say no to "Sure. Why not?"

"Okay great! Maybe after we've had dinner I can show you around" The combination of joy, shyness and nervousness in his voice was endearing to Astrid. Frustratingly so.

"Sounds good"

Camicazi watched their encounter and couldn't help but wonder if she had had something to do with Astrid's reservations. Even when Astrid told her that she didn't know if she had feelings for Hiccup or not, she sensed that something was off. She didn't necessarily think Astrid was lying to her, maybe more to herself. There were definitely feelings there, whether she realized it or not. Even when her unexpected friend was holding back, she could still the sparkle in her eye and the miniscule rose traces covering her cheeks. She wanted to feel remorseful, but found herself unable to. It wasn't as though she didn't feel bad whatsoever, but a larger part of her was just happy. She wanted Hiccup to look at her and, if Astrid continued like this, maybe he would.

It had been six years. Cami had been there for Hiccup through everything. Even when nobody else was there. Before, Astrid and Heather and the twins and Snotlout there had been her. Well, her and Fishlegs, but mostly her. She hadn't just supported Hiccup with the sole purpose of getting him to fall in love with her, their friendship spanned longer than that, but she'd be lying if she said if it hadn't been in the back of her mind the past few years. Maybe in some ways she expected his love. It made sense. They got along so well, they knew each other better than anyone else. On paper they seemed perfect for each other. It even worked politically, since they both came from different tribes. Their parents, or at least her parents, supported the idea fully. Hiccup was just oblivious to that as well. Camicazi had done the work, she deserved for it to pay off. And it's not like she would ever force Hiccup into falling for her, but some small part of her thought it was inevitable.

Her thoughts had clearly absorbed her into whole other world, because it was her crush's voice that made the ground reappear below her feet again "I should find my dad, he's probably excited to see me"

"I'll come with!" she chirped without thinking "I haven't seen him in ages!"

He nodded with a smile and the two walked off. Soon after, all the riders had gone to greet their families, leaving just Heather and Astrid. Heather grabbed her friend's arm eagerly and dragged her in the direction of a forest "We have so much to talk about"

Xxxx

"Okay so I get that you were upset, but I don't see how you lied to him" Heather said with confusion laced into her voice.

"Well… It was more of a half-lie, I guess?" She replied, trying to find the right wording.

"Right, but was the lie? Or half-lie or whatever"

Before they had left for Berk, Astrid had begun telling Heather about what had happened the previous week. She hadn't had much choice in the matter. Overall, Astrid was pretty good at acting like she was okay when she wasn't. It was something she'd practiced her entire life afterall. But her friend had still sensed that something was troubling her. So she told her everything that happened that day when they were exploring, leaving out one crucial detail. She didn't tell her that Dagur was the one she saw. Astrid already knew of their troubled relationship and she didn't want to make matters worse. Even though he had let her go because he knew Heather was with her, Astrid knew that she would ignore that only focus on the negative. Hiccup had interrupted them on the Edge and now Heather was racking her brain, trying to figure out what Astrid was lying about.

She gnawed at her lip anxiously "When I said I was staying"

Heather froze mid-swing and stared at the blonde surprised "But Camicazi likes you!" she burst out desperately

"I know, I know. It's not about Camicazi. It's not about any of the riders" She looked intently at the tree she had just demolished with her axe "It's me"

"What? Astrid-"

"Something about being here feels wrong" she confessed "Not as wrong as before, but it still feels unsettling. Like I'm not really a dragon rider"

"Does this have anything to do with what Tuffnut just said? I swear-"

No, that had nothing to do with it" she said truthfully "Honestly, I've been feeling this way for a while"

"That hunter's words just reinforced it" The raven haired rider finished for her, sensing her thoughts.

"Yeah" she replied with a nod "I don't believe all that stuff about dragon blood anymore but I still feel like being here with you guys isn't a good idea"

"What do you mean?" Heather asked perplexed

"It's just… That hunter said Viggo doesn't just want me to come back, he expects it. And I know him, if his expectation doesn't happen, he'll make it. And he will do anything, go anywhere, and hurt anyone to do so. Trust me, I know exactly what he's like and how far he'll go. I held face in front of that hunter but… I'm scared Heather" she admitted, rare vulnerabilities showing "I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me"

"That won't happen. We can handle Viggo, we can protect you and Starlight-"

"You think that now" Astrid said, trying not to sound too harsh "You don't know him the way I do. You've been dealing with him for ten months, a year maybe. I've dealt with him for eighteen years. And vice versa. He knows my weaknesses and my fears. He's a master manipulator. If his mind is set on me coming back then he might have the power to make it happen. And if that's a battle that needs to be had, I'd rather it be between him and me. Not him and all of you guys"

Heather raised an eyebrow, sensing that there was more to her reasoning, but choosing not to push it "You sound pretty sure of your decision, how was it a half-lie?"

"Because I don't want to leave" the spirited teen admitted as she petted her dragon "Starlight doesn't want to leave. She loves it here and so do I. I'm actually learning what real happiness is for the first time in my life and I don't want it to end yet"

"It doesn't have to" she spoke gently

"But maybe it does" Astrid countered, pain in her tone "What if I'm not meant to have happiness in my life? What if that's simply not in the cards for me? I'm not saying that that hunter was right about my past or anything, but I don't know if I can ever really be happy when I have this Viggo and Ryker shadow over my head all the time"

"But-"

"And if that is true, why force it? Why make it happen when it's not meant to last?"

Heather sighed. Astrid was in her head too much. She'd seen this happen before. All those times when they were in the hunters together and Astrid had contemplated leaving and then finalized it by always saying it wasn't the right time. Everytime Astrid gave her head too much power, she normally came to the wrong conclusion. And no matter how much Heather would argue and try to change her mind, Astrid always stayed firm in her decisions.

"How long have you really been feeling this way?"

"A lot when I first arrived. It went away for a little bit actually. But a while ago I guess it just snuck its way back in. Stronger. Harder to ignore. I don't know when, there was no specific moment. One day I felt it and after that the thoughts kept growing"

"I don't know why you didn't say anything, we would have helped you"

"That's the thing, I don't think I wanted to be helped" Astrid said quickly "These feelings felt.. Necessary? I can't quite find the wording for it. I didn't want the thoughts to go away"

Heather's blood boiled. It was Viggo and Ryker's fault. She knew how Astrid had grown up. With bad thoughts conditioned into her mind. They were her drive, her motivation. They had never let her keep a positive mindset. It wasn't fair. Astrid had never gotten to be a normal girl. Her entire life she had been torn down and compared to everyone around her. The insults were normalized to the point where she was inflicting it on herself. She deserved so much better than the life she had gotten and Heather couldn't figure out how the Gods had gotten it so wrong.

"I wanted them in my head, because I wanted to prove myself wrong" she concluded. Just as her friend thought she would "Telling myself wasn't enough, I needed to actually do something to show that I should be here. And I thought that the more I try to prove it, the longer I can stay"

Astrid was realizing her own confession as she said it. Before that moment, she hadn't thought about her behaviour. But now, as she said it to Heather, the revelation became clearer with each word. The thoughts, the feelings, she'd just been brushing them aside without thinking any deeper. But all of it was true. She wanted to prove herself _to_ herself. The realization should have lifted a weight off her shoulders but instead that weight shifted to drag her heart down even further.

"Okay, Astrid, I'm going to stop you because I think you need to hear this. It is possible. I wish you didn't feel the need to prove yourself, but since I can't stop you from feeling that way, I'll do the next best thing. You can do this, okay? I know you. You set your mind to something and you do it. For as long as I've known you, that's how you've always been. I heard stories. You've been that way your entire life. And, because I know you, I know that it'll take a long time until you're truly satisfied with yourself. But that day will come, and it'll be so worth it when it does"

The fierce dragon rider simply smiled, but there was something in her eyes that suggested that she didn't believe her "Thank you. Against all odds, I actually believe it's possible too"

That lifted Heather's spirit copiously. All hope was not lost. Astrid was in her head too much, but not completely. This presented Heather with an opportunity to convince her to stay, and she'd be damned if she didn't take it. Still, she had to be careful. This mission Astrid had set for herself, it had to be completed by her and only her. She didn't know how long her friend would work at her goal, but she could already see the determination in her eyes. Still, deep inside Heather there was sadness. She wished Astrid and her could have met in another way. In another world. In a world where Astrid hadn't been a hunter. It had caused all of these feelings that she didn't need to have. Every now and then, she wondered if Astrid would ever fully get over the trauma she'd carried with her from the hunters. Of course her fellow rider would never tell the full story of her past, nobody really expected her to, but maybe she would finally be able to put everything behind her.

"I know the way I've been speaking probably makes it sound like I'm definitely leaving. I'm not" she reassured "I'm leaning towards that option, but I haven't made up my mind, I promise. And I wasn't lying. I do believe that I might be able to prove myself, but every day that feels a little further from the truth"

"If that's really how you feel, how come you never leave?" she wasn't asking to be cruel, she was genuinely curious.

"I'm not sure" she flashed a sad smile, matching the hollowness in the her eyes "I guess I enjoy living in denial"

Xxxx

Evening fell upon Berk and the riders found themselves on the way to the arena, at least, she thought that's what they'd called it. She was walking alongside Camicazi, Ruffnut and Heather, idly chatting about the day's events. Berk was quite nice. It was very different from any land she'd ever been on before, which wasn't hard. When the sun shone, she felt the happiness resonating through Berk's residents. Normally, no matter the weather of where she went, everybody had frowns and grimaces plastered on their faces. It had never mattered to her when she saw it, it had been routine to see those types of faces. She'd known Solveig to be quite cheery, and the riders also had that quality, but she thought of them as the exception rather than the rule. Apparently not. Gods, she sounded so ridiculous, even to herself. But she couldn't help it. Her way of thinking was different to everyone else's, it was out of her control.

The entire time she had been talking with the other girls, she felt eyes on her back. Not just any pair of eyes, Hiccup's. And she knew exactly why. She knew and she didn't particularly care. Astrid wasn't even mad, she was too tired and cold to feel that. She'd spent a lot of the day walking around. And she was supposed to spend a lot of the night walking around too. There had only been one problem with that.

_Hiccup never showed up._

She'd waited, and waited, and waited. It was Hiccup, he would never hurt anyone, let alone her. At least, not intentionally. The crisp air nipped at her skin as she'd ignored the looks being thrown her way. It was unclear to her whether or not they knew of her past, but they didn't know who she was, which made her a talking point. They weren't all bad looks. Some were just plain curiosity. She was new to them, intriguing possibly. In a way, Hiccup not showing up almost made things better for her. If everyone had seen her walking and talking so closely with the Chief's son, the whispering would have only intensified.

It wouldn't have been as cold for her if she'd had her cloak but she was trying to be careful. Nobody on Berk knew about light furies and if they did the incessant questioning would be unbearable. Plus, all the humans crowding her would spook Starlight. She was only just getting used to the dragon riders. That's why Starlight had instinctively gone into reflective mode once landing on Berk. Even if the accessory kept her warm, it was still too obvious. Light fury scales weren't exactly common.

Camicazi had run up to her, panic evident on her face and frantically told her that she wasn't at fault for the night. Stoick had made her and Hiccup eat in his hut like old times and then they apparently got lost in conversation. She had mentioned numerous times that it wasn't just her being jealous and trying to prevent Hiccup from spending time with her, a point that was almost amusing. Astrid wanted to be angry, but couldn't force the feeling. Maybe the cold had irritated her a little bit, but it sounded like an honest mistake. She saw no point in holding a grudge about it. He was the chief's son after all. They probably had a lot to catch up on anyways.

Speaking of the Chief's son, he was currently grabbing onto her elbow lightly "Can we talk for a second?"

She pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded.

As the others walked forward he looked at her with the same amount of guilt Camicazi had shown earlier "I'm so sorry about today. I knew I was meant to give you the tour but I got so caught up and-"

"Don't worry about it" She dismissed, holding her hand up to stop him. Somehow, hearing him say that he knew he was meant to come but didn't was worse. It made her feel bitter when she really didn't want to "I didn't really want to go on the tour that much anyway"

"Wait, what?" he asked, and his wounded voice made her regret her wording "Why didn't you say that? I wouldn't have forced to go or anything"

"I didn't mean it like that" She told him apologetically "What I meant was that I didn't want to go on that tour tonight. I'm so tired and I think Starlight wants to come out of mirror mode soon" She gestured beside her, even though she knew her companion was invisible. A mewl came softly and both humans knew it was an agreement.

"Oh… Right" Hiccup said somewhat awkwardly "Well, what about tomorrow?"

"What?" Astrid questioned, confused "Isn't tomorrow Snoggletog Eve? Don't you want to spend it with your family?"

"The riders are part of my family" He answered automatically "I'll spend some of the day with them too"

It was kind of heartwarming to Astrid how Hiccup found it so natural to refer to the riders as his family. And what's more, she knew that if she asked any of the others they would say the same thing. Oh how she wished she could have grown up on Berk and been apart of it.

"What kind of stuff do you all do around Snoggletog? I remember Camicazi mentioning something about traditions, but I don't think anyone actually said what they were"

"I suppose you'll have seen some already. The snoggletog trees, the decorations. There used to be a pageant but we haven't done that in years. Technically, Snoggletog is meant to be about celebrating the Gods. I don't see it that way personally. I think it's more about being with the people you love, showing others that you care. That's why everyone does stuff like gather in the Great Hall and exchange gifts-"

"Exchange gifts?" Astrid asked, tone gaining a nervous edge "I didn't know you guys did that, I'm so sorry I don't-"

"Hey" he interrupted calmly, placing his hands on her shoulders "It's fine it's your first proper Snoggletog, nobody expected you to bring any gifts"

She nodded, guilt still gnawing at her internally. She should have thought of that. Still, even if she had it wouldn't have changed the fact she couldn't afford to buy presents anyway.

"Anyways,I know you're tired now, so let's go in the morning when you're well rested. We can go early, before everyone else has woken up, that way Starlight doesn't have to go into mirror mode"

She thought it over, and couldn't find a reason to say no "Okay yeah, let's do it"

"Great! Should I wake you two up?"

"No need. I'm a morning person and she's a morning dragon. We'll be the ones waking you two up" She smirked as they entered the arena, Starlight finally making herself visible. This excited Toothless who rushed over to her, making all the humans laugh.

"Oh really?" Hiccup smirked back at her "If I recall correctly, there have been numerous times when I've been in the clubhouse before you"

"Who said I was sleeping?" She shot back

The grin washed off of his face as he tried to formulate his argument, on the other hand, Astrid's grin only widened "Ha!"

"What else were you doing then?"

"Flying, training, you name it" she answered casually "Just not sleeping"

He sighed, and she could hear the smile behind it "You win everything, don't you?"

"You know it," she beamed.

He shook his head fondly before turning to the others "Alright gang, tomorrow's gonna be a busy day for us. We may not be fighting hunters but we still have tradition obsessed families to handle" He paused as the group chuckled "So I guess all we really need to do now is get a good night's sleep"

The riders dispersed after that, bidding goodnight to their dragons. Hiccup watched as Astrid took her cape and laid it on the ground. He walked over to them with slight concern "Hey, where are you guys staying tonight?"

"I figured Starlight and I would just bed down here" she looked at him with a small smile

He let out a loud, sudden laugh "What a coincidence. I'm sleeping here too"

"Why?" she squinted her eyes, both suspicious and bewildered "You have a warm bed and a house"

"Yeah, but the way my dad snores, sawing logs, Toothless and I wouldn't get a wink"

"Yeah, Meatlug and I were gonna stay here too, just for old times' sake" Fishlegs piped up.

"Uh-uh-uh nobody is having a sleepover... without Hookfang and me" Snotlout joined in, acting as if the news was meant to overjoy the others. Still, he seemed genuinely enthusiastic towards the idea.

"Well I'm definitely in! It's so cold out there, I'd rather not walk through that again to get to my hut" Camicazi agreed

"I guess it's a no brainer that I'm in" Heather said, joining Astrid's side.

She looked around a little uneasily "Guys, I appreciate it but you really don't have to-"

"We want to" Fishlegs cut her off kindly "It'll be fun"

Astrid's eyes automatically went to Hiccup's reassuring smile and she felt herself relax a little "If you're all sure"

Everyone nodded and Tuffnut spoke up energetically "Ooooh it's an-"

"Epic sleepover!" Ruffnut cheered.

"RUFFNUT!" He yelled exasperatedly "That's my line! You always take my line!"

Astrid giggled and laid down on her cloak next to Starlight. Hiccup crouched down next to her, smiling smugly "Guess it'll be easier to wake you up now"

She mirrored his facial expression "You wish"

"How about this, if I wake you up, you have to build the guest hut when we get back to the Edge. If you wake me up, I'll do it"

Her eyes flashed "You're on"

They shook hands on it and then Hiccup went to sleep with Toothless. Astrid slept peacefully for a while but a thought crept into her head that woke her up again. She wanted to give everyone gifts, and she desperately wished that she had enough runes to do so. There had to be something she could do, something she could make…

Wait…

That was it!

She shot up, waking her dragon alongside her. Astrid grinned from ear to ear and whispered "Starlight, we have work to do!"

**_Probably should have clarified this last chapter, when I said that this story was coming to an end, I meant that I'm in the final 10, there is still a while to go. I think there are roughly 7 chapters left._**

**_Next chapter includes a reunion that's been a long time coming…_**

**_Now, as I said, I will be giving fun facts and answering questions. The most popular one has been about whether or not I've read 'The Grimborn Sister' by Lizby. I have. After I had the idea for this story I started exploring this app/website to make sure I wasn't copying anyone. I came across it and read all the chapters. Once I read it, I realized that the only thing our stories had in common was that Camicazi had unreturned feelings for Hiccup and chose to go forward with this story._**

**_So yeah, leave any questions you want!_****_Quote from next chapter: "It's not much, still, I hope you like it"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


	20. Snoggletog in Berk: Part 2

"Astrid… Astrid…" the gentle whisper came from beside her.

Vaguely, she registered the sunlight passing across her face as her eyes fluttered open. The first thing she saw was Hiccup's emerald eyes staring down at her. She let out a small yawn as she sat up "Morning"

Morning… Wait a minute...

She groaned "Dang it"

She spent so much time working on her presents for the riders last night . She was exhausted when she finished and completely crashed.

"Yup" he grinned "I win"

"Yeah, yeah" she dismissed, getting up from the floor "Remind what I have to do again?"

"Build the guest hut on the Edge"

"Right, right" she shrugged "Oh well, could be worse"

"True, you could have to do it with Snotlout"

"Oh please, that would still basically be me doing it by myself. All he would do is brag about great he is at building huts whilst making me do all the work"

"True, although he did build his own hut. Then again, he also built that so that he had the right place his S"

"His what?"

"You know, that massive S he has hanging in front of his hut"

"Oh yeah" Astrid thought back "Why does he have that anyways?"

"Well the S stands for Snotlout-"

"I got that Hiccup" the teen deadpanned "I meant why does he need the S?"

"I'm not sure, helps his ego maybe"

"I don't think his ego needs help"

"We all know it doesn't, but you try and talk him into getting rid of it"

"Nope, that was not part of our agreement"

"Well maybe it should part of our next one"

"You'd really risk that? Having to talk Snotlout into reducing his ego?"

He paused for thought "Yeah, no. That's impossible"

"Thought so" she smirked

"So anyways, you ready to go?"

Right. The tour. It had totally slipped her mind. Even though she felt like spending time alone with Hiccup was a slight betrayal to Camicazi, a part of her still felt excited. The last time she spent time alone with Hiccup was when he was comforting her last week. It was nice to think that they were going to just spend some time together and hang out. At the end of the day, they were still friends. Besides, she enjoyed Hiccup's company. Saying no would have only hurt his feelings, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

She moved her arm to wake Starlight only to find falling straight to the ground "Star?"

Hiccup pointed to the corner where Starlight was playing with Toothless. The humans shared a smile "I guess they wanted a bit of time to themselves"

"I'm surprised they didn't wake anyone else up" Astrid said, looking at the riders around them

"To be fair, they are quite quiet, plus the riders are all pretty deep sleepers"

"Clearly" she scoffed playfully, getting up from the ground "Come on, we should get going"

"Good idea" he replied as they walked over to their dragons.

Starlight bounded over to her rider and nuzzled her excitedly, Toothless also did a similar motion, causing a giggle to escape Astrid's lips "Morning furies"

"Hey, I'm here too you know" Hiccup joked with mock offense

Toothless then went to his own rider and licked him enthusiastically "Agh Toothless! You know that doesn't wash out!"

The former let out a sound that could only be a laugh. Astrid smiled with glee at the two "You guys are hilarious"

He glared at her playfully as he shook his hands "I'll get him to lick you too"

"What are we doing still standing around?" Astrid questioned swiftly "Let's go!"

And like that they were off. The four trampled the snow covering Berk with Hiccup occasionally spouting little fun facts or stories about certain locations. Astrid took every detail in with a lively interest. She was eager to know everything about the riders' pasts, given how they had all grown up together. It amazed her how Hiccup held no resentment towards Berk in the slightest. She knew about how he had been treated for the majority of his life on this land. The ways he'd been pushed around, underestimated and isolated by his now peers. Of course Astrid knew it wasn't all bad for him. Camicazi and Fishlegs had still been his friends and this man, Gobber he said, seemed to care about him a whole lot. Even from the stories she'd heard, his dad did really love him, he just didn't know how to express it. Still, the bullying, the ostracizing, she didn't fully understand how those memories didn't darken Berk's skies for him even a little bit. The way he spoke about Berk, he thought of it as one of the best places in the world. She could never be like that. Astrid definitely felt indignation towards the fleets she'd been trapped on and she knew it. But then again, she also knew that she wasn't like Hiccup. He had an easier time putting his past behind him than she did. She forgave easily, but she never forgot and she had a feeling that Hiccup was the same way. The only difference was that, even if Hiccup remembered, he didn't care. Astrid always did. When she forgave, it was always authentic, but it still made her cautious for future endeavours. She took her time, too much time. It was in these moments where she wished she could be more like Hiccup.

"You know, Starlight's the same colour as the snow" he observed casually.

She looked down and saw what he meant. Starlight's scales blended into the snow perfectly, but then she saw something else and began giggling "Her eyes aren't though"

They couldn't help but laugh at that. It basically looked like two eyes just floating above the ground "I suppose it is better that she uses her mirror scales"

"It makes both of our lives easier, people still freak her out a little and the I really don't want either of us to become the centre of attention" Astrid explained

"You wouldn't be able to tell from the way she acts on the Edge"

"That's because she's used to you guys. You're a small group. This is a whole village, she's never been exposed to this kind of setting before"

"I'm sure she'll adjust with time"

"I mean, we're only here for a couple more days. She's a strong dragon, she'll survive"

Suddenly, Hiccup and Astrid fell into silence and they both knew why. They were talking with completely different time frames. The time it took her and Starlight to adjust properly to the Edge was months. He wanted them to do that again. Meanwhile, Astrid was discussing everything in the short term. She didn't want to think months ahead because, simply put, she could be anywhere. That's not to say she wouldn't be with the riders, it was a possibility, but she didn't want to commit to any ideas and get his hopes up. Yet, the idea of telling him that still seemed impossible. Maybe it was because she knew how he would look at her. She'd see that glint of contained disappointment in his eyes and be oh so tempted to just tell him what he wanted, needed, to hear. And it wasn't his fault, he didn't purposely put on any looks to manipulate her, but she couldn't risk it. She couldn't let her heart take over without even consulting her brain first.

"Anyways" He cleared his throat "How are you finding Berk?"

"It's nice" she shifted her weight from one foot to the other "Very pretty. Still getting used to the looks though"

"Don't worry about that too much, they're not meant to be mean, they're just trying to figure you out"

'You've not seen them, how would you know?' she refrained from asking, it sounded too harsh, and he meant well.

"Figure me out?" She chose to ask instead.

"They've never heard of you or about you, they want to know who you are"

"I mean, they could just ask me" she laughed, but something about it felt a little forced.

"Berkians aren't exactly known for their sparkling conversational skills"

That drew a giggle out of her that was more authentic "Fair enough. It's not that bad, and it's not like I'm not already used to receiving odd looks, it just hasn't happened in a while"

"Talk on this island moves quickly, today it's about you and tomorrow it'll be about some argument Bucket and Mulch are having?"

"Huh?" she asked confused.

"Bucket and Mulch, they're farmers here"

"Ah" she said, recalling walking past a man with a bucket on his head "I have a feeling I know who you're talking about"

"You probably do, he's hard to miss"

She nodded before changing the topic "So I have a question about Snoggletog"

"Hopefully I'll have an answer"

"Why is it called Snoggletog?" she asked, tone filled with curiosity

"I have absolutely no idea" he answered honestly "Why we chose such a stupid name remains a mystery"

She smiled gently "Some things just aren't meant to be known"

It felt oddly amazing to be able to say that circumstances where it didn't mean anything serious, where it could just be a joke.

"Just like why my parents decided to name me Hiccup of all names"

"Maybe you hiccuped a lot as a baby"

"I also cried a lot as a baby, they didn't call me cry"

"I guess the origins of your name, like Snoggletog, will always be a mystery"

"Apparently so" he smiled before his face changed into something akin to nervousness "But speaking about Snoggletog, I have something for you"

Astrid felt the urge to frown, but didn't want come across as harsh "Hiccup" she began with a sigh "That's really sweet but-"

"I really didn't need to" he finished for her with a wink "Yeah, I knew you would say that Astrid, I know you"

She blushed at that. He really did know her. Or she was just predictable. There was a very real possibility that it could just be the second one, that's she wanted to tell herself. But really it was the first option. He knew her, weirdly well. But then, she could honestly say that she knew him to the same level. So maybe it wasn't so weird, still surprising though.

"Don't feel too proud" she told him playfully "Did you know that I have a present for you too"

"What? But Astrid, I told that nobody expected-"

"Me to bring gifts, but-"

"You wanted to"

She glared at him jokingly "Would you stop doing that?"

"Eh, we'll see how I feel" he teased "So do you want to go first or should I?"

"I don't mind. We could give them at the same time. Exchange on 3?"

His eyes lit up "Sure"

"1… 2… 3!"

As she handed him her gift she found a piece of paper being thrust into her hands. There was a drawing on it. Her eyes were drawn to the girl drawn in the centre, she was surrounded by dragons. She saw the two furies and then all the other types of dragons. Deadly nadders, gronckles, monstrous nightmares, hideous zipplebacks amongst many others. All of it was contained within a circle. Confused, she looked up at him.

"Read the back" he said simply as he marveled his own present.

So she turned the paper like he requested. She read:

_'Dear Astrid_

_I know you haven't been with us long, but it really doesn't feel that way. The way you fit in with the other riders and me is so natural, it feels like we've known you our entire lives. Somehow, in a matter of months, you've developed bonds with us that we took years to build with each other. How did you do that? You'll have to tell me your secret. You bring out sides of some of the riders that I didn't know they had. Since coming here I think you've actually brought the riders a little closer together. Truly, you are a wonder to me. You were raised by hunters, but nobody would be able to guess that from how you behave. You're so kind to everyone and you've helped people embrace who they are more freely. Part of me thinks that you do that because you were brought up in an environment where your personality was oppressed so greatly. For the record, I don't see why anyone would want to do that to you, you're really great._

_It's not just how you encourage others to be themselves, you encourage me as well. I've told you so much about myself and my past. I've told you things that I've never told anybody, not even Camicazi. I just trust you in a way I haven't trusted anyone. Corny, I know, still true. I don't mean to pour my heart in this letter or anything but I feel like you don't get to hear your positive qualities enough, and when people try to tell you, you don't listen. That's not your fault, you've never been given the chance to hear them before. So I'm writing it for you. You're easily the kindest and most caring person I know.You're a great listener, but you know when to call people out when they're saying the wrong things. You don't give yourself enough credit and you put almost every other person before yourself. The fact that you grew up with the hunters almost gives me hope in a way. It reminds me of the good that can be shown in people if they're given the chance._

_I'll never know the full extent of how bad your life got with the hunters, but I'm okay with that, I'll listen to as much as you want to tell me. What I do know about your time with them is that you never felt like you were a part of them. That's why I drew this for you. Because, whether you leave or not, you're a part of us now. You're a rider for life, no matter where you go. I hope you'll stay with us, I think you'd be good here, but I know that it's your decision. Regardless, I want you to keep this. Obviously you don't want to associate yourself with the hunters crest and as riders, we don't have our own crest either. So this is yours. This is the Astrid crest. You'll see the dragons that stand out are the ones of our fellow riders. That's because those dragons represent their counterpart. The crest is 100% yours, I just felt that it would be a nice touch. Hopefully this can cheer you up if you ever feel lost or sad or confused. You've done so much for us these past months, no words or actions can truly sum up an appropriate thank you, but maybe this is a start._

_Happy Snoggletog_

_Hiccup'_

"It's not much, still, I hope you like it"

"Like it? Hiccup, I love it!" she smiled gently, trying to find the right words to express her gratitude "This is just… This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you so much"

She couldn't figure out which part made her more emotional, the drawing or the words behind it. Gods, this was perfect. Seeing it almost made her realize how lonely she'd been before. What he said was true. Astrid didn't really know what it meant to belong somewhere, to have a home. It had been something she had longed for, but never seen as possible. Like she said to Heather, she wasn't sure if happiness was something that was meant to be in her life. But this made her happy, happier than she ever thought she could be. She still didn't know if she belonged with the riders, but moments like these made her think it was possible. However, she looked at the measly present in Hiccup's hands and that joy was replaced with sheer panic.

"You know what? I should take that back-" she giggled nervously, trying to take the gift from him.

"What? No! Why would you do that?" he asked, surprised.

"It's just a silly little chain" she told him, almost embarrassed.

"First of all, it's not silly. Second, it's not just a chain" he held it up, showing the two dragon scales she had used to decorate it "This one's a light fury scale and this one's a night fury scale"

"Yeah, I thought they could represent us" she admitted, realizing the gift wasn't nearly as thoughtful as she originally believed "I've done for all of the riders with their dragons' scales. But it's fine, you don't have to pretend to like it or anything, seriously it's fine, I can just take it back and-"

"Nope. Not happening" he smirked slipping the chain around his neck "It's mine now"

She finally gave up, smiling gently "I'm glad you like it"

"I love it" he repeated her words from earlier "It's perfect. You're perfect"

Clearly the words slipped out before he thought about it, because the way he whipped his head to the side and the fierceness of his blush couldn't have been intentional. He wasn't alone with the blushing, she could feel it on her face too. There were a lot of words Astrid would use to describe herself, but perfect was not one of them. She wasn't and she knew it, but it was still nice to hear.

"Well that couldn't be further from the truth" she joked, bringing back a more playful atmosphere "But thank you. You're perfect too"

"Couldn't be further from the truth, but thank you" He parroted once more

"Fine, you're perfect to me"

She wasn't joking when she said it. To her, he really was perfect. That's not to say she saw him as flawless. She knew he had his flaws, he jumped to conclusions and he could be a bit impulsive. Of course there were others as well, but she really didn't mind them. None of his flaws made her dislike him. It balances him in a way. His flaws enabled him to make mistakes, but he was sensible enough to learn and grow from them. That quality was pretty rare, she'd only seen it in a handful of people. Astrid wasn't even sure that she carried the trait. He never once saw her for who she was, but he did it in a way that didn't dismiss her background altogether. In a way, he was more accepting of her past than she was, all the riders were. None of them acted like she had never been a hunter, they knew she was, they just didn't care. She knew that if she ever wanted to talk to him about something, he would listen. He wouldn't try to undermine her problem or try and solve it for her, he would listen and just try to understand her. What's more, when she talked to him about her problems, she was always acutely aware of what she was saying and that was a big deal to her. It wasn't like other people, where she would make the confession and then realize the truth behind it. She would know exactly what she was saying when she said ir. She knew just how vulnerable she was making herself, and that was a big deal for her. The connection she had with Hiccup was more than she could ever ask for.

"Well if I'm perfect to you, you're perfect to me"

She smiled and looked down, cursing the heat in her cheeks. It was so hard to ignore her feelings for him when he said stuff like that. She didn't have much time to process her feelings, before she could even start she felt a swift kiss pressed onto her cheek. Her head shot up, eyes wide and smile even wider, which she hadn't realized was possible. She opened her mouth to say something but got beat to it.

"Hiccup! Astrid! There you guys are!" Camicazi called, walking to them with the other riders.

Astrid turned to Hiccup and she could see the same disappointment she was feeling reflected in his eyes. Still, it was a good reminder for her. She and Hiccup weren't meant to have moments like these. They were supposed to be reserved for him and Camicazi.

Speaking of, the latter came and hugged Astrid with cheer "Happy almost Snoggletog!"

"Happy almost Snoggletog!" she returned, grinning at the whole gang "I have something for everyone"

Xxxx

Time had passed quickly. Snoggletog had come and gone and now everyone was getting ready for departure. Well, almost everyone. Astrid didn't really have many belongings, therefore meaning she didn't have many belongings to pack up. Instead, she was idly wandering around observing everything around her. There were so many families around her, it was a truly heartwarming sight. One thing she had learned over the last couple of days was that Berk was very much a community. During the celebrations there wasn't a single person that wasn't smiling. Meeting Stoick was terrifying, naturally, but he had much been much more welcoming than expected. She should have seen it coming, he was Hiccup's father after all, and Hiccup was hands down one of, if not the, kindest person she'd ever met. There had been one moment that had been slightly unusual though.

_"What did you say your name was lass?"_

_"My name's Astrid"_

_He froze and simply stared at her, causing her panic levels to rise internally. Did he know her? Surely he couldn't hate her already._

_"Dad? You okay?" Hiccup asked concerned_

_"I'm fine son" he answered, but he was looking straight at her "How old are you Astrid?"_

"_Eighteen" she answered somewhat nervously_

_"What happened to you when you were a baby?"_

_"My parents left me on an island with a note" Astrid replied slowly, thrown off by the intensity in his gaze. She felt like she was supposed to reveal something, she just wasn't sure what._

_That answer seemed to snap him out of whatever trance he had been in "Right, of course. That's how the hunters found you"_

_"Oh" she frowned, glancing at the dragon rider next to her "Hiccup told you about that stuff. Chief Stoick I promise I'm not here to hurt anyone or-"_

_"Aye lass don't worry about that" he laughed, now appearing completely normal "We all have our pasts"_

And after that he really did come off as completely fine. He was kind and laughed with her and talked to her about how she was enjoying being with the riders. Still, her mind was working endlessly to figure out what that brief conversation meant. There was something akin to determination when he spoke to her. He listened to her backstory so intently, like he was trying to piece together a puzzle of some sort. Intimidating wasn't quite the right word for how she felt, because he wasn't being particularly aggressive. Something simply felt… Odd. She hated herself for using such a vague term but it really was fitting. And, given the way Hiccup had looked at her after Stoick had reverted back to his normal self, she can't have been the only one who felt it.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard her name in a whisper.

"Her name is Astrid apparently"

"Huh, she doesn't look like a warrior queen to me"

"Rumour has it that she's a hunter"

Astrid sucked in a breath, filled with anxiety.

"How do you know that?"

"Someone heard Hiccup telling his dad about it"

She shook her head, of course that's how they knew. Gods, she knew that Hiccup had told his dad about her past but she'd assumed that he'd at least done it in private.

"What is he thinking?"

"He's not, he sees the good in everyone, even if there isn't actually any good to see"

Astrid had to walk away there. If she let those girls whispers get to her, no good would come of it. Instead, she turned her attention to a man who seemed to be struggling to carry a few boxes. She went over to him with a small smile "Would you like any help with that sir?"

He looked at her gratefully "If you could that would be great"

"Of course" she replied, taking a box from him, surprised by its weight "What's in this thing?"

"My wife and I supply some traders with weapons and whatnot" he explained.

"So all three of those boxes are filled with weapons?" she asked in amazement, to which he nodded "I'm impressed that you carried them this far"

"Thank you, I've had a lot of practice" he said and she responded with a light laugh.

"How long have you been supplying weapons?"

"About eighteen years now" he answered, shifting the weight of the boxes in his arms.

He had been giving away his weapons for as long as she'd been alive, that was so crazy to her. How many weapons did this guy have?

"I can't imagine what your hut must look like" she chose to joke instead.

"No need to worry, not too cluttered" he replied with a jovial tone "We have a room in our house for them, very organized, kind of a mini armoury of sorts"

Astrid's eyes shined "That sounds so cool!"

"Well you're allowed to come and see it if you like" he offered kindly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can" Astrid apologized "I think I'm supposed to leave quite soon"

"Ah, you're the girl with the riders" he realized, eyes furrowing together slightly "I don't think I remember your name"

"Oh don't worry about that" she dismissed "I suppose you've heard all about me then"

"I have heard a few things" he admitted "But I don't really listen to that kind of stuff anyways"

"Oh really?" she quirked an eyebrow "Why is that?"

"I know what it's like to have false information spread about you" the older man told her ambiguously "So I never listen any gossip, it never rings as true anyways"

Though she felt relieved, part of Astrid still felt curious. She couldn't help but wonder what false information had been spread about him in the past, but she knew better than to ask. This was a man she had met a mere ten minutes ago, if that, she had no right to know about his past.

"I think we're almost there" he said somewhat suddenly as the traders' stalls came into view.

"That's good" Astrid said, it was true, the boxes were extremely heavy "Why do you supply them with weapons anyway? I thought Berk has a forgery"

"We do have a forgery, but my wife and I have so many weapons lying around and we intend to keep expanding our collection, so we donate old ones to make room for the new"

Astrid resisted the urge to comment on how that was a bit counterintuitive "Do you always supply this many"

He let out a small chuckle "No, no. The boxes are normally a lot lighter than this but my wife and I have decided to donate the weapons we were keeping for… Our daughter"

She noticed the hesitation and sadness in his tone "Is she away travelling?"

His eyes flashed with sadness "No, we lost her a long time ago"

"Oh I'm so sorry" she said automatically with sympathy.

He simply nodded "We just decided that having all of it around was only putting us in pain. It's time to start letting go, not forget" he added the last part hastily "But let go a little bit, not let it haunt us every minute of the day"

The words resonated with Astrid deeper than she had expected. Their situations were different but in a way, they needed to do the same thing. Just let go a little bit. Not let her issues leave her mind completely, but put them to the back a bit more. It was a good way of looking forward in life, and she intended to remember that for the future.

"Alright lass, I think you've carried them far enough" as he set his boxes down.

"Are you sure?" she asked, copying his actions

She looked back at him and saw that exact same look she'd seen in Stoick's eyes the night before. The shock, bewilderment, all of it. She couldn't for the life of her figure out why those looks kept being directed at her "Everything okay sir?"

"Hm? Oh, yes everything's fine it's just…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words "You bare an uncanny resemblance to my wife"

Astrid only smiled in response, not entirely sure what to say "Funny coincidence?"

"Must be" he shook his head, though more to himself than to her "I suppose you should be getting back to the riders"

The blonde teen had been so consumed by the conversation she was having with the man that she had momentarily forgotten about her peers "You're probably right, they should be ready to leave now" she glanced at him cautiously "Will you okay to carry these the rest of the way?"

"Aye, there's barely anything left now. Thank you for helping me with this… Um… I'm sorry what did you say your name was?"

"It's-"

"Hey! There you are! Come on, it's time to go!" She heard Heather call from behind her. She looked back at the elder warrior with an apologetic look "I'm sorry, I think I have to go"

"Don't worry about that" he dismissed kindly "Maybe I'll see you here another time"

"Uh…" she hesitated ever so slightly "Maybe. Goodbye sir"

As Astrid walked over to Heather, all she could feel was the eyes on her back. Everyone she looked at had a sneer or grimace of some sort directed straight at her. The hushed whispers rang through her ears, getting louder and louder. The anxiety she was feeling was building up with each step. No matter what direction she looked in, people were staring at her. It was as if the sun was focused on her for some reason, drawing everyone's eyes to her as well.

"Hey, just ignore them" Heather whispered once Astrid had finally gotten to her.

Would that be what a life here would consist of? Constantly having to ignore everyone? Was everyone going to marvel at her as though she were some freak or villain for the rest of her life? Would this be another round of people that she would need to prove herself to?

And that's when it hit her.

Astrid could let go of her past as much as she wanted.

The rest of Berk wouldn't.

Xxxx

"Astrid? You okay?" Heather asked as she walked into their hut.

She gave her friend a small smile. It would have been so easy to just say a few words and leave it there, but she couldn't find it within herself to lie. Astrid was tired of lying, she'd done far too much of it recently, to the people around her and to herself. She hoped her smile would be enough to ward Heather off, but she should have known better.

"Oh no, I know that smile" Heather said with concern "What's wrong?"

Astrid debated whether or not she should tell Heather. This feeling had been pent up in her ever since they had left Berk. So far she had done a good job of hiding her inner turmoil, nobody had asked what was wrong or given her odd looks until now. Maybe she hadn't done as good a job as thought. Either way, this feeling was building, she could feel it rising with every second and it was getting hard to contain. This was going to culminate in a scream or a sob, and she wasn't sure which would be more embarrassing. The best option really was to talk to Heather about it, no matter how hard she found it.

"I think I've made my decision" she spoke quietly "I've decided to stay"

"Really? Well that's great-"

"Until you go back to Berk"

She froze "Wait, what? Why until then?"

"I just…" she struggled to find the right words to explain herself "Heather, did you see how everyone treated me at the Snoggletog celebrations?"

Her eyebrows knitted together as she thought back "I thought we all treated you nicely"

"You did, you were all great to me" she said gently "But nobody else would even talk to me, they just stared"

Heather's mind went back to that night. It was true, now that she really thought about it. Nobody had been talking to Astrid other than the riders. Well, Stoick and Gobber had, but that was more because of Hiccup. Nobody had spoken to Astrid of their own free will. The thought broke her heart a little.

"That can change" she protested weakly, like she already knew it was a failed argument "Just give it some time"

"How much time?" the blonde challenged "Weeks? Months? Years?"

The dragon rider faltered. Realistically, the answer would probably be years. She didn't want to say it, but she found the idea of lying didn't sit well with her either. The Berkians had been kind to her at first, but when word got out that she used to work with one of their enemies, the reception grew significantly colder. Heather had had her own reasons for her initial dishonesty, she knew that and the riders knew that, but the others didn't. She was lucky when Cami warmed up to her so quickly, because she influenced others to do the same. But Cami hadn't been there for the main celebrations. Of course she, Hiccup and the other riders had been as welcoming with her as possible, but everyone already knew of their kind nature. Camicazi had always had a more reserved air to her; so if she trusted someone, they were probably a person worth trusting. But she wouldn't always be there. After the riders were done on The Edge Camicazi would probably have to go back to her tribe, at least for a little while. Like Hiccup, she also had to train to lead her people.

"Berkians really are nice people" Heather tried to point out.

Astrid flashed a sad smile "I don't doubt that. But they don't trust me, and I honestly can't blame them"

"That's because they don't know you"

"They know about my past, that's enough"

"W-what?" she asked surprised "How?"

"Hiccup told his dad about my past and someone overheard apparently" she said, letting out a sigh.

_'Mental note; hit Hiccup over the head later'_

"It's okay, I'm not mad" the teen reassured "Owning the past, right? Hiccup doesn't think I need to be ashamed of it, so he probably doesn't think the way I do. That's not to say I feel ashamed either, I'm just more cautious than he is. He didn't mean anything bad by it"

"I'm just surprised he didn't say it in private"

Something similar to fondness sparked in Astrid's eyes "He's smart but he's a bit naive. Maybe he thought he was in private, or maybe he didn't think about the possibility of people listening to his conversation. He wasn't doing anything wrong, not really"

"I'm still sorry everyone knows so soon"

"Had it been up to me, I would have wanted the news to come out a bit later" she said with a shrug "But it was bound to get out eventually. People would have been curious, people would more than likely start digging around at some point. Besides, once Starlight decided to reveal herself to everyone else, I would have to tell the story of how we first met and that would give me away anyways"

"But-"

"And that's another thing, Starlight. She really isn't good with new people Heather. I got her to readjust once but to make her do it again on such a large scale? That really isn't fair to her. She's had a hard enough life as it is"

"Are you sure you're not rushing things?" Heather suggested warily "Why don't you take some time to-"

"I've had nothing but time to think about this, believe me" Astrid's eyes bore straight into her "I've made my decision"

Heather stared at her in a quizzical manner "If this is your final decision, why do you seem so upset about it?"

"I don't like the idea of leaving, I really care about all of you, I just don't see what else I can do. I'm not going to let my life go in circles, going from place to place where people don't trust me is pointless. And also" she let her eyes drift to floor for a moment "I don't see a future for myself in Berk"

"Wha- Why not?"

"Heather, when you guys go back to Berk you all have something waiting for you. The riders all have their families, Camicazi has her own tribe waiting for her and you, aside from already having everyone's trust, have a relationship that you can consider pursuing. You have a foundation with Berk that you can use to build a life off of. There's nothing in Berk waiting for me Heather, no relationships, no family. Of course your friendships will all be there but..." she trailed off, unable to find a good wording

Thoughts of an intelligent blonde man came to mind, making Heather blush briefly, still, she was able to give Astrid a pointed look "You know perfectly well that there is someone here who is _dying_ to pursue a relationship with you"

"He's the chief's son" she pointed out, nearly on instinct "Even if a relationship with me was something we both wanted, it's not like we could have it. He needs to be with someone that has rank, power, influence. He needs someone with a good name. I have nothing to my name, I don't even know what my name actually is for Thor's sake! And if our relationship progressed and I ended up becoming chieftess? How do you think everyone would feel being led by some nobody ex-hunter?"

Astrid's voice breaking at the end of her sentence didn't go unnoticed by Heather. She saw how her friend was getting worked up and she hated how helpless she felt. All she wanted to do was to help Astrid and tell her that her thoughts weren't true. But they were. She wanted to say that she was more than what she thought of herself, but it would fall upon deaf ears and she knew it. Astrid was making a few valid points, even if Heather didn't like to admit it.

"I'm going to miss you" she said somewhat meekly.

"No need to miss me just yet" Astrid attempted to say lightly "This all depends on when you all decide to go back"

"Are you going to tell everyone?"

Astrid hesitated slightly "Yes" she paused "But I'm not sure when. I don't want to ambush the idea on everyone, but I also don't want to bring it up if it's not going to be a problem for months"

"How do you think Hiccup will react?"

"I honestly don't know" she answered "Sometimes I think he's okay with the idea of it, other times I think he's really pushing for me to stay"

"We're all pushing for you to stay" Heather said gently.

"I know" she smiled "I think he'll be happy for me, but I also think he'll be disappointed"

"We'll all be the same way" Heather replied "But Hiccup more than most"

"It's what's best for everyone" Astrid said almost forcefully, as if she didn't really believe herself.

Heather nodded slowly "If you're sure"

She nodded back, voice more firm "I am"

And just like that, there was an understanding. Astrid had made her choice, but this wasn't a bad one. Maybe it would be good for her. Heather didn't love the idea, but this seemed to be what Astrid wanted, or at least, this was what Astrid told herself that she wanted. Maybe one day, she would realize that she wanted to be with the riders and come back, who knows. The future was unpredictable, anything could happen.

"I have to get going" Astrid said, exiting the hut "I'll see you later"

"Where are you going?"

"I lost a bet with Hiccup, now I have to build the guest hut" she saw Heather's confused facial expression and laughed a little "I'll explain later"

And with that, Astrid went to the empty space on the Edge. She would tell Hiccup eventually. Maybe not soon, but eventually. Hopefully the conversation would come up naturally. Ideally, Hiccup would casually bring up the idea of going back soon and Astrid could bring up her idea then. When Astrid told him about her plans, she hoped that he wouldn't try too hard to convince her otherwise. She had a pesky habit not thinking entirely straight when she was around him. That's not to say she lost her mind around him, per say. She wasn't that kind of girl. But still, he did… _Something_ to her.

Astrid suspected that it was his smile. Every now and then, when he smiled she knew that if he asked her to jump off of a cliff, she would. Not because of the charm of his grin, but because he would make her feel safe while doing it. Because if he told her to do it, she knew he would catch her at the end. Safety had always been a foreign concept to her, yet she was still able to associate it with Hiccup quite easily.

No. She had to stop. This was getting too sentimental. Having feelings for Hiccup was one thing but she couldn't just… She didn't know how...

It was like the Gods had heard her prayer and twisted it. Her thoughts were interrupted with the mop of auburn hair appearing from the corner of her eye. The exact uburn locks she'd just been thinking of.

"Hey" he greeted cheerily "So what should we start with?"

"We?" she blinked, vexed "What do you mean we?"

"Well we could mean a lot of things, but in this context I mean us. You and me" he gestured between the two of them with that smile she both loved and hated gracing his features.

She rolled her eyes playfully "I was wondering when I'd hear your next sarcastic quip"

"Expect the unexpected milady" he winked.

She was slightly taken aback by the unexpected use of 'milady'. She found herself liking it, more than she should have.

"What I meant" she began loudly "Was why are you asking where we, you and me, should start when I'm the one who's supposed to be doing the work? I lost the bet"

"All we said was that whoever lost the bet had to build the guest hut, we never said that they had to do it alone" He beamed at her as she simply shook her head with a fond smile.

"So I was thinking we could…"

Astrid watched him ramble on about the guest, biting her lip. If she didn't she would probably scream out her feelings for him right then and there. Guilt pooled in her stomach.

Telling him was going to be harder than she thought.

**_So now an official decision has been made about Astrid leaving or staying...Let's see what happens from here._**

**_With the whole letter Hiccup wrote, either imagine he has really small writing or that the paper is really big, whatever tickles your fancy._**

**_Fun fact: Over half of the chapters are written out of order. I mean in terms of scenes. A lot of the time I write the last scene and work backwards. A bit weird, I know. But I come up with ideas for scenes and base my chapters around them, so they need to be written first_**

**_Quote from next chapter: "_****_It's like I've imagined this version of my life for so long, without it I don't really know what my future is without it"_**

**_Shohini :)_**


End file.
